Legion Lost #5

Why must she fight alone? Did Telefish bugger out?

This issue is narrated by the telepathic fish guy. I think his name is Tellus. He and Dawnstar were left facing three giant Alastors at the end of last issue. Now, Tellus sees only one chance left to defeat Alastor. Dawnstar says she can see 73 ways to deal with Alastor. But most of hers involve running away at different speeds. Tellus suggests he go deep into Alastor's mind and convince Alastor to knock it the fuck off. Right now! But he needs Dawnstar to distract him while he does his mind mumbo jumbo.

Just like the cover, her costumes cleavage straps are missing.

See? That's what she should look like.

Pete Woods did the cover and the interior art and I guess he can't decide whether Dawnstar should have boob straps or not.

Most of the comic, Tellus is supposed to be telepathically working at convincing Alastor to stop his rampage. But mostly Tellus just narrates Dawnstar's actions as she distracts Alastor's three halves. Um, thirds!

When Tellus finally does do more than narrate the physical fight, we get yet another recollection of the story leading up to this story. Alastor worked on some mining colony to make enough money to enable his sister to go to college on Earth. But Xenophobic riots ended up killing her (supposedly) and Alastor went off the deep end. On his way to Earth, he met up with a Psion Geneticist who invented the Hypertaxis Pathogen which he tried to release on Earth in the 31st Century. The Legion of Super-heroes stopped him. So he went back in time and this comic book started.

I hope by issue six, they're done retelling parts of that tale! I think we've got it pretty near figured out now.

Tellus ends up stopping Alastor by pointing out that by releasing the pathogen on Earthlings, the future Earthlings are going to all be mixed alien races. Thus they won't be xenophobic ever because the Hypertaxis Pathogen will "eliminate the barriers of skin color, religion or geography." Um, okay. But it won't eliminate the barriers between everybody having different alien DNA! So they'll still have shit to fight over, you big dumb fish.

But who cares? Because Tellus didn't need to convince me! He just needed to convince Alastor. And Alastor is dumb so he ends his rampage and passes out. Now they just need to figure out what to do with him. Perhaps they'll learn some answers.

Oh yeah. Gates is still alive. Surprise?

Hopefully Martian Manhunter and Stormwatch will kill this comic dead.

I don't know how to judge this comic book. Is it really boring? Are there people out there who love the Legion of Super-heroes so much that this stuff is entertaining? It might even be a decent story. But I think The Legion of Super-heroes interests me the least of any super hero comic idea ever.

Reading this comic is like dating a Mormon. See? That statement is ambiguous enough! If you like dating Mormons, this comic book is for you! If you don't, don't bother! I'm not saying I'm better because Mormons, I mean, this comic doesn't interest me. I'm just saying I don't know how to put it into context and decide whether it's a decent comic book or not. And even more confusing, I'm going to go read Legion of Super-heroes #5 right now and not be entertained during that either.