Pee in the jar! Pee in the jar!
He's running fast enough to break the Panel Barrier. That's got to be fast enough to jump into space!
If that contradicts something I said earlier, just realize that I was probably talking about a comic book I really hated if I panned it for not being realistic! Like when Grifter makes an explosion using flour and a flame. I mean, seriously! That was just stupid! This is a man running into Goddamned space! Totally different!
And besides, Superman doesn't get enough momentum from just that! That would be ridiculous! So he gets a little added push from a Galaxy Broadcasting satellite.
He may not have needed the added momentum. He probably just wanted to send one of their satellites crashing to Earth because they are pricks.
Superman is the new cream filling!
Back in Mini-Metropolis, Lois runs into Lex Luthor and blames the shit out of him. He mutters something about 'Dwarf Star Lensing' and 'Professor Raymond Palmer' before realizing, by utilizing his binoculars, that they've been miniaturized. And then some spider nanite robot things start crawling all over the streets of Metropolis.
Of course, she was right to blame the shit out of this asshole.
Superman finally finds the jar with Metropolis in it. The Collector's robots are still chasing him and trying to preserve him. Supes asks who has done this and the Collector spits out a bunch of names that he's been called across time and space. On Krypton, they called him Brainiac! So I was right way back when! And then on Earth, they were internet! So the Collector disguises itself as the information system for civilized planets, learns everything it can about the planet, and then collects specimens when the planet dies. Or maybe it kills the planet and then collects specimens. I'm not so clear about that part.
If Supes is a Level 8 Cuckoo, does that mean he threw Ma and Pa Kent's real kid out of the nest? Also, are these Dungeons and Dragon's levels? Level 8 is pretty good!
Really, Brainiac? You're such a dumb shit sometimes. He's going to choose to save both and kick your ass at the same time! Duh!
Earlier, Superman saw some clothing that looked familiar. Once Brainiac starts talking too much (big surprise, eh?), he mentions that the clothing Supes people wore was indestructible. So Superman breaks open the jar with the clothes and dons the suit. It was all white but then it changes into the costume everybody recognizes! Well, everybody recognizes now that Jim Lee got his rabid hands all over it.
I wonder why it makes the 'S'? Does the material read the DNA of the person wearing it and apply the appropriate family crest?
Uh-oh! A Level 15 Human Centuarpede! Can a Level 8 Cuckoo take him?!
No way! Who the fuck needs physics in the real world?! I'm just going to jump over the house now and drive my car up a fucking tree.
At the end of the story, Steel realizes that it takes millions of heroes to help out in a crisis of this magnitude and not just one super hero. OH EMM GEE! I feel the tears welling up right now!
Action Comics #7 Rating: Same Ranking for the same reasons as before! This comic is really good (well, the main story) but it's $4 and Batman is only $3 because it doesn't have a crappy backup story every month! So Action Comics can't climb past Batman on purely economical reasons!