Arcane #1

This is my favorite Lenticular cover so far. Especially because you can see down his throat and his tongue waggles.

Since Marguerite Bennett got to take control of Lobo for this Villains Month, I thought I'd ask her a question on Twitter. It went like this:

Grunion Guy: "Since you wrote Lobo #1, do you know if DC has any plans for Sheba, the last female Czarnian created by Liefeld?"
Marguerite Bennett: "I'm afraid I don't know!"
Grunion Guy: "Thanks! I can read between the lines. Time to go to press with 'Bennet says DC Banking on Success of Sheba in 2014!'"

You heard it here first, folks! Look for a Sheba ongoing series in the Seventh Wave along with a Sheba mini-series, Sheba action figure, Sheba bedsheets, and a Sheba movie in 2016! I can't fucking wait. I hope they can get Liefeld back to write the script for the Sheba movie.

Do you think any of the editors at DC even remember Sheba? God I fucking hope so.

That had nothing to do with Arcane but I'm sure I can bring back around at some point!

The issue begins with Anton Arcane in hell. Which is a perfect place to start because that's where he was left at the end of the 1985 Who's Who Entry! And I also can't quite remember what happened to him in the Swamp Thing run. Didn't the Parliament of Rot Decay decide he was shit as their avatar and dumped his ass? Oh remembering things! Apparently I'm wasting all of my read only memory on Sheba and Scott Lobdell's forgotten plot threads.

I've experienced my own particular Hell as well!

My hell was the parking lot of a strip club in San Jose, California. I was wearing my Neil Gaiman's Death t-shirt (the one that was half black and half white) while staring at reflected in the window of a truck while it was also reflected in the side mirror. A truck full of hooting rednecks kept circling the parking lot, over and over and over and, well, over. I realized I was not who I thought I was. The trip I was going to take to China was imagined. My road trip in a Volkswagen Bus across the United States: never going to happen. My life was this parking lot and this reflected image and this truck of drunk assholes, replaying on an infinite loop. Also, Jupiter was following me. I wouldn't say it was a bad Hell. But it was the infinite loops and regressions that seemed a bit overwhelming. And having a planet watching your every movement is a bit disconcerting. It was during this trip to Hell that I invented comic books though. I thought, "Words and pictures? Damn. That could be used to tell great stories."

I should probably postpreface this story by saying I was on mushrooms.

Arcane is driven to kill himself over and over again since nothing in his Hell rots and it's making him a bit mad. Both crazy and pissed. Not drunk pissed but mad pissed! Not crazy pissed but angry pissed! I should probably choose to keep to American English or British English and stop frolicking in both of their playgrounds. But since I don't really know enough British English (I only recently learned they call underwear "pants." And I love it. Do I love it because it's new? Or do I love it because I'm fetishizing their culture and treating them like little monkeys that do the cutest and most adorable things? Probably that one), I guess I'd have to stick to stupid American English if I did. Which I won't do! So instead I'll use idioms and expressions I only really half understand so that I can sound cute and adorable like a British monkey-person. Except to those self-same British Monkey-persons who will just think I sound like an idiot. But what do they know! We kicked their asses (with the help of the French and German and a great big wide ocean) over two hundred years ago and that settled the matter once and for all! Am I right? Sure, they tried to get us back by sending those Beatles over here and showing us what real power is. Actually, I think that wasn't their idea either! The Beatles just didn't want to pay taxes so they came to America where rich people get to do whatever they want! You think you can force a rich American to do something? Well fuck you! He'll just dress up in a racist outfit and dump your tea in the fucking ocean, motherfucker! Take that!

Sometimes when I'm typing away, I just feel like an out-of-control child that just drank a can of Mountain Dew. "I'm going to touch everything in the house ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Here's a picture of Arcane in Hell to help me get back on track.

Abigail appears and I realize she's the Narrator which caused me to go back to the start and begin again with that knowledge in mind. Which made me get to this panel which I must have glossed over the first time.

It gave me goosebumps this second time. Big, evil, monster Anton Arcane whispering, desperately, "Please." Charles Soule, I look forward to every book you write.

