Monday, April 30, 2012

Green Lantern #6

Hal Jordan is Sinestro's bitch.

The most important thing to remember from the end of last issue is Hal declared the only thing he really wants is a working Green Lantern Ring. And maybe that The Guardians are about to start a third iteration of the Green Lantern Corps. And maybe that Hal is trying to really make it work with Carol Ferris although he definitely has ulterior motives there that will probably lead to him getting a new Green Lantern Battery. This issue begins with Hal and Carol on a date and flirting and joking about how much sex they've been having.

This is Mike Choi's version of Hal Jordan. Wrong.

Hal and Carol are on a date visiting an aeronautical museum. I linked to the only one I've ever driven past since I don't know what fictional museums exist in the fictional town of Coast City. The Evergreen Museum houses the Spruce Goose. But you can see it through the huge glass windows from the highway as you drive past, so I've never paid to go inside and marvel at how big it is. I don't think. Maybe I have!

While Carol goes to the washroom to do some something ladylike, Hal walks around and stumbles upon four men about to kill some guy who testified against them. Hal doesn't have his powerless Green Lantern Ring but he still plays the hero and beats the crap out of all four of them at once. They must have learned how to fight from Justice League International! Ha ha! JLI sucks!

After Hal and Carol leave with Hal declaring he doesn't need to be a super hero, the story turns to Sinestro and the old DCU. Excuse me a moment. I need to fucking rant.

Fuck you, Geoff Johns! How much fucking pull do you have over there at DC? Have you made Green Lantern so great that you're allowed to just continue writing the same series you were writing before the reboot? Why even renumber these fucking Green Lantern books? I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON! Oh, sure, you try to explain it with every bit of conversation between Sinestro and Starstorm. It's the worst conversation I've ever heard.

Sinestro: STARSTORM! My once great enemy and nemesis who has the power to destroy my creations and whose world has limited contact with the rest of the universe so you have no idea why I'm currently a Green Lantern! Well that story is too long to explain even if the new readers reading this comic don't know it either. Fuck them! Just know that I am a Green Lantern now and you are my once mortal nemesis whom I defeated! Ha ha ha!
Starstorm: What do you want from me? When you last encountered me I begged you to let me live on intergalactic television and everyone called me a coward and now I'm nothing and it's all because of you!
Sinestro: Ha ha! But remember how you used to be able to track me when you were wearing your Starstorm helmet? I need you to wear your Starstorm helmet now so that you can track Lyssa Drak. She is someone I gave a Yellow Lantern Ring to, if you remember correctly, and I never should have given her the ring for some reason which I should probably explain later. But for now, we must find her so I can take the ring back!
Starstorm: What the fuck is a Star Storm anyway? Why did I take that name?
Sinestro: And why did I choose the name Sinestro when I'm an alien who probably doesn't have the word sinister in his language.
Lyssa Drak: Oh ho but you two are so similar in other ways as well! You both lost the faith of the people of the planet you protected! And I will eat your stories!
Sinestro: Oh no it is Lyssa Drak the one I mentioned earlier! Not only did she get a Yellow Lantern Ring that she did not deserve but she also claimed the Book of the Black by betraying me to Krona, the Green Lantern who believed the universe should be guided by emotions! What a doody head!

And then Sinestro rips a page out of the Book of the Black, whatever the fuck that is, Geoff Johns. And we get this past and future events page:

Is the Chamber of Shadows something new? Or something old? The Guardians mentioned, last issue, that the First Green Lantern' was kept there. And is that Sinestro as a member of the Indigo tribe? What were the Indigo known for? Hope? I'm so bad at this Green Lantern Lore!

In Sinestro's vision, the ring says, "Green Lantern 2814 deceased." Sector 2814 is the sector Earth is in. But the Green Lanterns in other books have been identified by Sector and then another number (usually 1 or 2 since there are supposed to be only 2 Green Lanterns per sector, although Earth currently has 4. At least). So which Green Lantern does it mean? I'm guessing Hal Jordan since this is basically his book. Although the vision show Sinestro dead. Unless that's Abin Sur! Why do those two have to look so much alike!

Back to the rant for one second: the major problem with this comic is I don't know what's new and what I'm not supposed to know yet or what is continuing from the the old DCU. And since the editors want to keep up the illusion of a complete reboot, there are no editorial notes referring the reader to the different comic books where the events they're talking about took place. It's apparent Johns was able to just continue Green Lantern as it was. So why renumber it? Just to fit it in with the whole reboot thing? I'm sure fans of Green Lantern are completely fine with what's going on. I, however, was away from comics during the whole Blackest Night and Brightest Day crap, so it's a little bit harder to follow this stuff. Anyway, I'll keep trying!

Sinestro defeats Lyssa by smashing Starstorm's helmet. Sinestro takes the book and heads off to find Hal Jordan for some reason. Maybe that's what he learned from his vision: Sinestro needs Hal Jordan's help to stop the Guardians and their new Third Corps idea.

And then Hal Jordan's ring comes to life and sticks to his finger just as Hal's about to stick it to Carol Ferris!

Oh, stop pretending you don't want to go, Hal. It's the only thing you wanted, remember?!

Green Lantern Issue #6 Rating: No change. For the most part, I think I like where this story is going aside from the problems this title has incorporating its story into the reboot. That problem probably isn't really a problem for older and continuing Green Lantern fans though. So that's actually fine with me. I just don't appreciate the need to maintain some sort of illusion to go along with the rest of the books that the renumbering means anything here. Because it obviously doesn't. And one other thing: Is the universe ever going to be protected in this title? Or is every story going to be about the self-serving needs of Sinestro and Hal Jordan? Even the Guardians beginning another Corps is going to end up with the Green Lanterns fighting for their survival simply because they want to keep being Green Lanterns. What if the Guardians are correct about the universe needing a new army? Maybe they actually know better and the Green Lanterns should lay down their rings and move on? But no! They're going to fight the Guardians tooth and nail because that's what happens when you make an army out of the most stubborn people in the universe!

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