Batgirl #6

Batgirl: The Ballet.

Batgirl was just about to get her ass handed to her by a brainwashed Bruce Wayne. Hopefully a brainwashed Bruce Wayne doesn't have access to all of his great fighting techniques and physical abilities. Since he's so obsessed with screaming, "338!", he'll probably just fight like a wild animal. And I think Batgirl can beat up wild animals.

Possible last words of Abraham Lincoln: "Mary, did you just hear a click?" Possible last words of JFK: "What do you think those men on the grassy knoll are shooting at?" Possible last words of someone on the Titanic: "OH FUCKING GOD I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

Guess what? It ends well! Batgirl kicks Batman in the face. And then Batgirl drops him on his head. And then Batgirl tells him they're near Crime Alley where his parents were killed and that they're watching him. So he drops the crowbar and stammers, "What have I done?" Then the hugging begins.

That's more believable than what he really said! He actually says, "You were always meant to be Batgirl, Barbara."

Bruce Wayne gives Batgirl some warm fuzzies after the fight because of the way she handled everything. And Batgirl feels uplifted and amazing and full of pride. Really? Does Batgirl's confidence really only come from Nightwing,a boy she likes, telling her he loves and cares about her and from Batman, her daddy figure, basically telling her he's proud of her?

That's my insta-feminist reaction because you know people are going to read that into the comic. But I think she's just not sure she's doing the right thing for the right reasons. She was almost killed and she's unsure if she should put herself back in that situation. She needs to hear words of confirmation from her peers. And her peers just happen to be mostly male. Hopefully Batgirl's insecurity and self-doubt won't end being a crutch that Gail Simone keeps going back to. I'd like to believe that these first few issues are about dealing with the lack of confidence and then Batgirl will be back at the top of her game without worrying about what the other people in her life think.

Now that she's filled with Batman-fueled confidence, she's ready to go kick Gretel's skinny bitch ass.
Gretel watches Batgirl swing away from the scene from an alley where she ran and hid once Bruce Wayne got his mind back. And here she sits thinking about how she became the woman she is today! And it was all men's fault!

Maybe my first reaction to Batgirl's need for Batman to approve wasn't so far off the mark! Gretel, being the reflection of Batgirl in the same way the Mirror had been, was an ambitious woman in a man's world. She was a reporter looking to be the next Lois Lane. She set her sights on bringing down some big man named Boss Whittaker. She used her feminine wiles to get close to him.

Is this really how Gods would live?

But soon they found a voice recorder in her purse. And they shot her in the head, dumped her in a river, and left her for dead. But she was fished out by some kids and ended up in the hospital where we finally get to the important bit.

Someone has issues!

Gretel's horrible life is directly attributed to powerful men not giving a fuck about what she wanted. As opposed to Batgirl who had powerful men in her life who supported her and propped her up with warm fuzzies. Is this what makes or breaks a woman? How men treat her? What men think of her? Does a woman become what she is solely based on how the men in her life treated her? That's what Gretel seems to think. And she seems to only be able to use her powers on men (or only wants to use them on men?)

Balanced against all of this "the men in women's life" stuff is the background story happening with Barbara and her mom. How did this affect Barbara and will we see the mirror of this in Gretel's life? How much of Barbara's lack of confidence comes from being abandoned by her mother at a young age? Luckily she had a strong and powerful father figure who wasn't only interested in putting the flower in a pot or crushing it underfoot. I have a feeling Gretel's mom is going to play a big role in the way things turn out!

Except probably not. Batgirl will probably defeat her and Gretel will say something about how lucky Batgirl is before letting go and dropping into the river or something silly. Maybe there will be hugs! Is that sexist? I would never expect a Batman comic book to end in hugs!

Barbara kicks around the Gretel issue in her head and begins to come up with some ideas. The number 338 is Gretel's trigger and Gretel uses (and was killed by, although Barbara doesn't know this) a .38 Magnum. Okay, that's not the number 338 but what the fuck do I know about guns? Barbara heads back home so that Alysia can get some face time.

I wonder what super hero Alysia will turn out to be? Maybe she'll become Batgirl's sidekick.

Barbara's mother has taken over Babs's apartment and has been baking pies and muffins and cakes and cookies and...I want some cake now! Barbara brushes her mother aside, telling her she's not hungry, and heads in to her bedroom to research her hunch.

I think it's cute how she took the muffins. I also think it's cute how she points out a revolver can hold six bullets.

Okay, so that's where the other dumb three comes in. Gretel was shot three times by a .38 and it's become her thing. She finds some old reports about Lisly Bonner and puts it all together. Just like that! She's like a detective or something! A muffin stuffing detective!

That should be her next nemesis: The Muffin Stuffer! It sounds like the perfect villain for a feminist comic book.

Barbara calls Batman to let him know what she's found. Gretel is a hitwoman and she's been hired to kill Batman. Batman lets Batgirl know that Boss Whittaker was just found shot to death in his hospital bed. Batgirl suggests using Bruce Wayne as bait to lure Gretel out and take her down.

Bruce Wayne holds his press conference about the building being torn down the next night with Batgirl watching over him. As he's giving his speech, the Gotham City Police begin shooting at him and shouting, "338!" Batgirl tackles him and knocks out all the cops with batarangs and kicks. After saving Bruce Wayne, that stupid fucking detective shows up.

I don't understand why this dumb fuck keeps attacking Batgirl!

Gail Simone. Stop it. Stop with this stupid trope that I just don't fucking understand. Bruce Wayne is being attacked by the Gotham Police and Batgirl has just saved his ass. So what does this detective do? Punches Batgirl and tries to arrest her! This comic was going along just fine until this moment. I cannot abide this bullshit. Why do you need a detective to hate Batgirl and try to bring her down? Especially right in the middle of events where other people are threatening lives? You fucking suck, Detective McKenna. And you too, Gail Simone. Lose this character already.

Batman comes to Batgirl's defense because Bruce Wayne is amazing at hiding and changing in record time. He tells McKenna to stand down and that she can arrest them both later after the danger is over. Except he's lying! He'll disappear afterwards! So maybe that's why McKenna punches Batgirl when she gets the chance! Because Batpeople have a habit of disappearing without answering your questions. No, no. She's just a fucking control freak who hates Batgirl for some reason.

Batgirl confronts Gretel and tries to end the madness by talking it out. Gretel just wants it all to end and intends to die fighting. But Batgirl tries to convince her that life can go on even after a sadistic madman takes everything away from you.

Her blue wig! Notice she never wore a red wig? Mind blown! In fact, the panel after this makes it look as if she's got Batgirl's red hair as they swing to the ground.

And then the comic book ends in hugs. And a trip to Arkham Asylum.

Hugs and warm fuzzies!

Batgirl Issue #6 Rating: No change in the Ranking. It would have gained one rank if Simone had left out the stupid McKenna crap. At the end of this one, as Batgirl hands over Gretel, she asks McKenna if she's going to arrest her. McKenna says, "Well, since you managed to save THIS one...next time." So there must be a law in Gotham that if you're a costumed vigilante and someone falls to their death with you nearby and you didn't save them, it's your fault and you should be arrested. Oh well. Almost a decent comic book story, Gail. Except you really just rewrote The Mirror storyline except a bit better.