Thursday, April 19, 2012

Mister Terrific #6

Is the Tomorrow Thief's secret identity Dan DiDio?

Issue #6 opens with Mister Terrific battling The Tomorrow Thief "somewhere really cold." Way to take a stand, Eric! It also looks like Mister Terrific has finally succumbed to Narration Box Thought Bubble Disease. Probably because he has to suddenly explain what's happening because the comic began in the middle of an action scene. I hope it just continues from here instead of reverting back to that "24 hours ago" crap in a few pages. I don't feel very confident about that not happening.

Hee hee. His T-balls are frozen.

And then it happened!

Although it did not take me by surprise.
Mister Terrific has fallen into all of the current DC Comic Book Trends! Okay, the "24 Hours Earlier" thing isn't exactly a current trend nor is it just a comic book one. But it is fairly annoying. Maybe upon hearing about the cancellation, Mister Wallace just didn't care anymore. "I guess I'll write my comic the way Green Arrow is being written. Somehow that one didn't get cancelled and causes people to shit their pants."

So, 24 hours earlier, Michael Holt is in a meeting with the top executives of Holt Industries. Some of these guys were talking about ousting him and taking over the whole company. Everyone's been bugging Michael to pick a successor to run the company in case anything happens to him (you know, like one of his earthquake machines going nuts or his girlfriend accidentally smashing him to bits when they fuck), so he's called a meeting to appoint his heir. And he picks the Stock Room Boy!

Jamaal Mason, the stock boy, is his assistant Aleeka's son. I think. He's the son of somebody that Power Girl is jealous of. Or just Karen if she isn't actually Power Girl on Earth One. He also has an IQ of 192. But I don't really know if he's qualified to run Holt Industries! I guess with a little training everything will be all right. Seriously! If Oliver Queen can run a gigantic technology company, I'm pretty sure anybody can. Except maybe Bizarro.

Michael ditches the meeting to head to Iceland to meet this woman:


No, no, no. This woman: 


No. No. No. This woman:

That's the one.

Michael is meeting with Lily because her company's Icelandic Bullet Train hits the tracks for the first time in just a few hours. Michael funded it so he decided he'd come out for a ride. He also used to fuck Lily so, um, you know, that thing about coming out for a ride sort of works here too.

While riding the super train, The Tomorrow Thief attacks looking for a piece of technology to steal. And I get to read all of his speech bubbles out loud in a thick French accent! Michael Holt stands up to The Tomorrow Thief and promptly learns that the Tomorrow Thief can make things immaterial. He learns this when the Tomorrow Thief throws Michael through the side of the train and into a deep chasm the train is passing over! Too bad he's not Mister Terrific! Then he could ride his T-balls to safety...oh, wait. Yeah. He'll be okay!

Was Die Hard a huge hit in France?

Michael Holt survives the fall but not because he had his T-Balls in his pocket and he used them to fly away. He survives because he's in excellent physical condition and he knows how to fall hundreds of feet into the snow so that he survives. I wonder where he took that course?

The Tomorrow Thief flies from the train with his high tech goodie in tow and Mister Terrific chases him. They fight a little bit while Mister Terrific uses 'literally' twice within the space of three narration boxes. Literally. Mister Terrific realizes that The Tomorrow Thief can manipulate molecular bonds and comes up with a plan!

Oh yeah! That sounds like a good plan except I'm pretty sure your T-balls were fried when Tomorrow Thief gave you the atomic shock, dude!

Mister Terrific can't put his plan into action because of what I said happened in the caption to the panel above. So now Mister Terrific is going to have to use his mind to win this fight and not his technology! It's a good thing he's the 3rd Smartest Man on the Planet! I thought maybe I should remind everyone since Mister Terrific hasn't mentioned it yet.

Since Mister Terrific believes he can't defeat a guy he can't touch, he destroys the technological doohickey so that at least The Tomorrow Thief doesn't win either. And that's about when the comic book started.

The Tomorrow Thief phases into a mountain and Mister Terrific finds a cave nearby to try and locate him. Within the cave is a boiling volcanic lake which gives Mr. Terrific an idea. When The Tomorrow Thief emerges from the walls to attack him, Mister Terrific throws him in the lake. And since the high temperatures of the lake make molecular bonds easier to break, The Tomorrow Thief can't control them and drowns. Well, he might not actually die. Mister Terrific walks out of the cave while The Tomorrow Thief is screaming in pain and struggling for his life. But he deserves whatever he gets, right? Stupid thief!

What is it with Mister Terrific and Static Shock, two cancelled comics, suddenly having to deal with burglars who steal technological items while phasing through things? I wonder if The Tomorrow Thief was stealing his item for a poor African country as well except Mister Terrific never finds out anything. The Tomorrow Thief was working for someone named Mr. Dalton. I don't know if I should remember that name or not. Perhaps the very first guy in the first issue that Mister Terrific stopped was stealing for a Mr. Dalton as well.

Afterward, Mister Terrific freezes himself in a lake and crawls back on shore before passing out to induce a state of hibernation so that he can survive the frigid cold until a rescue team can find him. In the hospital later, he finds out why Lily never wanted more than a fun fling with him.

Fuck her and her love of faith! Oh wait, he did!

Mister Terrific Issue #6 Rating: No change. A decent comic book comic but littered with too many comic writing conventions that irk me. I hope we find out who the other smartest men are in the next two issues! I'm still fairly certain one of them is Lex Luthor.

No comments:

Post a Comment