Since the final issue didn't end in hugs, the series needed one final annual. Which will end in hugs, by God, or I'm going to curl up on the bathroom floor and weep! I will also do that if this ends in hugs!
Damian is hanging out in the backyard of Wayne Manor with Titus. He's keeping a close eye on the Justice League Satellite Brought To You By LexCorps through his spoiled rich kid telescope. Lucky little fucker has a computerized one that you can set to automatically move along with whatever you're looking at. My shitty telescope had the dials on the ends of flexible rods that you had to constantly keep adjusting if you wanted to keep Jupiter in sight for any length of time. And my stand was crap so even just turning the dials sometimes shifted things so you'd have to relocate the planet all over again. It was actually fucking cool and probably a more expensive telescope than my mom could really afford at the time. Still, I would love to have one of those fuckers Damian is using. Although, I think Bruce is a cheap bastard because can't he afford to build Damian a fucking observatory right in the backyard?
Damian decides voyeurism isn't as much fun as actually being a part of the thing observed, so he spends a few hours fixing up an old Justice League teleportation system and heads into space to visit dad.
Fucking Titus. How come Alfred Pennyworth the Cat and Batcow never get to go on away missions?
One of the major problems with how we connect as humans is that the few moments where we all seem to be focused on the same event and where we have a chance to bond through shared sentiment and empathy have all been disasters. Was the moon landing the last time Americans shared in an uplifting moment which sparked the imagination of a generation and seemed to erase any limits on what was possible? Maybe that time Richard Hatch won the first Survivor?
Anyway, Batman and Robin investigate the mysterious creatures living inside one of the Lunar Modules abandoned on the moon.
Gross. Their asses are on the tops of their heads. I bet the whole inside of the lunar module smells like brain farts.
The aliens notice Batman and Robin clinging to the outside of their home so the hit the thrusters and the module flies off above the surface of the moon. Batman and Robin bail, hop in their lunar rover, and give chase!
Watch out for craters, Batman! And those huge rocks! Bounce!
The Dynamic Duo track the aliens to a distant crater where they find a gigantic alien spaceship. This is where Batman is supposed to get on his communicator and call in Planetary.
Instead of going in swinging his sword and trying to murder everybody the way the current Wonder Woman would, Batman tells Damian that they should investigate quietly to find out what's going on. It could all be just a bunch of harmless alien good times. And a proper detective detects before he wastes resources because resources cost money and most detectives never get paid because the dame is always double crossing them.
Batman manages to operate the alien technology that they've cobbled together since it's made from old Earth technology. He discovers that the aliens are indeed looking to make Earth their new home. That means Damian and Bruce get to bust alien bones. I'm unclear if Batman is okay with killing aliens. If they're sentient, he usually avoids death at all costs. But sometimes, depending on how many pages are left in the story or how neatly and quickly the plot has to be wrapped up, Batman doesn't give a shit about sentience.
During the fight scene, I realize that the aliens aren't speaking gibberish at all. They're just not using Old Portugese [sic] correctly! They're ignoring the actual sound the letters in the language are supposed to make and simply using their visual similarity to our alphabet. And the letters in the words are scrambled.
From left to right: "I have you now!" "Ha I got him!" "Ha I got him!" "Nonono, we can't let them escape!"
The aliens begin to launch the space craft as Batman and Robin try to climb into the cockpit to stop it. Once they secure the cockpit, Batman shoves Damian through the door to the outside of the craft. If the mission is going to be a suicide mission, Batman wants all the glory himself. At least Damian gets to drive the Lunar Rover as he heads back to the shuttle. Which he'll get to fly all by himself when he goes to rescue his father. What a great day this has turned out to be!
Meanwhile, Alfred Pennyworth is stuffing his face full of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
"You are worms! Screw you and your family!"
Batman thanks Damian for saving his life and Damian is all, "I can't wait to see the stupid look on Alfred's face when I tell him what we did while he stuffed his face full of ice cream!" And then Batman puts a hand on Damian's shoulder which, I suppose for Batman, is as close to a hug as he can manage. What was that I said earlier? Oh yeah! Dick.
Pearls? Jesus Christ, Batman. You sure know how to ruin a mood. "I see the universe as just one big murder scene, Boy!"
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