OMAC #7

This sounds like one of those "the series has been cancelled" story ideas.

This issue is called "Overnight, Mysterious Animals Converse". That sounds stupid. It would be a better story if Converse were changed to Copulate. And Animals was changed to Asians. And Mysterious was changed to Midget. And Overnight was changed to Origami. 'Origami Midget Asians Copulate"? No, no. That's more of a Doom Patrol story.

OMAC has been causing quite a bit of destruction lately. Especially that time Frankenstein came to town. And since he lives in Metropolis, you had to figure it was only a matter of time before the Alien Boy Scout put a stop to it.

Who is the hooded guy in the background? Some new character in Giffen's Superman?

Superman beats the crap out of OMAC while the hooded guys stand around and watch. I think they might be Checkmate Pawns. Just before OMAC can be destroyed by Superman, Brother Eye teleports him away from Metropolis and returns him to the form of Kevin so that he can recuperate. While Superman was fighting OMAC, DiDio and Giffen made sure that Superman acted shocked as to how strong OMAC was and that he might be more powerful than Superman.

Well of course he is! For now! It's OMAC's title! You can't have some chump like Superman or Lobo or The Hulk come on over for a visit and declare you're no match for them! Sure, Superman wins the battle. That's expected. But Superman still has to pay homage to the Title Character's abilities!

Brother Eye has transported Kevin to a Zoo in Toledo in the middle of the night under a full moon. And it's Friday the 13th to boot! Well, at least it is while I'm reading this. So that has to count for something. In the zoo, Kevin checks out the animals.

Is this one of those Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew deals?

Look at all the animals, Kevin! Look at them! The Warthog stutters like Porky Pig! And the Zebra is scared because he is a prey animal! And the Bear wants more food like Yogi! And the Tiger is GRRRRRREEEEEEEAT!

The New Zoo Crew want to escape the zoo. That's a new and interesting twist to talking animals in a zoo! Usually they love living there and hanging out doing nothing all day while they wait for the humans to gawk at them. But before the animals escape, they have to rescue the tiger's father, bigger tiger. He's the king. So I guess he's a lion? Kevin agrees to help them because Kevin's father sacrificed his life to save Kevin when Kevin was only seven.

Really? Kevin has a past worth talking about? Will he tell the story in this issue? Or next issue? Or, well, that would be his last chance actually.

Captain Kevin and the New Zoo Crew head underneath the carousel to confront Warden Gaym, the Zookeeper. Beneath the zoo, they find...wait for it...THE EVIL FACTORY! The animals call it this because it's where they were all experimented on. And even though the bear and the warthog and the zebra and the little tiger came out of it able to talk and think and act like humans, many of their friends died during the experiments. Probably the Giraffe died. And the elephant died. And the rhino died. And the penguins all died. And the sloth died. And the flamingos died. And the goats died. And the red pandas died. And the normal black and white pandas died. And the otters died. And the monkeys died. That's all the kinds of animals I know.

They stumble upon Warden Gaym but he's ready to face them with his greatest weapon: Tuffy the Tiger's Father!

If you can't fight then don't fight th.... Oh, I get it. You can't fight the command to kill. Carry on then.

The animals seem to be able to handle Mr. Tuffy, Tuffy's father. So Kevin turns into OMAC and chases down Warden Game who claims to be the half-brother of Mokarri over at Cadmus. He also turns out to be a monkey.

No. NO! Choose a different name.

Tuffy ends up having to kill his father, Mr. Tuffy, to save all of his friends. When he does this, he distracts OMAC who can't help watching the drama and Simyan gets away! Brother Eye doesn't really care about that. Brother Eye wanted all of the information in the Evil Factory's computer banks. But once OMAC gets there, Brother Eye realizes the place has nothing he needs and is simply an abomination. He tells OMAC to destroy it. Afterward, the New Zoo Crew parts ways with Kevin as friends.

Oh, I don't know. They could perhaps form a super group? Or something more evil?

Written and Drawn by Me! S.P.C.A. = Society of Paranormal and Cognitive Animals. Just like OMAC! And SHADE!

OMAC Issue #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. It was stupid fun. Sue me. Plus, it's time everyone realized that my rankings are complete and utter bullshit! I think they're all based on my level of mania at the time I'm reading a comic book! Except you can pretty much guarantee that comics at the bottom of the 52 are much worse than comics at the top. And those in the middle, well, who the fuck knows? Sometimes they're good and sometimes they suck! Hell, nobody's listening to what I think anyway.