Clayface #1

Do you think Clayface just jams a bunch of shard of glass into his mouth when he goes out because he's embarrassed about his missing teeth?

While wandering through the sewers of Gotham, rubbing elbows and ankles with shit and foul refuse, Clayface is reminded of the days he used to work in Hollywood. He didn't have a very good attitude. He still doesn't have a very good attitude.

Is that the gist of this comic? I think that's probably all I need to write about Clayface!

I will mention there's a nice big double page spread of Clayface killing all the other criminals with which he's working. Not that it's especially well done or anything. I just mention it because this issue is by John Layman who has been writing Detective Comics where Tony S. Daniel created the tradition of shoving in as many double page spreads as he possibly could. Strange though that this issue is Batman: The Dark Knight 23.3. Oh well. The numbering system this month really doesn't make any fucking sense which is why this is the first time I think I mentioned it. It's obvious they're just tacking all the villains on to comic book titles that sell pretty decently. Otherwise we'd have an All Star Western 23.1 comic featuring Jonah Hex. He'd look like a real villain because it would be told from the perspective of a schoolmarm.

Clayface emerges from the sewers after killing his partners to discover the streets of Gotham City run amok with clowns and bikers.

Holy fuck. Dan DiDio must have shit his pants and fallen weeping in the corner when he saw this page.

When Clayface is told that the Justice League are dead and everybody was free to do whatever the hell they wanted, he opts to go get drunk. Can he get drunk? Maybe he's just going to enjoy the taste of booze. Can he taste?

Earth Prime must be the shittiest Earth of all the Earths. All it takes is for the Justice League to be declared dead and everybody turns into wild animals? Okay, I guess the weird eclipse might be helping. I think that turns people into madmen. Plus this is Gotham City! For all I know, Portland is filled with people making sure they get all of their recycling done just in case the recycling truck will still be round on time.

I mention Portland because I live in Portland and not because I'm jumping on some "let's make fun of Portland because they do it on that television show" bandwagon! I've been making fun of Portland for years! Heck, my step-uncle was Mayor! And he he played the mayor's assistant in that comedy show about Portland! You know the one! The one with "Portland" in the name!

While in the bar, Clayface hears a few rumors because he purchased a beer. But he'd better not purchase too many beers just to hear all the rumors or his stats will suffer from the effects of alcohol.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god! It's White Rabbit! And Raccoon Butt Woman! I bet that chimp drinking beer would be my favorite character if he were ever spotlighted.

While moping about not being recruited, Clayface sees a video on the television about a gang of resistance fighters fighting back against the Crime Syndicate and all the madmen that believe eclipses are a signal that civilization was a bad idea. But some shark man skull faced track suit wearing motherfucker throws a bottle at the television and Clayface isn't able to see the entire message. But this guy has seen it before and knows where this resistance is. Clayface thanks him kindly for the information and heads out to make a name for himself! You know, so he can earn a stupid coin.

I want a coin. Why didn't DC make coins for this month? What the fuck is wrong with their marketing department? Even Jason Scott's Get Lamp came with a coin! I've got Coin #359!

Eventually he infiltrates the resistance's base.

Clayface destroys the resistance and brags to the Secret Society. After which they call him an idiot and tell him they created the resistance as a trap to expose rebellious goody-goody types. I could have told him that but I kept reading instead of putting down my thoughts, so he wasn't warned. Wasn't he paying attention to the trajectory of his life up until now? Clayface thinks up a plan. Someone calls the plan dumb. Clayface beats/kills/smashes things. So here he is coming up with a plan again! And there he goes getting called stupid again.

What an idiot.

Clayface #1 Rating: This was a good one shot issue about a fairly bland character. I like the repeated motifs. Especially the one where someone was calling Clayface an idiot! Ha ha! What a stupid jerk! But that's the best part of this. Clayface is a dumb guy. And dumb guys just don't know they're dumb. Nobody knows they're stupid because that's pretty much the one insult that nobody can stand! Here's a helpful hint to know if you're less than average on the intelligence scale (and, believe me, being less than average isn't really that bad since it's not really very far from average): if you've ever said, "Yeah, she's smart but she doesn't have any common sense," then you're of average intelligence or below. You know people are smarter than you but you have to believe that they have some other flaw that makes them "stupid," so you paint all intelligent people as lacking "common sense" or "street smarts." And you don't have to know a lot of shit or get good grades to be smart. Wit is a pretty good indicator because it shows an ability to connect and process many disparate parts of a person's experiences and memories. Reading this blog is a good indicator of smarts as well! I think. It was either that or the other one.

Anyway, I thought Clayface was vulnerable in this and I liked seeing that in a great big tough guy. I also like that it told a nice, tight one shot story. That's not easy to do with these twenty page comic book limits nowadays!