Friday, April 27, 2012

Batwoman #8

Did Gotham City ever go with a 'Got Ham?' tourism campaign?

This issue continues the big fight that was about to start at the end of last issue. And it apparently started before the reader arrived!

Get it? She's a lesbian! So she needs her mouth just as much as she needs her vagina!

When I was in elementary school, I was naive and innocent for a long time. If I'd read the panel above, I would have thought she meant if her mouth was messed up, she wouldn't be able to say yes when a guy asked her out and then her love life would suffer. Someone told me this joke: Why can't the Go Gos get pregnant? Because their lips are sealed! And I laughed appropriately because it was a joke and laughing is what you do! But I didn't get it. I thought maybe they couldn't say yes to their beaus' proposals if their mouths were shut up with glue or something.

I also learned a lot of stuff that was considered dirty or inappropriate because of adults telling me not to say something that I didn't know previously was dirty. Then I would backwards engineer what it could possibly mean. And thus my innocence was eroded little by little because adults were punishing me for things I said. So when I said my paper airplane "sucked the big one" in 2nd grade and my teacher yelled at me for saying filthy things, I figured out what that meant. Before it was just something you say when displeased with something. My mother also told me, "That's disgusting. Don't say that," when I was singing the part in Greased Lightning where "the chicks will cream." I didn't immediately understand why that was gross but you can bet I asked around until I found out!

Where was I? Oh yeah! Batwoman was fighting a bunch of Urban Legends. I think Killer Croc fits in because of the alligators in the sewers thing. I hope she defeats Falchion by exploding a can of Pillsbury Biscuit Dough on the back his head and, in his own belief that he's been shot, he'll die from Maro's magic!

Batwoman defeats all of the Urban Legends simply by commanding a Robotic AI Alien Technology DEO Dart that really does the job of a Super Hero, turning the user into its sidekick! Batwoman shocks Croc with her new Taser Bat Gloves. The Dart shrieks which cracks Bloody Mary (because she's just a mirror!) and Batwoman smashes her to the ground. And then the Dart emits flame to put down La Llorona.

I think Batwoman has to kill all the believers to defeat the Urban Legends! She needs the help of Jan Brunvand! Boy, I've never seen his picture before. He looks like a Super Villain himself!

Falchion threatens to kill one of the children unless Batwoman turns off her Alien Dart. She does this as, behind her, the man without the hook is busy putting the hook back on his wrist. Or the hook without a body is busy getting the body to put it back on its wrist. One of those.

In the flashbacks, we see Rush (the hook guy) getting the hook attached to his hand by Maro. The hook is actually called the Ashoth. And Rush is actually a child molester. Also, Cameron gets Kate to mine Maggie for information (hee hee). And then Batwoman kidnaps Sune and messes up Maggie's prisoner transfer. She also manages to stick Maggie with the sedative that's mixed with Scarecrow's Fear Gas during the extraction. This relationship might just be more trouble than the sex is worth.

And then back to the final fight where Batwoman finds her super bullet proof armor is no match for Falchion's falchion which was forged by the Mother. He claims it's tasted Amazonian blood and Batwoman's blood is next when he's peppered by arrows.

I think two archers in one Super Hero universe is enough. Pick a new weapon, Sune.

Batwoman Issue #8 Rating: No change in the ranking. Nothing great, nothing horrible. Just a continuation of the story. I don't think this chapter revealed enough. It existed in a place where parts were already implied previously and they didn't really need to spend pages on them (they did simply to show how Hook Guy's hook will be reattached so easily) and other parts were just executions of plans that were talked about before (mainly to show that Sune is now with the DEO with an offer of immunity). It was kind of like treading water until the big fight next issue.

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