Wonder Woman #40

I hope we're having Tater Tot Casserole.

After I read this issue, I have the fucking annuals to read. I despise doing commentary on most annuals because nobody cares about annuals! Even the writers don't care about the annuals! The only people who care about annuals are the newbie artists that get to draw them because none of the pros give enough fucks to take on the assignment. This batch of annuals looks to have a bunch of artists that have done work for The New 52 but haven't had any steady work on a title, or are coming back after having been away for a bit. Except for the exceptions. And maybe the writers care! Tomasi usually puts together a Batman and Robin story that tugs at the tear ducts. But I bet the others don't give a shit.

The worst part is that the annuals are so long! When I first came back to comics, I was surprised that they had dropped to just twenty pages. But after doing the commentaries for a few months, I was glad they were so short. Annuals are a pain in the ass.

This issue of Wonder Woman is going to be a pain in the ass too. I can already tell because it begins with Diana attacking Donna Troy. And while she's attacking her, she's talking about how crazy everybody is acting because they've given in to fear. Stop it, Diana. You're the one acting crazy! You're attacking the Amazons newly chosen leader. You've been ignoring their problems and they solved the problem of you ignoring the problem where you ignore their problems. Maybe you should talk with their new leader and decide if she'll do a good job. You're so stressed! Let some of your responsibilities go! Maybe go take a hot bath. I bet David Finch would love to draw that!

The fight is broken up so that everybody can discuss the situation in the way that the situation should have been discussed in the first place. It's when the discussion starts going against you that you pull out the sword, Diana! That's just simple logic!

Wonder Woman isn't doing what's best for anybody! Send the brothers back to Hephaestus. They seemed to enjoy that life. Stop trying to make some kind of political point, Diana, and just let the boys go.

The only female Amazons left on the island, besides that really old lady in that previous scan, are all about thirteen years old. I'm just going by the artwork! Although they must be drinking cows full of growth hormone because...HOO-BOY!...do they all have great big bosoms! And just like a bunch of bossy teenagers that think they know better than every adult ever (obvs! Because the adults are all racists hypocritical dickmunches, amirite?!), they challenge Diana to prove her loyalty to them. Jesus fucking Xmas! Why is everybody in comics drama loving buttholes with no ability to remember anything. Diana fucking just saved you clowns against the armies of the First Born! How can you forget that shit? All these fucking Amazons can just go eat a big bag of dicks! Why not? They won't even know what they're eating, right?

Amazon #1: "Is this a mushroom?"
Amazon #2: "Mine is covered in frosting!"
Amazon #3: "I put mine in my butt!"

"Not like you, you filthy man-mutt!"

Diana points out how the kids used to call her "Jugs" and not because of her large breasts. They constantly teased her for being made out of clay but now they desire a Queen made from clay? Amazons are so fickle! The main thing the ancient philosophers gossiped about when discussing the Amazons was how fickle they were! That and the secret location where they bathed.

Wonder Woman, like Oliver Queen, thinks she knows what's best for the people living in the place where she lives. She sees the flaws they don't know they have. If she could just get them all to change and agree with her and think just like her, everything would be fine! Although I wonder if she's thought about maybe not painting every Amazon with the same broad brush when discussing them? Learn to trust, Diana.

Wonder Woman decides to discuss her problems with Superman while they save some children in a bus about to fall off of a bridge. He's a man! He should have some really good insights into solving the problems of a city full of women!

Why does Superman look like Rob Liefeld in a dark wig?

Wonder Woman admits to Superman that she wasn't comfortable going back to Themyscira after her mother died. Why won't she say those things to the Amazons? That's the kind of shit they need to hear from their Queen! They feel Diana isn't spending enough time on the island and it's affecting her ability to lead. Isn't the fact that she's hurting every time she has to go back part of the problem? She needs to admit it to her fellow Amazons! It would go a long way towards fixing the rift if they knew how her mother's death was interfering with her ability to lead.

