Green Lantern Corps #20

Yay! I think "Epilogue" means over!

This comic book has been sitting on the bottom of my new comic pile for two weeks now because DC is full of stupid dumb dumb heads that can't do anything right. Well, I guess they can do lots of stuff right but I'm not going to credit them with any of that stuff when I have a bone of contention to pick out of their faces. This comic clearly states "Epilogue" right there on the front! See it? Tiny letters? Right up top? And yet it came out two weeks before the Wrath of the First Lantern Finale! That's worse planning than the Catwoman/Justice League America catastrophe they had last month! Unless it was the beginning of this month? I don't remember! I just wanted to use the word "catastrophe" in relation to Catwoman!

I'm glad G'nort didn't make the cover of this issue because that would have ruined the surprise G'nort appearance in Green Lantern #20. If you haven't read Green Lantern #20 yet, I just made that up about G'nort appearing in it. That never happened. But you should probably have read that issue before reading this issue anyway! Don't you know the definitions of "epilogue" and "finale"?!

The issue begins with Kilowog and Guy pulling Salaak out of the closet the Guardians had locked him in because he was getting too nosy and uppity and rebellious. They fill him in on what happened in Green Lantern #20 and ruin the surprise for anybody that didn't know what the word "epilogue" meant and read this book two weeks ago.

I guess that image doesn't totally spoil it. The Wrath of the First Lantern could have ended in an orgy and that could be semen covering the two of them. Although Kilowog saying they died kind of makes it a really horrible orgy.

Meanwhile John and Fatality ride Mogo back to its home orbit in Sector 2261. And then John and Fatality fuck each other right on Mogo's face.

So two women have sex in Batwoman and it gets a Teen Plus Rating. But three Green Lanterns have some kinky three way sex and it's just a Teen Rating! Where's the consistency?!

Back on Oa where everybody is currently keeping their dicks and vaginas and whatever planets fuck with in their pants, Salaak shows Guy Gardner some footage of the Guardians conspiring with Xar to set Guy up for dereliction of duties or some other fancy charge. And now that the Guardians are dead, Guy needs to hunt down Xar and get him back in the Oan super cells. Or to, you know, kill him. I think Guy is going to be leading the Red Lanterns soon so there might be some tragedy associated with Xar and Guy and Guy's family coming up. To prevent this from happening (although I've seen the adverts for Red Lantern #21 with Guy Gardner so I don't think anything can be prevented!), Guy brings Saint Walker along on the hunt so that Guy can be super duper charged when he fights with Xar. And sure enough, Salaak tracks down Xar. He's on Earth and he's terrorizing Guy's family.

Nobody's died yet and here he comes! So what's going to go wrong?

Guy Gardner's super-charged ring disintegrates Xar in one gigantic two page panel. And then the Gardner family hugs! Although Guy's dad might just be hugging his other son and daughter because he's happy they're safe. He might still hate Guy for not saving a whole plane full of people from dying. Well, old man, did you save them? No? Well be mad at yourself as well then! Guy didn't plant the bombs, you stupid drunk asshole. I have no time for bitter old men!

Fuck. I guess I'm going to hate myself in a few decades.

Afterward, the Gardner siblings go camping.

That hum is probably created by the one or so atmospheres of pressure on your ear drums created by the ring around your body so you don't bubble up and explode while in deep space. Or maybe it's just the hum of the ring as it constantly maintains the pressure and oxygen around your body. Plus all the cosmic radiation! But I doubt Guy has spent any time in space unprotected to hear the actual sounds because when he is unprotected, he's probably too busy dying to think, "That's an odd hum!"

Guy decides he's going to take some vacation days now that Geoff Johns isn't around to push him into one catastrophe after another. So he hangs out on Earth trying to relax. Day Seven of his vacation is probably my favorite.

I'm surprised the cover didn't proclaim, "Guy Gardner versus the King of Atlantis!"

Guy only makes it about ten days. It's the people that drive him away. Bunch of jerks living on Earth, I tell you what.

Also his brother is stupid.

Green Lantern Corps #20 Rating: +1 Ranking. Who was Guy Gardner dating when he threw the asshole through the movie screen? She looked familiar! I think Fire and Ice had a bit of a Justice League Satellite Teleportation accident and they were fused into one person and that's the person Guy was dating. I'm pretty sure Green Hair plus White Hair ends up being Blonde Hair. Anyway, as always, Tomasi presents an enjoyable story driven mostly by the characters. Who needs an action packed plot when you can make people this interesting?