Justice League 3001 #4

Oh look. Another comic book I can read because I haven't been shot by some nut with a gun. Lucky me.

I'm not anti-owning guns. But all gun owners are fucking cowards. All of them. You want to continue to be able to own a gun legally in this country? Take some fucking responsibility for every person killed with a gun. Apparently you think the amount of American lives taken by guns is worth owning your gun or else you'd participate in finding an actual solution to this problem instead of grasping tighter and tighter to your precious weapon. What we need is second and third tier punishments for gun crimes. If you believe your gun will never be used to commit murder because you're so fucking responsible with it then you should agree to punishments that extend beyond the shooter. If the gun is used in an accidental shooting death, you get manslaughter. If the gun was stolen, the previous owner of the gun should be charged as an accessory to the crime. If the gun was legally purchased, the seller should be levied with a hefty fine or, if sold outside the letter of the law, charged as an accessory to the murder as well. Go ahead. Keep your fucking guns so you can feel safe. But don't for a second believe that part of the cost of your gun isn't, every day, being paid in somebody else's blood. Live your life of paranoia and mistrust, only feeling safe and comfortable because you can shoot the fuck out of the boogeyman you just know is eventually going to come crashing through your living room window. Owning a gun isn't about freedom. It's about locking the cage from the inside because you're terrified of everything out of your control.

My favorite part about the current state of Second Amendment Supporter debate is that it's all about crying about how quickly people complain about guns when a mass shooting happens. So their argument is that people should just fucking accept that guns are everywhere and one day one of them will, once again, eventually be used to kill a bunch of people? Just shut up and take it? Are only brain dead people on the side of the NRA because I haven't seen a debate tactic this bad since my seventh grade debate team tried to argue that cheerleading causes teen pregnancy. Although we did have a lot of pregnant cheerleaders that year.

Only when a mass shooting takes place where the shooter is using a bow and arrows will the mantra "guns don't kill people; people kill people" be an acceptable argument. Until then, guns kills people. When a lot of people die, it's because of a gun.

Anyway, I'm going to read a comic book now. If you're a gun owner, you're probably not reading this sentence. Although if you have stuck around, you probably understood my point without being personally insulted by my comments. Because they aren't personal. But something needs to be done and I think that something needs to come from gun owners. Either you're going to have to find a solution or you're going to have to give up your gun. I suppose you can also just continue to feel happy and safe with your gun and your delusional beliefs that these tragedies only happen because evil exists in the world and because the victims were too dumb to not shoot the killer first. I suppose that's a justifiable way to continue living too. I suppose.

This issue is just a story told by an idiot full of comic book shenanigans. Teri is the idiot. Her shenanigans are supposedly just a training exercise.

I hope The Joker still exists in 3001!

Teri has been sent by Lois Lane in her Ariel disguise to run around the frozen planet of Nirvana until she freezes to death. Teri doesn't know she's supposed to freeze to death though. She thinks she's helping locate some mysterious signal. Teri doesn't freeze to death nor find a mysterious signal. But she does find Mirror Master 3001! This meeting allows Giffen and DeMatteis to write a "I knew Barry Allen and you're no Barry Allen!" joke which maybe 10% of the people reading this comic book probably remember from the vice presidential debates in 1988. Giffen and DeMatteis love their recycled old jokes!

Mirror Master has come to Nirvana to retire and try to figure out life in the 31st Century. So I guess he's the original who probably lived in a mirror and didn't age for 1000 years. But since he's not into petty theft anymore, he winds up in a buddy comedy with The Flash (Teri Version).

The Flash's suggestion is, of course, to run.

Mirror Master disappears into a reflective surface of polished ice and The Flash is mauled by Piranha Bears. But she survives to never tell anybody about her meeting with The Mirror Master until telling her story to a drunk and passed out Diana now. The final revelation is made when Teri tries to drag Diana out of the bar and back to headquarters.

Of course Diana and Etta were lovers! I guess that revelation isn't as revealing as I made it out to be by calling it a "revelation" as opposed to "confirmation of previously acknowledged suppositions."

Justice League 3001 #4 Rating: No change. DC Comics should really consider more comic books like Justice League 3001. I don't mean more comics by old writers recycling the same old jokes they've been writing across their entire careers. No, I mean more comic books that take place in their own special DC Universe. In fact, DC Comics should color code the comic books depending on which DC Universe they take place in. Forget having a special label for the 52 different universes. Just let certain stories take place in certain universes without having to write an entire sourcebook on every universe. The comic books should be color coded by the DC Comics Logo on the front cover. So Gods and Monsters currently have a Gold Logo, so any story that takes place in that universe should have a Gold Logo on the cover. Any story that takes place in the universe with the Crayola Time Lords should have a Magenta Logo on the cover. Comics taking place in the Justice League 3001 universe should have an Argyle Logo. Comics taking place in the DC Youniverse should have a Hot Pink Logo while comics in The New 52 Universe should retain the regular Blue Logo. And finally, comic books taking place in Eddie Berganza's Universe should have a Turd Logo. It would make sense! Then people who are only interested in certain characters from certain universes could readily tell which comic books to pick up!