Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Poison Ivy! (as seen in Batman and shit)

Real Name [What the fuck? All the other entries say, "Alter Ego"?]: Pamela Lillian Isley
Occupation: Professional Criminal
Marital Status: Single
Known Relatives: Wealthy Parents (first names unknown) [All that fucking matters is that she was a rich brat, okay!]
Group Affilation: The 100, Injustice Gang of the World, Secret Society of Super-Villains
Base of Operations: Gotham City
First Appearance: BATMAN #181
Height: 5'2" [No way. No fucking way in hell has she ever been this short. Has she?] Weight: 100 lbs. [I think she's lying about her height so she can lie about her weight.]
Eyes: Green Hair: Chestnut [You know. Brown.]

Born in Seattle, Washington, of a wealthy family, Pamela Lillian Isley (her full correct name, despite some confusion in print) was early attracted to botany, which became her major in college.

Her professor, a Frenchman named Marc LeGrand [Uh oh. Frenchman? I know where this is going!], romanced her [Although I didn't know it would happen so soon!], convincing her of his intention to marry her [The cad!]--as soon as he had enough money [As a college professor? Shit, he probably uses this line every fucking semester.]. He told her he might be able to make a fortune with a discovery based on an urn containing ancient Egyptian herbs. But only burglary could get it from a museum.

Pamela was brilliant enough to do just that [But not brilliant enough to fall for a French Botany Professor's tired pick-up lines?]. What she didn't know was that the herbs were a deadly, untraceable poison, and he slipped a bit into her drink when they toasted the future [Ah! The old "I'll marry you when I get enough money but first you have to steal the poison which I'll kill you with" one-night stand routine. What man hasn't used it before?].

He thought he was rid of the one person who knew of his part in the theft. He was wrong. Somehow, Pamela's system resisted the poison, and assimilated it, making her immune to all poisons.

She then took the identity of Poison Ivy, from her interest in plants, her immunity to poison, and her initials [Also because she was super fucking annoying to have any contact with.]. She committed a series of crimes so brilliant she was never even suspected [Who hasn't?].

Ivy arranged to end the careers of three female criminals who took credit for her deeds, with a trick that delivered them to the law. But she also found herself face-to-face with The Batman (see Batman II), and her attempts to vamp him failed. She landed in jail.

Ivy prided herself on her sex appeal [Who doesn't?]. When a man resisted her or double-crossed her, she could never forgive him. Hence Batman is now her mortal enemy [To be fair, why would Batman fuck someone named Poison Ivy?]

Ivy allied herself briefly with The 100, accepting a contract to kill The Thorn (see Rose and the Thorn II), but failed. She also twice became a part of the Injustice Gang of the World (see IGW), first when it was formed by Libra, then when it was resurrected by Abra Kadabra (see Abra Kadabra). And she had a short stint with the Secret Society of Super-Villains (see SSSV).

But though she has battled other heroes, her main foe continues to be The Batman. She has also gone after Bruce Wayne for spurning her--unaware that he is The Batman. Once she almost pulled off a cheme to gain control of the vast assets of the Wayne Foundation [But, honestly, she just wasn't that brilliant after all.].

Poison Ivy has only one power--that which protects her from poison, and so allows her to minister poison to others without risk. She is, however, a superb athlete, despite her diminutive size [What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Some of the best athletes are gymnasts and they're tiny! Heightist!], and has carried out seemingly impossible burglaries by using her ability to scale sheer walls like climbing ivy plant [She's also very good at sitting in holes in the ground like shrubs and bending in the breeze willows.].

Her brilliant mind, however, is her greatest asset [Well, actually, it's her sex appeal. The brilliant mind really just turns guys off. Amirite?!], and has enabled her to create nightmares of horticulture. She treated Ivor, her chauffeur, with a chemical compound and felt no remorse when he died fighting Batman [But not Batman's fault!]. She also grew human-like plants called Green Ghosts, and possesses weapons, such as guns that shoot poisonous thorns [Poisonous bullets would probably work better.]

And there is Poison Ivy's raw sexuality [Va-va-va-voooom!]. Few men can resist her--and to succeed is to make a terrible enemy. She has greed and vanity in large amounts, but--at least since her betrayal by LeGrand--she has shown not a trace of love or compassion. She is absolutely ruthless in pursuit of her aims--wealth and power.

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