I'm starting to suspect Diana should let somebody else lead! She knows it already. She can't split her attention between ruling a small island nation and being a member of the Justice League with an apartment in London and a dangerous plant to take care of. Just let it go, Di!

Who's going to war? If the Amazons want the men off the island, send them back to Hephaestus. The experiment didn't work. Once again: let it motherfucking go!

Superman and Wonder Woman are headed toward that cave where the insect people who were stealing small villages live. Now it's time for Wonder Woman to confront the Insect Queen and learn a little something about the responsibilities of being a Queen! I bet she makes her decision on what to do about Themyscira based on this confrontation!

The Justice League have found the Queen's lair and Wonder Woman declares this may be the only chance they have to stop the Insect People.

What the fuck does that mean? Is he taking a shot at Aquaman somehow?

Before Diana leads them into the cave, Batman takes a moment to get handsy with Diana. He's all, "Diana! I hope you don't mind I've put my hand on your bare shoulder! I know you can feel my manly manliness leaking through my glove (that's also partially the Kryptonite underlining)! But I just wanted to make sure we were okay. I mean, I accused you of being a murdering murderer last issue and I just wanted you to know: I'm still fucking pissed that you turned it around on me and said I had blood on my hands! That's wrong! I do not have any blood on my hands! Take it back!" And Wonder Woman is all, "We're good! Trust me!"

The Justice League encounter the Bug Queen on her non-Buggy throne and they let Wonder Woman speak with her because The Flash cracks too many jokes, Superman is an idiot, and Batman would just scowl and answer every question with "I'm The Batman!" They don't let Cyborg speak because they're all racist. Or it could just be Wonder Woman is kind of an ambassador and also more than kind of a queen herself. So she should know how to talk to the Queen of the Bug People.

I have no idea why Diana flips that guy. I guess David Finch was just all, "Talking is so boring!"

The Bug Queen sure has done her research on the Greek Gods! Although I'm not sure how "We're just killing humans because it's our nature!" is a valid defense for having killed all of the humans. Sure, it's the reason they killed them. They need to feed on humans so they eat humans. But that doesn't mean the humans have to accept it! They have a right to kill the Bug People when the Bug People are murdering them. Then Diana can act all uppity and tell the Bug Queen, "It's in our nature to defend ourselves with violence!" Then the Bug Queen can just be all, "Oh! Okay then. We'll just starve. Sorry about that!"

And then David Finch finally gets his double page splash in! I was wondering if he was going to get around to one. It's a picture of the Amazons slaughtering their brothers while Diana is off debating the Bug Queen. See, Donna Troy and her old patron don't want the men on the island. And apparently all of the other Amazons are dopey enough to go along with killing the men. Forget that they just helped save Paradise Island from the First Born. They're icky men! They deserve to be murdered before they can have a chance to leave peacefully. I guess Donna Troy is just a charismatic, convincing leader.

And that's where this issue ends! The conclusion to the story will take place in the Wonder Woman Annual in two months. That's just bad planning, DC. You should never use the annuals to finish story arcs. If you are going to do that, you really should number the annuals so that they fall in line with the numbering of the regular series. This coming annual should be Wonder Woman Annual #40.5. That way when somebody is picking up back issues of this comic book, they'll know they need to read the annual and they'll know exactly where it fits in.

Wonder Woman #40 Rating: -2 Ranking. This comic book just makes the Amazons look like assholes and makes Wonder Woman seem incompetent. I suppose when it all wraps up, Meredith Finch can have Strife lowered down from the ceiling saying, "Surprise! Nobody was acting in the manner they should have been acting because I was influencing them! Any horrible characterizations are totally explained away because of the influence of the Gods! Please do not write letters of complaint!" If fans thought The New 52 Wonder Woman was bad before, they should get a load of this skidmark named Diana! What a joke! I hope it's a joke. This is all a joke, right Meredith?