Prez #4

Free Selina!

I think it's about time I give it up and move on. I'm not willing to do videos or podcasts which means I've about reached the limit of my audience for this thing where I string bunches and bunches of words together. Besides, everybody really believes that thing Bacon or Marlowe said about brevity being the soul of wit since it justifies their shitty attention spans. The only issue with quitting the long-winded review format is figuring out what to do with all of the extra time I'll have. I guess there are always video games.

This issue has a different artist than the previous artist whose work I enjoyed so much that I can't remember his name. Was it Ben Caldwell? I think it was Ben Caldwell! Good job, brain! Have a molly! Good boy or girl!

On the second page, Prez Rickard mentions "Tinder" and I breathe a sigh of relief knowing this comic is totally modern. I can't stand those old comics by people like Dan Jurgens and other people like Dan Jurgens that don't realize time has moved past 1987. Granted, I might be one of those people seeing as how I'm still using the written format to express myself. I really should learn how to smile and maybe clean the blood stains off of my teeth so I at least have the option of appearing on camera. Although most of those YouTube videos use that quick cut editing because nobody is actually that upbeat in real life, right? Maybe I would fit right in with the proper editing! "Hey hey FUCK OFF YOU ASSHOLES this comic book was HOLY SHITFIRE decent!" See? I can make that work with a few cuts!

Well, at least the perceptive people now know what happened to Caldwell.

The previous scan shows the first really weak point in Mark Russell's vision of the future. He's finally shown a flaw in his writing. Twitter won the social media wars? Twitter is shit. Twitter is the illusion of interaction. Somebody tweets something funny and then dozens of their followers tweet horribly unfunny jokes back at them. Or they tweet mean-spirited shit in the hopes of getting noticed by the more famous person who then responds, thus inundating the mean person with loads and loads of unfunny and desperate tweets from the more famous person's idiotic fans. Some people on Twitter use it as a way to seemingly really interact with their fans, people like Sail Gimone (name changed to protect the innocent (me!) from angry rampaging Oregon androids (Sail Gimone!)). But that's just because she (or he!) has to maintain the illusion that he (or she!) is not actually a murderous android who has enslaved all of the residents of the small Oregon town where she (or he!) lives. And I can't support a social media site whose best feature is the ability to help evil monsters maintain their illusions of upstanding, hilarious, good-hearted personage.

Beth recruits her old boss as her new chief of staff. I bet she does it so she can make her do embarrassing things like speak in front of Congress or answer interviewer questions on live television!

While American service men (nerds in recliners remote controlling big robots with bigger guns) murder non-Americans to protect your freedom which you'll thank them for because you're whatever sheep call their version of sheep, Beth has a chat with Senator Thorn during the inaugural ball. Do I have to point out how his name is "thorn" or is that patently obvious? Did I use "patently" correctly there? How about "obvious"? Maybe I should do podcasts where I can't second guess my word choices after every sentence I utter.

Saying things are as dead as Jheri curl is as dead as Jheri curl. Jheri curl is so dead that I should probably stick a picture of eighties Lionel Richie here so that people know what the fuck it is.

While Beth deals with the repercussions of American robot-controlled soldiers killing brown people around the world, Fred Wayne is introduced to the readers. In his biography, it's mentioned that he bought the state of Delaware in 2029. That's only fourteen years away! I guess Bruce must have already gotten Madison pregnant because no way is Damian going to have a kid soon enough for Fred Wayne's existence to make sense. Unless time travel was involved! I bet that's it!

Oh man. This whole pig-fucking subplot couldn't be any more timely! Don't you think, David "Bae of Pigs" Cameron?

Beth and her friends relax in the presidential movie theater watching a show about Night Justice!

Fucking brilliant.

Why am I even writing "commentary" to this comic book? My entire "review" should simply read "Go read this, you ignorant assholes!" Reading my writing on Mark Russell's Prez is like looking at a turd left by somebody who just ate a meal at a Michelin Star restaurant.

Beth runs from the theater crying as "art" makes her realize "truth." Has anybody ever pointed that out before? That seems like something somebody should have written an essay about by now.

Meanwhile, the man who shot the boy playing soccer getting shot by an American service man video is about to be tortured in Guantanamo Bay. He's treated like crap because that's what happens when you train soldiers to battle. They need enemies and now they have them. Muslims! Just like American police believe that black people are enemies! Yay for training people who are supposed to be protectors to view the world as us versus them, thus making them aggressors instead! USA! USA!

Um, anyway, over in Guantanamo, the Powers That Wannabe test out a new security bot with its own artificial intelligence on some of the captives. It murders them all. Success! It's almost as clever as the Panopticon invented twenty two years earlier but lost in the Sound thanks to Oliver Queen!

Oh shit. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?! He's going to learn how to kidnap and rape!

I can't be the only one who refers to that movie as Seven Brides for Seven Kidnapping Rapists, can I?

Meanwhile, Fred Wayne is fighting injustice in the Fred Wayne way! He saw all that pig farm pork bill bullshit and has decided to buy properties next to politicians who helped pass the law. He's then turning those properties into pig farms. Using an old trick from the horror movie Hotel Hell, Fred has set up a sign for his Hello Farms with a bunch of the lights out so that the sign reads, "Welcome to Hell".

Beth decides she wants to shut down the American Robot Sentry program all over the world. So that discussion is being waged by people who actually think about things because Beth's cabinet is full of people with thoughts as opposed to people with open mouths ready to orally pleasure the person who gave them the job. While that meeting takes place, War Beast escapes and heads to Miami. Probably to sing and dance and kidnap a bunch of women.

Prez #4 Rating: +2 Ranking. Go read this, you ignorant assholes!