Vibe #4

How can you be betrayed by somebody whose trust you've never earned in the first place? Punch him in the throat, Batman!

Vibe has begun to get suspicious of A.R.G.U.S. and Agent Gunn and Amanda Waller. I would say it's about time but he's actually come to the realization much quicker than I would have expected. Perhaps he'll run into Batman as he's investigating the Justice League of America. That pronoun was meant to be ambiguous because I think they'll both be investigating the JLA when they end up sneaking backwards into each other in a dark subbasement hallway.

The issue begins with Agent Gunn's wife starting an argument.

Why do so many strong, young black men got to go for these white bitches?

Casey has no idea what he's arguing for. All Casey wants is for Gunn to wear a stupid ring when he's at work. A lousy ring! Casey really wants to risk his life for a tiny, insignificant, minute little point? Casey! Wake the fuck up, dumb dumb! A.R.G.U.S. fucks with super villains heroes! Somebody is eventually going to get pissed and you think you're going to be able to defend the home with your dish soap soft hands? You're in construction, right? Perhaps you should get busy with the fucking coffin.

Meanwhile I forgot that someone in a strange blue and gold costume had infiltrated Vibe's inner sanctum. That's his bedroom. And he's got half a message to deliver to Vibe and by gum he's going to deliver it!

Success!

Meanwhile Gypsy is busy gathering her super hero uniform and helping the homeless and recovering spilled popcorn. She seems like a very sweet interdimensional devil warrior. Too bad A.R.G.U.S. and Vibe are going to hunt her down and bring her to justice! That'll teach her to try to better her life in another dimension without all of the proper paper work. How dare she take jobs from Prime Dimensionalists! Just because she has a good attitude and a hard work ethic doesn't mean she should be allowed to earn Prime Dimensional Currency! Go back where you came from, you shape-shifting Breachie!

Oh, I once wrote a comic book about aliens coming to America! I'm linking to it instead of posting it here because the font probably won't be readable when I reduce it to 620 pixels. But I assure you that I wrote at least half the shit over there at No Apologies! Press! I'm The Red Lizard King in the Editorials section and I also wrote Dwarflover, Superball!, True American History, Quasi-Thinking (which would be a terrific Tumblr site), Sci-fi Tales, Movie Reviews, and co-wrote Reading Rainbow Outtakes, Future Retard, and Crazy Asian Drinks. The majority of Grunion Guy's stories are posted there as well. But enough about the past, eh? Especially when I didn't provide links to each bit. Like anybody is going to do a few clicks worth of work to read any of that old shit. That stuff is ancient history! Over a decade old! Holy fuck I've been writing shit on the internet for a Goddamn long time.

I really like the first one didn't take line. It just says so much about Gunn's life in such a minimal amount of space. Beautifully subtle, really. In that way that isn't too subtle so that only a few readers get it. It's there for everyone but it doesn't bash anybody over the head with a long explication of his time trying to pass. Plus it leaves us with the knowledge that he has a, probably interesting, story to tell.

So Vibe is off to find Gypsy now. I really don't think those two should work together ever again. I mean, Vibe is already working with Martian Manhunter! Now you're going to throw Gypsy in the mix? What next? Steel and Vixen? Disaster!

The crowd is restless and obviously anti-American the way they keep screaming about how they have rights and shit. Don't they realize the government is just trying to keep them safe by keeping them confined? Sheesh! You want to live until your liver gives out, right people? Then give up your stupid freedoms already so that you can feel safer! Geez. Trouble makers.

Vibe gives chase to Gypsy until he's kicked in the face by Batman. Uh oh! I think the Justice League may have gotten wind of Amanda Waller's stupid plan to kill them.

Except Batman is really Gypsy! Oh man! She's so tricky! But shouldn't she get a new name? I mean, really? Gypsy? Isn't that a little derogatory? Why not Spic? Or Kike? Or Nigger? Or Cunt? Or Honky? Or...man. Honky! Why can't we think up a good derogatory slang word for white men? You know why? Because they've usually been raised in a culture that teaches them they have all the power and everybody else is inferior. So there's no real stigma attached to the word. Unless you're someone like my high school friend Soy Rakelson who was constantly upset when white men were the butt of jokes or the punching bags in essays. He'd flip out and wonder why that wasn't discrimination or why people weren't protesting that piece of writing. Man. He had issues. Oh! I think calling white people racist is the best derogatory term you can come up with. Especially if they aren't! Boy, they turn red and sputter and go into a death spiral of verbiage as they try to defend themselves against the claim. The Honky half of me doesn't give a shit about being called anything but the Spic half of me will fucking gut you if you degrade my Spanish ancestors! And let's not even get into sexual orientation! Heterosexual with Continuous Bouts of Narcissistic Self-Love and College Experimental Tendencies.

I bet the name "Gypsy" was simply less offensive than everything I wrote after bringing that up! For the record, I think football teams with Native American mascots are bullshit. Fuck everyone who thinks that's okay.

Looks like Vibe isn't going to be in the JLA for very long.

By collapsing the ceiling on A.R.G.U.S., Vibe gets a moment to speak privately to Gypsy. He discovers that she was left behind as her tribe moved through this dimension and she simply wants to find a way home to her family. Vibe believes her because she's a pretty girl.

Agent Gunn is getting to know Vibe and he realizes Vibe probably just needs to be talked to about Gypsy and what letting her go could mean. But Amanda is a cold-hearted bitch that wants things done her way no matter what may be wrong or right. Fuck reality. Amanda Waller writes reality, bitches. So she calls up her other team to take care of this mess and capture Vibe and Gypsy alive.

This may be my favorite moment with the Suicide Squad so far in the entire New 52!

Vibe #4 Rating: +2 Ranking. This comic is fun and interesting and I like where things are headed. I apologize to Sterling Gates for continuously calling him a crappy writer. Obviously he was merely writing down to Rob Liefeld's artistic level. Man, that's the worst apology in the world because now I need to apologize to Rob Liefeld too! Fuck that! Once he (or someone in his camp) claimed he was basically as important as Jack Kirby to the world of comics, I was done with him. Just because you created a lot of characters that were exactly alike with no personality whatsoever and all had names like Blooddeath and Deathspew and Killalot and Deathkill and Bloodflow and Deadborn and Smashkill, it doesn't mean you were an amazing creator. And just because you created a character like Deadpool, it doesn't mean you "created" the character! You made a shitty character that other people turned into a hilarious anti-hero. It's kind of like Giffen creating Lobo. The potential may have been there but not until Alan Grant got his grubby little mind on him did the character turn into something hilarious and fantastic. Of course he became an overused punching bag soon after that, but that doesn't erase the peak of his career.

Anyway, what I was trying to say was this: I'm sorry for putting down your writing so often, Mr. Gates. I'm very much enjoying Vibe and it's apparent you know what you're doing. Congratulations!