Deathstroke #6

Daddy issues strike again!

I'm so glad Deathstroke's daddy finally got out of that hospice bed in Gary, Indiana to make Slade's life a living hell. Remember that issue where we learned the thing that most drives Deathstroke is his need to prove he's better than his abusive father? The cover of that issue said, "In the name of the father...". So even though Slade Wilson is an old man and successful, he's still trying to get his daddy's love. What an asshole. Give it up, Slade. If you ever find yourself chasing your father's love, it means your father never gave a shit about you and it's time to just cut ties. You should never have to fight for a parent's love. If they don't show it, they're worthless. Find a surrogate mother or father if yours is a piece of shit. Or just lose yourself in drugs! But don't embarrass yourself like Slade Wilson is doing.

I hope this issue ends with tears and hugs!

Oh no! Harley has daddy issues too?! Oh wait. Of course she does. I forgot about her ex for a second.

Deathstroke and Harley discover the torn apart body of Possum in the first double splash page of the comic book. Possum is definitely dead this time because his head is detached from his body. And there is no way it's going to start talking even though Harley has squatted down next to it and doesn't finish her sentence about not being easily creeped out. She'll finish that sentence on the next page no problem! It's not like the guy chose the name "Possum" for any particular clue as to his powers!

Dammit! How did I not see this coming?!

After laughing at Harley because she's surprised by the suddenly alive disembodied head and then telling her that his name is Possum for a reason, Slade is surprised by the other parts of Possum which attack him. He thinks, "How can he--? Even my healing factor's not this good." Well, he is named Possum for a reason, Deathstroke! Ha haha ha haaaa haaa!

Slade manages to impale Possum's head on the end of his staff which, I guess, causes Possum's other body parts to back off so that Slade doesn't kill their boss. Although is Possum's head really the boss? I think this is finally the penis's chance to take over once and for all!

Odysseus has taken Rose and Joey Wilson captive although he still doesn't remember his grandson's real name. How long before somebody informs Tony S. Daniel that Jericho's real name is Joey? Maybe draw it up in a two page spread. That should get his attention. Possibly have a fourteen year old girl yelling it?

Odysseus sucks Jericho's soul into his own face while Rose watches her brother being killed. She's so upset that she calls him by his real name! No, just kidding. She still calls him Jericho. But before Jericho can be killed, Deathstroke and Harley Quinn arrive on the scene to save him.

No, wait. It's just a diversion. Sorry, Joseph!

Guess what time it is now, folks?! Second double splash page! In that huge amount of wasted space, Deathstroke kills three of Odysseus's five best soldiers! Too bad to figure out which of his soldiers were the five best, he had all of his soldiers fight to the death. Seems a little shortsighted because now he just has two soldiers in his army of mindless thugs.

Deathstroke Lifetime Kill Count: 937

Why is she so happy about it?

If Batman doesn't show up at some point, I'm going to be severely disappointed. Did he just crawl out from under the rubble of the explosion, wipe off his bat suit, shrug his shoulders and go home? Of course he didn't! He's The Jeezly Crow Batman! He's going to hunt these psychos down and bring them to justice!

I mean, he should do that. But since Tony S. Daniel is writing this, Batman probably won't act like Batman should act. Besides, he's a man! Who wants to bother with drawing more men?! Ugh! David Finch understands.

Odysseus, lying on the ground bloody and wounded and missing the opposite eye of his son, is all, "Wha-wha-what?! But you're dead!" He's confused and on the ground and weaponless so Slade shoots him in the head and ends it.

Ha ha! Just kidding! Tony S. Daniel, remember?! Slade, between panels apparently, gives Odysseus time to stand up and gather his scythes and then Slade charges him with his sword. I guess when you kill your father, you want to be fair about it.

What?! No motherfucking great fishing trips? Just standard, okay, run-of-the-mill fishing trips?! Kill that bastard!

Deathstork Deathstroke basically fought Batman to a standstill last issue. But this issue, he can't even last three poorly choreographed panels against his dad without losing a fucking eye. And the two panels above were the first two! Here's the third:

This is why I hate Narration Boxing. Even while screaming about his eye, Slade is calmly reminiscing about his past.

Slade is obviously thinking about his first blade from dad while screaming about his eye being hacked out because the final two Narration Boxes show how Slade is noticing his father's eyes glowing in the immediate situation. He's also allowing himself to think about the fight after this fight which is a big no-no in contract killing! You concentrate on the opponent in front of you! Only after he's dead do you move on to the next kill! I should know! I once saw a movie about a contract killer!

On the next page, Slade mentions how he's become attached to his new eye and doesn't want to lose it. So he was just overreacting in that last panel. I suppose he could have lost it for a few seconds but then his healing factor kicked in and regrew it.

Some other stuff is happening while Slade and Odysseus battle. Cheshire gets shot in the ass. Jericho gets kidnapped by a Mexican. And Harley Quinn collects a pile of guns from who the fuck knows where so that she can sit on them.

Odysseus doesn't recognize Slade because Slade is now young and Odysseus apparently never looked at his son when he was this age. What father doesn't recognize their own son?! That fucking bastard deserves to die! And that's what he does as Slade impales him on a piece of broken "sky craft." But then Bronze Tiger, who everybody has been ignoring because there were too many characters to deal with during the battle, stabs Slade through the heart with his tiger claws.

Deathstroke Lifetime Kill Count: 938.

Victor the Inquisitor shows up unexpectedly to make a racist statement and then Jericho shouts, "Enough!" Slade blacks out and wakes up naked in a room with Fury, the woman with the second worst mask in comic book history (just after New 52 Raven's) where he gets to Narration Box a bunch of stupid, useless Narration Boxes about agreeing to another mission and things being personal even though his father told him not to let emotion interfere with business. And then the book is over until June where it will continue to be a shitty piece of shit for as long as Tony S. Daniel writes it.

Deathstroke #6 Rating: -2 Ranking. What a bullshit conclusion. You know what my favorite part about the new, young version of Deathstroke is? It's how he has to assure everybody that he's Slade Wilson and nobody believes him anyway. I'm so happy that that's a part of my Deathstroke comic books now! I think it's time for him to just leave the mask on so he doesn't have to keep answering questions regarding his identity. So tiresome! I should also clarify Deathstroke's Kill Count! I added one for killing Odysseus even though Odysseus will eventually be back in a new body. He did take a piece of Joseph's power after all, right? Plus, where the hell was Batman?! Fucking lazy dick.