Blue Beetle #5

Dammit! How come he has two wings again? Dumb Cover Artists.

Previously on Blue Beetle: Blue Beetle had just accidentally broke his best friend Paco's heart by ramming a giant spike through it. It was only an accident where Jaime is considered though. The Magic Scarab, Khaji-Da, wanted to kill Paco because Paco learned Jaime's true identity. And the Magic Scarab has it's own scarab up its ass about people knowing the host's identity. Which seems kind of silly since the Host and Khaji-Da have a mission to kill everyone on the planet anyway. I guess if Jaime has some secret weakness, like empenadas or low rider BMXes, those weaknesses could be exploited by people who want to stop Jaime from destroying the world.

So Jaime is freaking out a little bit because Paco is dying. And the Magic Scarab refuses to help because it wanted Paco dead in the first place! But Jaime gets all angry and dominant and somehow bypasses the Magic Scarab's control of the suit to access it's medical capabilities. Jaime is gaining control over the brain damaged Magic Scarab.

A T.A.U.? I would have called it a Restorative Organic/Android Crisis Healer.

The paramedics arrive after the TAU enters Paco's chest wound. I hope the ROACH attaches itself to Paco and he becomes Blue Beetle's sidekick with super healing powers!

Let's discuss the ambulance arriving. Jaime surmises that somebody called 911 because they heard the fight. But then why just send an ambulance if you have a report of a battle? Where are the fire engines and police? My supposition is that the ambulance crew were eating Big Bites and Taquitos at a 7-11 nearby and rushed over to see if they could help. It makes more sense and I've seen plenty of EMTs chowing down on 7-11 garbage.

While the paramedics are loading Paco into the ambulance, the other victim of the battle pipes up.

Silverback needs a ROACH too!

Blue Beetle flies off with the incapacitated Silverback to question him and find out why everyone keeps attacking Paco. Blue Beetle dumps Silverback in an abandoned building site before heading back to the hospital to check on Paco. Silverback is immobile from the blast Blue Beetle gave him earlier. He pleads with Blue Beetle not to leave him since he's simply a mind downloaded into the gorilla combat chassis and if he doesn't upload back to his normal body soon, he'll be stuck in the Silverback suit forever. Blue Beetle doesn't give a shit. Blue Beetle doesn't care. Blue Beetle does whatever he wants and heads back to the hospital to leave Silverback alone with his origin.

At the hospital, Jaime runs into Brenda and her Evil Aunt. And the Evil Aunt wants a little something something from Jaime, if you know what I mean. Nudge nudge. Wink wink. KnowwhatImean? Hunh? Hunh?

Why Senora Robinson!

The Magic Scarab tries to warn Jaime that the Evil Aunt is lying but why would Jaime start listening to that parasitic killing machine now? It only causes trouble.

Meanwhile, in space, the Hivemaster's lackeys are recalled from Earth to join in a battle that will take place in Issue #10 of New Guardians! I guess it takes 5 months to travel from Earth to Odym, the homeworld of the Blue Lantern Corps.

Blue Beetle is saved by the editors!

Leaving Brenda at the hospital (I'm assuming), Evil Aunt Cardenas and Jaime head back to her office so Jaime can be shown a few things. One of the things she shows Jaime is her carpet.

It does not match the curtains.

After she gets Jaime nice and comfortable in the middle of her rug, Evil Aunt begins speaking Old Portuguese! She says, "Fruit Stripe Gum!" This, of course, is an ancient magickal incantation that tastes delicious. The Magic Scarab calls the magic a "nonrational energy source". So maybe I should be calling Khaji-Da the Nonrational Scarab. Except it's probably of that sufficiently advanced technology that is indistinguishable from magic stuff that Clark or Asimov goes on and on about. I know I have access to the web and can find out who actually said that quote! But you do too if you're so Goddamned curious!

Jaime is trapped in the magic circle and the Magic Scarab reacts like it usually does. By turning Jaime into Blue Beetle right in front of somebody. So Jaime can't unmask in front of someone but it's just fine to suit up in front of someone? I know, I know. That's because the Magic Scarab intends to kill the person that sees the transformation. But how well has that plan been working out so far, Mister Scarab? Yeah, you're just Jaime's bitch at this point.

One of the Evil Aunt's thugs barges in to see what all the commotion is about. Stupid thugs always ruining everything with their trying to be helpful ways.

Because of the FAPP sound effect, I thought about photoshopping the hand and wrist into a penis. You can thank me for choosing not to do that.

Blue Beetle uses the man as the weapon, throwing him into the Evil Aunt and disrupting her spell. Blue Beetle flies out the window and the spell goes horribly wrong. The entire house disappears.

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, it looks like my wish about Paco becoming Blue Beetle's sidekick is about to come true!

Close enough.

So, it's one of those situations! The "I can't lose my friend so I'll save them anyway I know how" deals that ends up saving the friend but losing him because of the way you chose to save him! That was my second guess after the sidekick thing!

I'm really liking Blue Beetle which surprises me after the initial portrayal of the character. I like how Jaime really has nothing to do with the Ted Kord version of the Blue Beetle. It's really Ted Kord that's the odd man out since he never dealt with the Magic Scarab anyway. Good job on this comic, Mr. Bedard! I'll raise Blue Beetle's ranking by one. Maybe two if the two comics above it I feel are worse. Which they probably are!