Batwoman #20

This issue: Batwoman gets hooked on Yu-Gi-Oh.

I guess Batwoman is going to be reintroduced to her sister this issue. And maybe she'll find out that she has a brother as well. But what I'm really hoping will happen will be Hawkfire realizing that a hero using a flamethrower is a really fucking stupid idea.

Comic Book Rule #1: Nobody is ever truly dead. Except Ted Kord.

Kate's going to need some proof that this is her sister before she believes a couple of lying bastards like Cameron Chase and Director Mister Bones. Cameron is going to tell her the story of how she found her but I suspect Kate's going to need a DNA test or a look at her sister's super secret mole two centimeters from her anal sphincter. I hope Kate chooses the latter!

Back when Cameron was searching for Batwoman's secret identity in the heady days of the Preboot Era (except that era doesn't exist anymore so I'm actually just talking about a period of Reboot time before this comic book actually began. So, like August 2011, maybe?), she discovered the Religion of Crime. Cameron and her goons were investigating one of their facilities when all hell broke loose.

Comic Book Rule #2: When a person questions somebody else's motives, they're really questioning themselves.

Comic Book Rule #3: Whenever a story is about to get interesting, delay the interesting bit for a full issue by indulging in a flashback!

In Cameron's story, everybody dies on both sides. Except for her, of course! Did I need to say that? I mean, she is telling the story! Then again, this is a comic book where death doesn't seem to stick. After the battle, Cameron found a sarcophagus and inside it was Kate's sister Beth. The sarcophagus had brought her back to life and kept her in stasis. And then they finally let her out after Medusa was defeated and Kate began acting like a rogue bitch.

At least, that's the story they're going with. I don't trust these fuckers at all! The last time I trusted a cigar smoking skeleton, I...fuck me. It's so bad even I can't finish that joke. You'll just have to come up with your own punchline about anal play and the worst Halloween I've ever had.

Once Kate finds out that Director Mister Bones and Cameron Chase were holding her sister in utero, so to speak, until they could use her against Batwoman, she does the sensible thing.

It's about fucking time!

To keep from getting kicked in his face (or skull or whatever), Director Mister Bones tells Kate that they're giving her back her sister. I'm sure there will be some catches or some strings or some negligible small print but that can all be dealt with later. First, Kate wants to see her sister again.

Comic Book Rule #4: They always come back different. No, wait. That's Stephen King Book Rule #8.

I think if Beth did come back different, it would be for the better. I never read the stories with Black Alice, so I don't know what kind of a psychotic freak she was. But if she's in Gotham and she has an Alice in Wonderland fetish, then she must be mad as a person in a profession that people used to go mad doing. Cobbler? Yeah, probably Cobbler since there was that one that believed Elves were making shoes for him. Crazy loon! Didn't he know Elves make cookies?

Kate makes the deal with Director Mister Bones to find out Batman's secret identity. If she succeeds, Bones returns Beth to Kate, he destroys all evidence on her father, and he leaves her and her family alone. I think there's a Comic Book Rule that deals with deals too but I can't remember it. Comic Book Rule #5: People always hold up their end of the bargain? Does that sound right? That might be it!

When Kate returns home to Maggie, she finds her step mom and her father and Bette all hanging out with Maggie. I thought that Hawkfire had planted a tracer on Batwoman but it was a bug. They've been listening to her conversation with Cameron and Director Mister Bones all night. Now they want to know if it's true: is Beth alive? And who is The Batman?! Does she know yet?! Can they help find out? It's probably Commissioner Gordon, right? You could always tell that stupid mustache was fake!

Batwoman #20 Rating: No change. I'm disappointed that the art wasn't by J.H. Williams. But Trevor McCarthy does the kind of job that I would normally really like if I wasn't full of that disappointment I mentioned in the previous sentence. I guess Batwoman and her Detective Club are going after the biggest fish in Gotham. And by fish, I mean bat. And by bat, I mean man! And by man, I mean the sexiest man in a tight pair of leather jeans! Bruce Banner! I mean, Bruce Wayne!