Gotham Academy #6

How many Experience Points is Batman worth? I'd say he's about a 12 Hit Dice creature.

When's the last time anybody else has gone to a Fry's Electronics? When did soft soap, candy, and body pillows become "electronics"? That place is like walking into a flea market now. My favorite display is for the digital cameras. It's more empty spaces and security wires connected to nothing then it is cameras. Who would have guessed the cell phone market would kill the digital camera market?

Last issue ended with Maps and her friends hanging out with Killer Croc as he told them funny Batman stories. But then Batman dropped in because his Bat-Ears were burning and he was all, "Lies! Take it back! I never once said Jason Todd had it coming and I in no way financed that pub calling itself the Crow Bar!"

This is what happens when you talk about Batman behind his back.

While Maps heroically leads Pomeline and Colton to safety during the Batman/Killer Croc throwdown, Olive Silverlock stays behind to manifest some super powers. She ignites Colton's fireworks with the power of her mind. That might be conclusive proof that she is the one that burned down the North Hall last summer. Or it might just be proof that she time traveled.

With the North Hall burning around them (again!) and the ceiling about to cave in on top of Olive (again!), Killer Croc scoops Olive up and heads into the secret passage that Maps bravely retreated into to make sure it was clear. Batman remains behind in the fire because nothing can kill him. The kids get split up and Olive winds up alone with Croc. That's probably a good thing because now he can tell her secret stories about her mother.

Croc's cell was right across from Sybil's but none of his stories are, sadly, about her using the toilet in her cell. Instead he just mentions that she could be scary and when she was scary, she'd talk about how Gotham Academy and Arkham Asylum were connected by more than just tunnels. They're also connected to Wayne Manor too!

Croc leaves Olive at the edge of the swamp and disappears telling her she's always welcome to come visit him. Then she heads back to school to join up with this comic book's real main character, Maps.

I wonder when Maps's secret power will be revealed?

Later Batman appears to Olive so that he can lecture her. Why is Batman the favorite of so many people? He's a douchey killjoy buttpoo. And then after his lecture when Olive thinks she gets to ask him some questions, he does the fucking disappearing act. He's such a coward!

The next day, Pomeline and Olive (PomOlive?) give their Millie Jane Cobblepot report. It's all about how Millie Jane was made a captive of Arkham to ensure that she wouldn't expose the Cobblepot family secrets. She was kept in the building that's currently the girls' dorm. She later escaped using the secret tunnels but her freedom led to her death and the death of her father. In mysterious circumstances! Also she might not have died since she wasn't buried in the Cobblepot family tomb.

Then Colton arrives with a big clue to the mysterious symbol they've been seeing everywhere. The one with the "W" on top of the "M" denoting "Wayne Manor"? Well, Maps sees Colton's "A"s on his assignment and realizes the symbol could be an "A" with another "A" inverted on top of the first one. And that could stand for Arkham Asylum! Too bad they're wrong because the symbol was already shown at Wayne Manor when it was renovated to become Arkham Manor! But they're just junior detectives who have yet to begin the Trixie Belden World's Greatest Detective Home Course like I have. And anyway, Arkham Asylum, Wayne Manor, and Gotham Academy are all linked to some greater mystery anyway, so at least they're on the right track.

I hope they call their detective club "Maps'sses Dicks."

I think instead they're calling it Pizza Club which is stupid and dumb because it isn't what I suggested.

But wait! There's one of those "meanwhiles" I love to throw around my commentaries! This one involves Damian Wayne hunting down The Diary of Millie Jane Cobblepot and taking it back from Maps'sses Dicks. He does this because it was inscribed to Bruce from his mother Martha. Aww! And I thought Bruce was just being a pushy asshole when he tried to get the diary back from Olive! But the best part about the Meanwhile Epilogue is that Damian Wayne is being enrolled in Gotham Academy! Yay!

Stay away from Maps, you ten year old pervert!

Gotham Academy #6 Rating: +1 Ranking. What a twist! I never saw the Damian thing coming! Could this book get any better or any more like an episode of Degrassi Junior High? The good series with Caitlin and Joey and Snake and Wheels and The Zit Remedy. Although I'm not a hater about the new version with Drake and all the other people whose names I've forgotten (like the kid that gets shot in an alley and the kid that shoots Jimmy and the hot girl and the other hot girl and the hot boy and Liberty and the other hot boy) since I only watched it through the one time thanks to Netflix and its old fashioned method of sending disks through the mail. Degrassi the Next Generation is good stuff too but since I grew up alongside the first series, I have to love that one more. Gotham Academy really does need a theme song that I can play each month before I read it. DC Comics, get to work on that!