Thursday, September 12, 2013

Desaad #1

I apologize for all of the headaches I'm causing by scanning in these lenticular covers.

I first learned about Desaad from the Super Powers line of Action Figures from the eighties. I didn't know he was a Master Torturer. I just thought he was Darkseid's Alfred Pennyworth. I read his Who's Who entry to find out more about him and promptly forgot about it because the static, robed Dessad Super Power figure didn't scream "Master Torturer" in any way. It screamed more, "Nan in the kitchen making cookies." He was always the worst figure anyway because one of my favorite things to do with them was play Hot Lava all around my grandparents' yard. I would throw them from bush to bush to shed to pots to fence railings, anywhere they could possibly get hung up and keep from falling onto the ground. The best Super Powers Figure for this game was Steppenwolf because he had the electro-axe that was attached to his body by a string. So that got hung up in some really weird places and made for some exciting moments! Man, I think I'm going to dig out my figures and go play some Hot Lava with them later this week!

Last time we saw Desaad, he was letting Power Girl and The Huntress go because they weren't tasty enough treats for him. At least not yet. They need to spend a bit more time ripening before he bothers draining them of their power. Or he just got his ass kicked and he was trying to talk tough.

Desaad: "Oh yeah?! Well this was all part of the plan! I had to be beaten up by you so that you would become overconfident and arrogant so that next time, I can defeat you more easily! Even though I could have defeated you this time as well but that wasn't part of the plan for some reason! So don't you think you beat me! You didn't! I planned this broken nose and bruised liver!"

When this comic begins, Desaad is arriving on Earth Prime after some kind of Boom Tube accident on Earth 2. That was five years ago by Earth Prime standards. I don't know what that is in Apokoliptian years. But however long it's been, I'm sure Darkseid is terribly worried.

Is this Booster Gold after being lost in time for four or five years?

I bet this is Booster Gold! And I bet Booster Gold has made an appearance in every Villains Month comic book so far and I've been missing him! But I'll find him in all of the others! I'm excited! It's like I'm six again and just discovering Highlights for Children at the Dentist's office!

Desaad needs help to recover from his injuries sustained in his unexpected Boom Tube vacation, so he heads to a hospital in Honolulu. The staff help him to recover by going on shooting sprees and slicing themselves up apart. Apokoliptian health care is a fucked up system.

Once again, some jerk using the term insects as an insult. The fucking insects seriously need to set up some kind of Public Relations Campaign. At the very least, they should start up an Awareness Program in the schools.

Four years later and Desaad has a partially build fortress deep in the Congo. He's manipulating the world to create as much pain and torture as possible to feed his power. He's been trying to infiltrate Holt Industries because the only thing he still needs is extra-dimensional Boom Tube technology so he can return to Darkseid's bed. I think that's what the pink robe is all about. It's his wedding gown from their Apokolips Marriage Ceremony and he wears it everyday in remembrance of his lost love.

His nickname for Darkseid's penis.

With Power Girl stealing from Mister Terrific and Mister Terrific disappearing over to Earth 2, Desaad has a bit of a problem finding the technology he needs. So he basically throws a temper tantrum for a year before deciding to go undercover as Michael Holt himself. But before he does that over in Worlds' Finest Issue #WTF, he first tortures weak and easily tempted people. But he still wonders why some people are hard to corrupt. And one of those people is a comic book artist that he observes at least twice in the first fourteen pages. He doesn't look anything like Kyle Rayner, the only comic book artist I know of in the DC Universe. Maybe it's meant to be Jack Kirby drawing Desaad as Desaad is watching him draw Desaad watching him draw Desaad!

I suspect Ryouta eventually transforms into Hakkou.

Desaad approaches the comic book artist who is definitely drawing Darkseid on one panel. But he decides against corrupting him just yet due to that not quite ripe reason he's used before. He's a fucking connoisseur, that Desaad. So instead he just goes home to grovel in front of his Darkseid Real Doll. Also, he probably goes and impersonates Michael Holt and shit.

Desaad #1 Rating: This was another average Villains Month issue that I'll rank at #25. The comic book artist stuff was a nice bit to add so that this issue continues to have some ramifications in the regular issues of Worlds' Finest or Earth 2. But overall, it didn't really add anything to Desaad's time on Earth Prime that couldn't have already been speculated from previous stories in Worlds' Finest. I guess it took what's been hinted at and cast it in concrete.

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