Abigail is visiting Anton Arcane to learn about her mother. It's always these connections to family that get people into trouble. It's a strange thing, this need to know a person that you've never met. Since you've never met them, you shouldn't have any attachments to them, any need to know about them. Is it the influence of society that creates this longing for a false bond? I'm sure many people believe there is some innate need or love that exists between mother and child. But in reality, a child separated from their mother at birth and presented with a society that has no notion of motherhood would never long for something it doesn't know existed. But if you tell this child about how it was born and that the mother/child bond is special, it will begin to long for this bond it never had. What is the word for nostalgia for something that you see others have? What is the longing for a past that you see others have experienced, and therefore a need to recreate what you feel was missing? If only society could stop telling people that they're incomplete by presenting a picture of "normalcy" that isn't fucking normal. There's a reason why the word "individual" exists. Because we are all one. Otherwise the word we would be using would be "Borg."

Except when I turn the page, I see Abigail actually has four memories of her mother. So forget that last rant. Copy and paste it somewhere where it would be more apt.

He wants a taste of the Rot, you perv.

Arcane begins his story about Abigail's mother by telling a story about himself and how he ate a decaying, maggot-filled rabbit that he found in the forest when he was twelve. Remember all that stuff I said about not telling people they aren't normal? Forget it! This kid ain't normal! Although what do I know? Maggot-filled putrefying rabbit might be a delicious entree that I'm missing out on because my stupid upbringing has told me that it's disgusting! I'm so angry right now! What if Maggot-filled Putrefied Rabbit tastes delicious? It might be my favorite dish but nobody has ever allowed me to eat it! I wonder if I can find a recipe online?

MAGGOT-FILLED PUTREFIED RABBIT

INGREDIENTS
1 Carrot
1 Shovel
1 Rabbit

DIRECTIONS:
1. Buy a rabbit at the pet store. Don't look at it too much because you will fall in love with it.
2. Find a secluded spot in the backyard that is safe from dogs and stray cats. Bring the rabbit, the carrot, and the shovel.
3. Put the carrot on the ground.
4. Put the rabbit by the carrot.
5. Hit the rabbit really hard with the shovel. You might have to hit it two or three times.
6. Leave for two weeks.
7. Enjoy!

Om nom nom nom!

Anton continues with his story about how he became the Avatar, he fought female Swamp Thing, he murdered people, and then decided maybe he could make things Rotten without killing him! And that's where Abigail's mother Ilse comes into the picture. Finally.

Not finally like I was bored with the comic book! But finally in that Abigail wanted to hear about her mother and it took Anton a really long, roundabout way to get there. But that's how evil villains tell stories! They just love to hear themselves talk.

Anton decided to perform experimentations on Ilse (read this if you have a problem with "experimentations!") to see if he could pass The Rot on to her without killing her. His first touch was successful, so he kept at it. This was when Ilse sent Abigail away to her sister in France.

Oh are you kidding me? So this part of the story still wasn't about her mother? This must be the part where the Villain is just killing time to come up with an escape plan! Well, at least we have the origin story for The Patchwork Woman whenever she appears.

The story of Abigail's mother consists of one panel about how babies touch things and how Abigail filled her mother with The Rot. This same panel was shown previously but I don't remember the exact context. I think Abigail learned it in The Rotworld timeline, so she had no recollection of it. But now she knows! Now she remembers! Although it could be a lie. That's the problem with asking evil demon people for truthful answers. Why would you fucking trust anything they say?

Abigail gets angry and flounces out of Anton's Hell. But Anton pulls out one of his eyes and tosses it through Abigail's portal as she leaves. Anton's eye escapes into the real world and now will...um, look at stuff? Blink? I don't think it will take over. It's just an eye! I suppose it will take awhile but will eventually regenerate into a full-sized version of Anton Arcane. But does that mean he'll be the same consciousness but in two bodies? Or will he now be two separate Antons?

Arcane #1 Rating: Another good one-shot character study that helps flesh out a high profile nemesis of a New 52 superhero. It also gave some background to Abigail and an origin for The Patchwork Woman which was nice. Almost like having three Villains Month stories in one! And Charles Soule just keeps proving he can write a good comic book script. I just hope DC doesn't drive him away!