Resurrection Man #8

This cover is completely stupid. Stupider even.

Resurrection Man #8 begins with two additional people looking for Mitch Shelley: a detective named Kim Rebecki who uses Psychometry (psychically finding people?) and a guy named The Butcher who uses Necromancy. Besides these guys, the Gotham Police and all law enforcement agents want him because he escaped from the Gotham Police morgue Arkham Asylum. Also, Body Double wants to find him because he's their asshole leader of whatever covert group they work for. And Suriel the Angel and some Demon Guy are also trying to find him. I think that makes for an exciting comic and a very easy story to come up with.

Dan Abnett, Writer: How did you like my story arc about him going to Portland and fighting the hot chicks and the old guy? Pretty cool, hunh?! Now it's your turn to write and I left you one hell of a wicked cliffhanger by turning Mitch to dust!
Andy Lanning, the other Writer: Oh, just wait until you see my idea! I'm going to completely fucking ignore your stupid cliffhanger (I mean, seriously, DEAD DEAD? The angel killed him TOO much?) and start over completely with him waking up in Gotham! He'll still feel compelled to go from place to place like before but the angel can't find him!
Dan Abnett: Cool! But you know what this comic needs? More people trying to find him!
Andy Lanning: Oh yeah! Of course! We literally can't get too many people chasing him! And everyone wants him dead!
Both Together: BUT HE CAN'T DIE! Bwa ha ha ha ha!

The part of the story that probably made them giggle and hug themselves was the part where they called the story Manhunt not because two new people were searching for him but because Mitch Shelley is searching for himself! For his old self, to be a tiny bit more precise. That's just the sort of thing writers orgasm over and can't wait to point out to other people. "Look how clever I am, you fucking tart! I'M A GODDAMNED WRITER!"

Wow, I'm really being bitchy to Dan and Andy! But I think they deserve it! Five issues in and the story seems to be going somewhere and then they completely fucking derail it. It's like Legion Lost over here!

Well, the internet should surely know who you are! Maybe you should check your Myspace page. Or your Friendster. Soul Exchange!?!

Mitch Shelley seems a bit old to think his answers can be found on the internet. This is a work of fiction, though, so he might find something. Over at my normal webpage, Places and Predators dot com, I've been slowly (ever so slowly) working on a Bible Study and Commentary. Because of this page, most of the search terms used to find my site have to do with The Bible. I think it's hilarious how many people read The Bible, find a portion that is unclear (the whole thing?), and then ask the internet to clear it up. Like the internet is some source that has the answer to everything! The Internet trumps The Bible. I mean, really, it does. But that statement is still pretty funny and possibly blasphemous. But it still doesn't stop people who believe The Bible is the ultimate manual to life from looking to the internet for answers The Bible won't give up.

Yeah, that's it Mitch. You don't show up on the internet because you're too classified. Maybe you just don't have an internet presence because you've been roaming the world as an amnesiac super hero.

While heading to the newsprint archive, he runs into Detective Kim Rebecki and she gets an overload Psychometric message from him. She collapses from the overwhelming power and he touches her boobies. No, no. Um, well, maybe!

He might have even touched her Twiddle Crevice!

And then Alan Moore The Butcher crashes the party! Literally! Well, he literally crashes the figurative party!

He's a Fatomancer.

The Butcher kills Shelley and tries to use Shelley's life force to cast a spell as Shelley resurrects. Once Mitch resurrects, he takes his life power back from The Butcher and The Butcher's spell backfires, using The Butcher's life force to power it and destroying The Butcher! Like using Black Razer against an undead opponent!

Once he's out of the picture, Mitch begins speaking with Kim and realizes she knows a hell of a lot more about him than he does. He wants her to tell him all about himself but she won't do it here in public. But before they can go anywhere, well, you can guess what happens again.

And guess who killed him this time! Guess! GUESS!

Way to go, Deadshot!

Resurrection Man Issue #8 Rating: No change. Hopefully this comic is moving ahead and will get past this Who Am I? crap pretty soon. It's not really interesting when that point is shoved at you ever other panel. It would be more interesting if he were just doing things and his journey of self-discovery was more of a background notion. But this gets old pretty fast. It's like when a caller on Coast to Coast calls up George Knapp to tell him some crazy story where he ran into some aliens. Instead of telling the story in a concise way, the caller will pause and wait for reactions and ask things like, "Can you guess what happened next?" and other annoying things. The caller thinks it's somehow building tension in the story simply by dragging it out. But it's really just building the obnoxiousness. Or something. So hurry up and get on with it, Resurrection Man. We're waiting for the real story to start.