Sunday, April 15, 2012

Static Shock #6

I wonder if Technique's nemesis is Risque?

Last issue, one of Static Shock's sisters was kidnapped by the Crime Syndicate that may or may not have a cool super villain name because I can't remember. And Static was about to go rescue her with help from the mysterious voice that set him up the bomb headquarters: Hardware! I think.

Static finds that Piranha's barge was a big fake Trojan horse thing. The ship that actually hid within the garbage barge, the one that his sister is one, has disappeared. Static isn't sure if it went up or down river until his eyes start hurting. In pulses. Someone sent him an ultraviolet SOS that he can follow.

I think.

See? He's saying 'ow' in that Morse code fashion? But no indication why. And then there is a trail of lights that he follows.

Static's sister is brought before some guy named David Davidson. He also goes by Darkstar. Sharon recognizes him as the man who kidnapped her and created her doppleganger. Or the man who took the real Sharon and created her. One of those.

Static follows his light trail to a place in the river where it suddenly submerges. Before he can come up with some plan to make some kind of magnetic air bubble or some way to ionize the water around his face to separate the hydrogen and oxygen so he can, um, kind of breathe, maybe, Hardware and Technique arrive to help him out.

Then some shit goes down and past story lines are referenced and it's late and I'm not being tested on what the fuck just happened in this comic so fuck it. It's over in two more.

The final battle where Piranha turns on Darkstar and Darkstar decides not to deal with Nemo so Nemo throws his Q-Juice into the Dimensional portal and.... Hey! I have no idea what's gone on before this. But has the Big Bang where Static got his powers ever been explained? Because maybe Nemo's Q-Juice was the cause because the portal sent it through time and space to that day where everyone got their powers. Probably not though. One of the reasons I could barely follow this issue was because they were relying on knowledge of pre-New 52 Static Shock comics.

Alkali turned out to be a Static clone. So not only was Static's sister cloned, he was as well. But Alkali ends up being sucked into the portal when he throws Davidson in to destroy it somehow. I don't know what happened to Nemo or Piranha or most anybody!

What do they have to talk about? She doesn't know that's her brother, right?

Yeah, she doesn't know. So what did he need to talk to her about? Being true to yourself? Did he sing a Mulan song to her?

Static Shock Issue #6 Rating: -1 Ranking. Okay, okay. I didn't really try very hard with this comic. But it felt like they were tying up as many loose ends as possible at once because the comic was cancelled. It also fails because the writer is also the penciller. I gave up trying to figure out what was happening in the action scenes with Piranha versus Darkstar versus Hardware versus Nemo versus Darkstar's Aliens versus Piranha's Thugs versus Static versus Technique versus Alkali. All I know for sure is that Darkstar and Alkali (Static Clone) ended up in the portal and it was closed. And David Davidson (Darkstar) was behind all of Static and his sister's problems. So story arc over. I guess.

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