Green Lantern Annual #4

Another issue of Green Lanterns Corps Quarterly!

Annual Time! Annual Time! I think I wrote a song about Annual Time! But I can't remember it so I think it went like this! Break me off a piece of that Annual Time!

I'm tired of trying to sound coherent when I write! What am I? A college professor?! I'm not even an internet smart person! You know those people. Always talking about pop culture through the lens of Greek Drama or Franzhelm Nietzsche's Philosophy or Critical Literary Theory! I'm not even smart enough to know which words to not capitalize! And I'm constantly using exclamation points to dress up my sentences so it seems like they're full of passionate intensity as opposed to lacking all conviction! Maybe I'd sound smarter if my tone were more somber which means maybe I should use more periods! A punctuation mark must exist which is the opposite of the exclamation point. You know? The one you use at the end of all of your spoken sentences when you're at a funeral? What does that punctuation mark look like? Oh! I think I know. Let me try it out.

"I was very sorry to hear that your grandmother was run over by a Rangifer tarandus:("

No, that won't work. Some people read and write their emoticons from right to left and then that just looks like somebody with a furrowed brow who's annoyed about the death of your grandmother. Also, I don't think emoticons should be used as punctuation. I didn't spend four and a half years in a state school's Literature Program and not learn a little something about ignoring the rules. Before I can flagrantly disregard proper punctuation, I have to become a famous poet! It's also possible that I can pretend to be a famous novelist who knows what he's doing while really just writing sleep-deprived rants in the manner of John Dos Passos. If only I had the same kind of confidence and audacity as that guy! And also his talent! Dammit! There go all the exclamation points again! Maybe I should just remove the key from my laptop?

Okay then. From now on, somber tones. Somber tones. Also try to remember that I can't type the number one anymore.

Hal Jordan has come to a planet that is full of criminals as he runs from the Green Lanterns. I hope he's not about to meet Jack T. Chance.

Nope. It's worse.

The problem I have with people into philosophy isn't that they're smart but that they never seem to think for themselves. It's always, "Well so-and-so (where "so-and-so" is the name of one of the many philosophers I totally know but don't want to pick on) thinks life is like a box of chocolates." Then they might expound on how they agree or disagree with so-and-so but through examples of other philosophers and their thoughts. They also love to disagree with anything anybody says because they don't believe anybody else has ever given any real thought to their own beliefs. Obviously we're all just running around spouting catch phrases and talking points. Whenever somebody says they're into philosophy, that usually just means that they want you to think they're smart without having to put in any work proving that they are. And if they have to put in work, it'll usually come in quotes from books they want you to think they've read completely rather than opinions they formed on their own. I believe in coming up with my own opinions based on not having to read lengthy and boring philosophy books!

Oh shit! The space where the exclamation point key was still functions even when the little flat bit has been removed! Apparently I don't understand how computers work.

Robert Venditti should be writing Twat Lobo. I almost liked him during the brief exchange with Hal! He had that type of confident arrogance that somebody who knows they can murder anybody who attacks them generally has. When I meet people like that, I always feel like I'm looking in a mirror! The Twat Lobo over in those other books is constantly flashing his bravado. That's the sign of a coward! And possibly a twat! I don't really know what the definition of "twat" is but I'm pretty sure Lobo has earned the moniker.

Hal doesn't run for long before the Green Lanterns catch up with him. The lanterns are 2-6-8-1-7-9-5, Wolverilla, Salaak, the one made of fire, and one whose name begins with "V", I think.

That's where the story ends for now. Because Hal Jordan is telling this old story to his new friends, The Little Prince and Trapper Keeper. For reference, I usually use an Oxford Comma so that should allow you to understand the previous sentence better.

Okay Trapper. You're stealing my shtick now.

Hal has some touching moments bonding with his crew that involve muzzles, mourning, and another word that begins with "M" that probably isn't masturbation before he gets back to his story.

Hal comes to a part of his story that only makes sense if viewed through one disgusting pop culture tidbit.

Nobody mentioned a ring! So he must be comparing how his hands spreading the hole to another pair of hands spreading a hole that have a ring. Goat.se.

On the next page, Hal completes his thought with "But I've still got the will." But that's only to make the previous page excusable to an editor paying attention to how the ring line doesn't make sense. I get what Venditti did here! He just goat.se'd Green Lantern fans everywhere! Good one, Bob!

Hal defeats the Lanterns and drives them off acting like a crazy killer in the hopes they'll back off chasing after him. I guess he didn't need to worry too much about that since they soon decided to take a vacation in another universe.

This is how I feel things would go down in a meeting between me and Scott Lobdell. Yes, Lobdell would be playing the Hal Jordan role.

Meanwhile on Port Spire which Hal Jordan recently freed from a group of Thanagarian bandits, a new group of Intergalactic Bad People begin questioning the cute little girl who learned to love guests. The new guys (unless they're old. I haven't heard of every character in the DC Universe no matter how much it seems like I probably actually have) are The Gray Agents. They want to kill Hal Jordan so they can gain a reputation as the best cops in the universe. Then they'll be trusted and they can take over the policing business. And there's a lot of money in the policing business if you're a bunch of corrupt assholes which I'm assuming The Gray Agents are.

Meanwhile back aboard Darlene, Hal has a private conversation with The Little Prince about reputation as well. He wants everybody to think he's got a bad one so that they all fear him. And he wants to do it through other people talking! He doesn't want to rely on the empty bravado of Twat Lobo! Okay, so it's not really so empty since Twat Lobo can back it up. But I sure wish he'd simply back it up more instead of constantly crowing about it. After the conversation, Hal continues on his search for The Black Hand.

Green Lantern Annual #4 Non-Ranking Annual Rating: Batman was a terrific annual. This was also a terrific annual. How did DC manage to publish two annuals worth reading in one month?! And I still have the Grayson and the Suicide Squad Annuals which I have high hopes for! Notice how I didn't mention the Green Arrow Annual? You can't expect them all to be gems!