Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Superboy #8

Grunge bested both Heavy Metal and Hard Rock who only mastered very specific matter.

The last issue of Superboy was actually Teen Titans #7. Superboy was rescued by the Teen Titans. But then at the end of that issue, they were stopped just short of leaving via Danny by some villain named Harvest. This issue picks up from there.

No, no, just kidding! This issue begins with Superboy sparring against Grunge. This guy is another person immune to telekinesis. Yeah, yeah, I know! Stop rolling your eyes along with me! It's a good thing I don't have thousands of readers or we might change the orbit of the Earth with our simultaneous eye rolling!

Speaking of having more readers, I was approached by a reporter from the Oregonian while getting the last 13 #8s of the New 52 (all of you comic book nerds now know the exact date) while at the register. I had heard her talking with another customer while I was browsing so I declined almost immediately. And then as I was walking home, I realized I could have advertised my site during the interview! But my intense hatred and mistrust for journalists kept me from realizing this opportunity!

Grunge's job is to prep Superboy for the Culling so that he can become a Ravager. Superboy's big plan is to keep Grunge talking so that he can think up a plan. After that, Grunge says four sentences and Superboy has his plan!

Kick him in the neck!

As far as plans go, it seems to do the trick by breaking Grunge's neck and killing him. I get the feeling that he's not exactly dead though.

And he's not. He kicks Superboy in the face because kicking is the big power move in the Superboy comics. Turns out he's a metamorph. Which explains how breaking his neck doesn't kill him. Somehow. Probably has something to do with morphing his bones back and central nervous system back into place so that he isn't paralyzed for life or dead.

Grunge gets the upper foot by making the floor immobilize Superboy. Next Grunge breaks both of Superboy's arms. Then Grunge yells like he was in the marines. Then he gloats that he's the baddest Ravager of them all! Is Superboy about to be Culled?!

Meanwhile back in New York City, Caitlyn has invaded STAR Labs, kicked everyone's ass, and escaped in a shuttle pod. I believe the pod is headed to Antarctica. Unless it's going to the Arctic! Hopefully she received better Intel than Red Robin. Jocelyn Lure, the future detective, helped her out in order to save many lives--and worlds!

Meanwhile meanwhile, back at NOWHERE, Rose Wilson gets blasted by some jerk named Leash which makes her meaner than she really is. Or makes her as mean as she is supposed to be. Something like that. Then Solstice blasts Rose to make her nicer than she should have been before she stopped being mean but then became mean again. Somewhere in all of this, they become friends.
Then Superboy wins the fight.

So how does breaking his neck not kill him but ripping out these implants does?

Superboy senses the implants inside Grunge which enable him to morph into anything or any material he wants. Before these implants, he had to be touching an item to transform. Why doesn't he transform into metal when the implants get ripped out? He wouldn't die then, would he? Or does only the outside of him transform and his organs need to remain all cushy and viable? I should just stop asking how these improbable and impossible powers would work in the real world! I'm not a scientist or a theoretical superheropowerist! I'm just a guy who likes eating ice cream!

Superboy collapses from the pain and exertion after the fight. Harvest studies him and realizes he has a really powerful healing factor due to his Kryptonian metabolism. I bet he can eat all the ice cream he wants without worrying about getting fat. Lucky!

Elsewhere, Ravager appears carrying Solstice to Harvest. Oh wait, that's not elsewhere! That takes place in the same room where Harvest was talking to himself. So maybe Rose and Solstice didn't become friends at all. Or maybe it's just a big double cross! Harvest sends Solstice to be with her friends before Teen Titans #8 begins. As for Superboy, he wakes up in The Colony where The Culling is about to happen! The Culling is basically going to be a Battle Royale (or Hunger Games, if you must). But it's going to find the best young super heroes to become Ravagers. Possibly.

Do all of Coello and/or Silva's women look exactly alike?

Superboy Issue #8 Rating: No change in the ranking. Does Superboy think I would give him bonus points for introducing Beast Boy and Terra into the comic at the end? Well that's not going to happen! I could live without ever reading another issue of a comic book where the cover introduces a new villain that is supposed to really put the title hero to the test. But through amazing adversity, the hero wins through at the end. Because these DC heroes are so awful that every first time villain who comes along can give them the best fight of their lives. Horrible. Simply boring and awful. The majority of the comic was mediocre at best.

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