Red Lanterns #19

I gotta admit: I thought it was going to be Jesus.

Maybe Atrocitus's plan isn't to kill himself. Perhaps he realizes he's become a great big pouting, insecure asshole and he needs to get his Rage back. And what better way to do that than having a bunch of your underlings begin pounding on you thinking they have the power to defeat you? That would make any CEO shit their pants explode with rage! And probably surprise. And shock.

Now I'm picturing Atrocitus wearing a silk suit and kicked back in a swivel leather chair in his penthouse office screaming at his secretary. I guess Dex-Starr is his secretary although Dex-Starr seems to have skinned out of the universe in search of a Midnighter that no longer exists.

This issue begins promisingly enough with the title, "The Death of Atrocitus." This title needs some big changes and I think that would be a perfect place to start. It also begins with Rankorr trying to stop his date from fleeing now that she's learned he's a lava-spewing freak. Rankorr is another huge failure for the Red Lantern Corps. Why do these Lantern Corps keep recruiting people that aren't exemplars of the emotion needed to fuel the rings? When this woman decided to flee from Rankorr, wouldn't a true Rageoholic have just screamed, "Bitch!" and dissolved her in a meaty wave of lava vomit?

Aha! The Red Lanterns are fueled by self-loathing!

The real red emotion is self-loathing and rage is just a byproduct of that! Now it all makes sense! I take back everything I said recently about Atrocitus. He is the most powerful Red Lantern of the bunch because he hates himself so much. Which means Volthoom just made him immensely more powerful last issue.

Bleez is still trying to get a taste of Rankorr's blood because she believes it will allow her to make red constructs as well. Or she's just really hungry for dick. I can't imagine there's a lot of good dating material on Ysmault. But while Bleez and Rankorr are engaged in fisticuffs/foreplay, they get the call from Atrocitus to kill Atrocitus.

Meanwhile on Ysmault, Skallox and Zilius Zox are supporting the Self-Loathing Red Lantern Theory.

All across the universe, the Red Lanterns are wondering what they did to cause Atrocitus to want to kill himself. They're wondering, "How could he do this to me? What's wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why couldn't I be strong enough to stop this?" The entire Red Lantern Corps is being strengthened by Atrocitus's decision to kill himself! Except for one member that can't have any self-loathing at all so I guess he's just in the Corps for the kicks.

Cats are incapable of feeling self-loathing. Which means Dex-Starr is probably going to be the only Red Lantern to fight at Atrocitus's side. And maybe Bleez and Rankorr but that's just because they have college degrees.

The Red Lanterns descend on Atrocitus, vomiting and raging and wondering why nobody loves them. But they can't quite get enough power to kill Atrocitus because their attack on Atrocitus simply supports his self-loathing feeling that everybody wants him to die anyway. So he gets stronger the more they attack him. And the more they attack him, the more he believes he deserves it. I have a feeling this isn't going to work. But then a crack shows in the self-loathing armor! A moment of light! A moment where Atrocitus remembers somebody cared and that somebody loved him!

Oh the sadness! By agreeing to kill Atrocitus because he ordered it, Dex-Starr causes Atrocitus to feel loved and accepted which causes his self-loathing to fail which may just lead to his death. And he was just trying to be a good cat.

Luckily for Atrocitus, the love of a cherished pet isn't enough to make him feel worthy. The others continue to attack him which continues to make him stronger.

That's what I just said!

Finally Atrocitus realizes where he went wrong as a leader. He says, "For countless years...I have been obsessed only with my hurt." I know! That's what powers you dumb dumbs! But what Atrocitus is getting at is that, as a leader, he should also have been concerned with the hurt of the other Red Lanterns. Feeling their pain and misery makes him stronger. At his realization, the old pouty, whiny Atrocitus that nobody liked to be around dies and is replaced by a stronger, more confident, angrier Atrocitus that nobody is going to like being around. And with that, the Red Lanterns are reforged into a mighty army that ruins every party and depresses everybody they meet. Their next mission: to bathe in the blood of the Guardians! That sounds like the best issue yet!

Red Lanterns #19 Rating: No change. I was hoping that Atrocitus would be killed and he was simply reforged. That's good enough. As long as he isn't that asshole that wouldn't stop whinging on about his dead family and the possibility of revolt among his fellow lanterns and how somebody stole his dead fuck buddy. That was all getting really old. Plus, Dex-Starr is finally back! I still have hope that he'll have a rematch with Midnighter because I have a feeling Stormwatch: Old School won't be around forever. My only evidence of that is the old logo being used on Stormwatch #19. It seems against The New 52 brand look to go back in time to a Preboot graphic, so my guess is that it's only temporary.