Batman Annual #4

"Gotham chaotic. Batman grumpy!"

It's annual time! It's annual time! It's time for an annual! It's annual time!

That was a song. It doesn't work as well in the written form but I refuse to do a Vlog or a Podcast. Not because I'm against them but because they take efforts that are different from the efforts I've become comfortable making by doing a regular blog. I also have a secret blog in the works that nobody will like at all! But it's also the one that will finally get me to set up a Patreon account. So be prepared to empty your change jars and then afterward get out your credit cards!

The issue begins with Bruce Wayne and Julie Madison (Madison!) returning to Wayne Manor because the inmates have all been shipped out and the place is being returned to the Wayne Family. Having Wayne Manor back is reason enough for this annual. It's a bit of Batman's story that has needed to be reintroduced somehow but shouldn't interfere with the pacing of the story taking place in the regular issues. I suppose it could have been another Batman #28 where DC Comics was all, "I know you really wanted to buy the next issue in the series you've been reading but we're going to sell you an entirely different story instead, chumps!" Maybe they learned their lesson after that.

Alfred begins discussing wedding plans and nurseries with himself loud enough for Julie's vagina to hear. He so desperately wants a normal Batbaby for his little boy Bruce! Bruce just looks around pretending not to remember how he was once Batman. He even makes sure to point out multiple times how he's lost his memory when Geri Powers arrives to discuss how she now owns Bruce Wayne's entire past. Except the Manor, I guess. I guess she had no need for it.

Or--more likely--she has ulterior motives!

One of Geri Powers' stories was about the last three criminals to be moved out of Arkham Manor: Clayface, Mr. Freeze, and The Riddler. It seemed odd that she would tell this story since they were obviously now moved out of the house and they couldn't be a part of the story. At least it seemed odd for about three pages. That's about when Alfred realizes the layout of the house is all wrong because it's actually Clayface.

And his housemates.

The Riddler just wanted a meeting with Bruce Wayne. But his game will have to wait until after Alfred helps Bruce escape for a few pages so that Alfred can lie straight to Bruce's face about not knowing why The Riddler would bother with him. Alfred also tries to arm Bruce with a rifle but Bruce refuses to use a gun. So that part of his brain still remembers. He does take it to use as a bludgeon though. I have a feeling he's going to shoot somebody with the initials J.M! I wish this was a Superman story so I could say he was going to accidentally shoot somebody with the initials L.L. and probably be correct.

Mister Freeze recaptures Bruce and explains how they want him to remember who he was so that he'll know why they all hate him so much. The Riddler tells Bruce Wayne his entire story. You all know it. That thing happened and then the other thing and then that really crazy thing followed by those other things and then whammo! Here we are!

The Riddler's question to Bruce is "What are you?" When Bruce finally answers, he says, "Crazy! I was crazy! That's what you want to hear, right? You want me to say that I was some damn lunatic!" The Riddler seems happy with that answer. You know who's probably not happy with that answer? Alfred! Because if it's true then Alfred fucked up. Alfred didn't protect little Bruce. Alfred didn't get Bruce the help he needed to deal with the pain. Alfred was the parent and he failed Bruce. No wonder Alfred is trying so hard to cheat Bruce out of his old reality. Alfred thinks he's gotten a chance at redemption. The only problem is Bruce is no longer a little boy. Bruce made his choices and shaped his life to become Batman. Alfred cheated Bruce out of a normal life by not getting him the help he needed. Now Alfred is cheating Bruce out of the only life he knows.

At least Batman breaks people who have made obviously bad choices. He's not breaking people who just went to see the wrong movie at the wrong time.

Bruce, once again, points out that he's not that guy anymore. And the others point out that's the problem. Alfred may want Bruce Wayne to have a happy ending but the people hurt most by Batman who was financed by Bruce Wayne? They don't see that as an option. Bruce Wayne doesn't get to be happy.

I don't yet know how this ends but I like where it's headed. These three want to punish Bruce Wayne for bringing Batman into Gotham. But they want to make sure the Bruce Wayne they punish knows why he's being punished. But if they're successful in their goal and he gets his memory back, they'll merely be bringing Batman back into Gotham. Which means that in Batman Annual #5, they're going to have to punish themselves. I think The Riddler would appreciate how it all plays out if he were only privy to Batman's secret identity.

It's the same kind of crazy! It will be the exact same kind of crazy!

I've been reading this story pretty closely so this is probably the part where Bruce says, "Canasta." Unless you have to pronounce it spelled incorrectly like Alfred did when he said, "Conasta." At first I was thinking that maybe Commissioner Batman would crash through the window since they're in the study and then Bruce would remember everything and he'd be, "I will call myself...Commissioner Batmanman!" But then I remembered the trick chandelier that falls when you say "canasta" spelled wrong. So that will probably be how the day is saved.

Bruce does say "Conasta" (maybe that's like a family name or something? Bruce Conasta Wayne?) but only after picking up the rifle and shooting The Riddler's Batman Signal Blocker. So now Commissioner Batman can crash through the window after the chandelier explodes! Mr. Freeze and Clayface are frozen in place when the chandelier electrocutes them (I guess electricity was the trick and not C-4). And then Bruce Wayne lectures The Riddler. Unless he chastises him. Either way, he probably should have saved the speeches for after fucking Catwoman. Now that he's used his "Crazy Lecture" on The Riddler, he won't have any pillow talk for Selina.

Bruce Wayne's final interaction with The Riddler proves that his brain didn't completely heal from the Dionesium. He kicks Edward in the face after Edward has already lost, proving he still takes pleasure in beating the shit out of mentally ill people. And on that note, he kind of asks Julie Madison to marry him in the family cemetery! Unless the garden is on the other side of the manor.

Batman Annual #4 Non-Ranking Annual Rating: At one point in this book, Bruce Wayne actually fires a gun. Clayface is so shocked that instead of stretching a gooey finger out and knocking the gun out of Bruce's grip, he says, "You're Bruce Wayne. You've spoken out against guns your whole life! That's like one of the big things everyone knows." Okay, so he said it with worse punctuation but that's exactly what he said. I don't get why he's so shocked when the whole point of punishing Bruce Wayne is because he financed all of Batman's weapons composed of vehicles with rockets on them and exploding batarangs. Aren't those worse than guns?! That's the only part of this excellent annual that I felt like complaining about because I felt--like a terrible manager who thinks they have to prove they're doing a good job by being negative and finding faults with employees--I had to complain about something! James Tynion really should be writing his own series that doesn't have anything to do with an escape artist named Calvin.