Legion of Super-heroes #20

But he's just a monstrous baby! I wonder what his first words will be?!

I don't do a whole lot of photoshopping on the comics these days and when I do, I don't usually point it out. I'm only pointing it out this time to say this: whenever an image is photoshopped here on Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, I'm the one who did it. In some ways, I don't use Tumblr correctly although if you're reading this on Blogspot, I'm using that super correctly! Today I reblogged a quote by Bill Watterson because it was simply too reflective of the way I've lived my life to not repost it. Plus, Bill Watterson. Greatest comic strip comic ever. And that includes Charles Schultz and Berkeley Breathed. That isn't to say those two guys weren't also geniuses but to show how much of a genius genius Bill Watterson is. My point is that about 99.85% (I did the maths!) of this blog is written by me, photoshopped by me, and scanned by me. That doesn't mean I'm claiming I do all the DC art and writing! Sheesh! Stop being such a devil's advocate nerdgirl!

It's probably also why I only have like 8 Followers and zero sugar parents.

Somehow the phrase "sugar parents" disturbed me and that led me to thinking about last Sunday's Mad Men. While watching it, I actually said, "No wonder Don Draper is so screwed up!", paused for a second, and then said, "Besides the dozens of other reasons!" Such a good show.

Speaking of good entertainment, I should read something besides Legion of Super-heroes! "Oh! Burnzinga!" he burned, speaking of bad entertainment like Legion of Super-heroes! Ha ha! Double burn!

Now I feel bad for overly criticizing the Legion of Super-heroes. I shouldn't judge so harshly! They're from the future. They don't know how to entertain 21st Century audiences. All of their funtime punchlines are lost in a slew of future speak. Slew means vomit, right?

I hope the Emerald Empress is in this issue! I'd forgotten that I had developed a huge crush on her last issue. I guess that's not much of a crush. In my defense, I did immediately get drunk after reading Legion of Super-heroes #19. So my brain cells tasked with the duty of remembering the crush didn't stand a fucking chance.

This issue begins with Ultra One Hit Wonder Boy, Glorith, and Chameleonic Kid hanging out on Glorith's homeworld. I think this world is one of those super fantasy type worlds where spells are better than technology and fairies are doctors and everybody lives in castles and men view women as their equals.

And people surf gigantic birds amongst the cities in the sky.

Meanwhile, Tiny Wazoo otherwise known as Phantom Girl is trying not to be crushed by the Promethean Giant's giant promethean finger. She's wondering why she suddenly can't find Invisible Kid. She's not very smart.

Although I maybe should apologize since after she wonders that, Invisible Kid is shown with Polar Boy as they wonder where the hell they've gone. So I guess they didn't just turn invisible. It looks like Invisible Kid's power has some kind of weird side-effect that occasionally takes his invisible ass into the Realm of the Dead where they meet some of their old, dead teammates.

Here they meet The Flatulent Corsair, Iron Butterface, and The Great Quadruple Belted Divide.

Teammate is a good word because all of the letters cancel each other out. Does anybody else do that regularly? Like when I'm walking into a store and see the words, "Store Entry." My mind sorts the letters, removing those in pairs like a game of concentration, to arrive at another, leftover word. In this casy, "Sony." In school, whenever a teacher passed out a ditto or worksheet, I would take a pen and begin crossing out letters that matched until I was left with a bunch of single letters. At least having lots of single letters didn't cause me to break down or anything. I just felt like I scored horribly and hoped the next worksheet would be better.

Back on Witch World with Glorith and company, they arrive at The Black Witch's castle. I don't know anything about The Black Witch or Blok (though he seems familiar) or Glorith. But apparently The Black Witch has Mordru imprisoned on this world and the disaster befalling the world is threatening to free him. Since Mordru is Merlin's rival and a magical magic man, I'm going to assume it's the same Mordru just thousands of years later and in deep space. The Black Witch manages to free up some of her concentration to depress Glorith and her gang by showing them Sunboy's empty costume and telling them she can't feel Tiny Wazoo's presence in the universe and, lastly, that Validus is currently eating out the chewy center of the world under their feet.

I'm pretty sure the 31st Century is fucked. It's a good thing this can simply be relegated to Alternate Timeline Status!

Meanwhile on the Promethean Giant where everyone is dying and the Legion is slandering the local sentients by calling them cannibals, it appears that Tharok himself was controlling the Promethean Giant. Which probably explains why the Giant kept poking holes in himself.

I don't think any Legionnaires have died! Even Sun Boy probably still exists in heat radiation or something just as preposterous.

Back on Fantasy World, Validus has eaten his way to the center of the Earth and is about to sink his big old baby teeth into the Gem at the Heart of the World when The Whack Bitch appears with Ultra One Hit Wonder Boy, Crok, Glorithole, and Chameleon Kid. Even though Validus is possibly the angriest and most powerful creature in the 31st Century in DC's Universe, he probably has a weakness when it comes to magic. That's the thing about magic: it affects everyone. Especially when the writer needs it to.

But the two magic people don't do anything but watch as first Ultra Boy THOOOMS Validus in the face with his Ultra Strength and then Blok THOOOMs Validus in the stomach with his Super Tackle. Meanwhile Validus just screams, "RRRAGHHH!" and "RRRAGHHH!" and...well, you get the fucking picture. He's not talking at all.

Meanwhile Brainiac is trying to figure out the Fatal Five's current roster. Tharok, The Persuader, Emerald Empress, Validus, and some mystery guy. I won't even hazard a guess since I know just slightly more than nothing about the Legion of Super-heroes.

The battle against Validus takes a time traveling twist as the magic people finally get their act together and perform a grand illusion! The illusion transfers Validus to another place and time to float in deep space among the debris of a shattered world. It's very possible that they sent him back in time so the regular New 52 people will have to deal with him. Also this is usually where I bitch about Flashpoint but the sake flowing through my veins has made me not care. Also, I don't really know that Validus was transported through time; the Black Witch merely implies that that's the case.

At the same moment, Ultra One Hit Wonder Boy and Chameleon Kid are transported back to Earth where they find the Persuader standing on top of Hormonal Growth Spurt Girl.

Legion of Super-heroes #20 Rating: +1 Ranking. I don't know what it is but I'm kind of liking the Legion of Super-heroes right now. It could be the sake or some alteration in my brain chemistry, but it's hitting me just right right now. Maybe I'm just feeling elated due to my crush on the Emerald Empress. It's too bad she was encased in Inertron last issue. I miss her so much.