Grayson Annual #2

Yay! Superman is finally going to be written well!

Look, Grayson Annual #2. I don't mean to complain because more of a good comic book is always a good thing. But you do realize that Grayson is only on issue twelve, right? So why the fuck do you exist, Grayson Annual #2?! You are not taking the meaning of the word "annual" very literally. I suppose if you wanted to be an Actually Nerd, you would point out that the first annual came out during the first year of the series and this one, technically, has arrived just after the first year was finished. You might also point out how annuals aren't a yearly thing anymore and they're just a way for DC Comics to continue to make money every week during months that have five Wednesdays. You can say any of these things but you still wouldn't wash away the feeling that two annuals in the first year of a comic book's run is just plain wrong.

Of course I forgive you, Grayson Annual #2! Especially since you've allowed Superman to join you. He's been having a tough time lately where he's been written like a total jackass. He'll probably be hardly recognizable in this issue! People will probably read it and think, "Who is that compassionate man full of patience and why is he wearing a Superman t-shirt? Is it a clone of Dick Grayson? I am confused!"

The issue begins several years ago when Dick Grayson was still Robin. Blockbuster has been rampaging down the East Coast from Metropolis to Gotham (which is a pretty short rampage, really. Like one bridge or something) and it's now up to Batman and Robin to stop him. Or to help stop him. I'm sure Superman didn't just shoo Blockbuster out of Metropolis and return to the coffee shop to finish his article on dirty local restaurants.

Don't worry, Superman. You can remind Batman of this conversation in a few years when Gotham is destroyed at the end of Batman Eternal. And then again after Endgame. It won't be very satisfying though because Batman is an Actually Nerd and will point out that, technically, it was his enemies who destroyed the city while trying to destroy him. You'll just have to be satisfied with the knowledge that you know Batman is just as culpable as The Joker when The Joker takes out his frustration on Gotham and its citizens.

As Batman and Robin leave Superman to deal with clean up and actually talking to people, Batman badmouths Superman. He calls him the worst insult a control freak like Batman can come up with: an unknown quantity. He also whines about how Superman is untrained and young. How does Batman know how untrained Superman is? Oh wait. Batman knows everything! I should probably just assume that if Batman is saying it, it must be true.

Batman ends his lecture about Superman by saying "He is most certainly not 'just a guy.'" So this story is called "Just a Guy" because Batman is sometimes wrong no matter how many times DC tells their fans that Batman isn't ever wrong and he's the greatest super hero to ever live and he could defeat Superman because he's so smart even though every comic book fan knows Superman would have to be a complete idiot to not be able to beat Batman. So in other news, DC Comics believes that Superman is a complete idiot. That's not breaking news to people who have been reading Superman since The New 52 began.

The story jumps forward in time to just before Dick leaves Gotham after letting his Bat-Siblings know he isn't really dead. He's putting the Spyral back in his eye and he's ready for some good old fashioned spy adventures.

The whimsical attitude Tim and Tom have given to the Spyral Organization is a nice touch. Unless Morrison already had that as a feature. Who can remember? I mean, I can't remember. I know a bunch of you nerds out there will remind me.

Dick finishes his statement on the next page by saying "with one last dance" after which he dives off of the building to do some of his signature crouch swinging about the roofs of the buildings. What happens next makes me laugh longer and louder than I've ever laughed reading a comic book. It's just done so beautifully! Superman swoops in to save the man he thinks is committing suicide. That man says "Clark?" which gets Superman's attention as he sees the man's face is a mass of spiraling flesh. This startles Superman causing him to drop Dick who simply says "Awwwww, man!" because now he's falling all uncrouched and graceless!

The only thing about the previous scene that would have made me love it better was if Superman's identity were still secret and hearing this guy speak his name was the cause of Superman dropping Dick. Anyway, great moment. Dick saves himself while Superman flips the fuck out about having probably just killed some guy. Dick turns off his hypnos and let's Superman know it's his old pal Robin!

This is how a compassionate person reacts to finding out somebody they loved wasn't really dead. You can be a dick to them later over coffee when you bring up how fucked up the whole faking your death thing was.

Dick and Clark catch up on all the weirdness that has been going on in their lives. I guess Dick has been too busy to watch the news or read Lois Lane's blog because he had no idea what was going on with Superman. It's probably best that he remained ignorant of all of that bullshit anyway. Better to just pretend that the Tim Seeley/Tom King Universe is its own place.

The reunion is interrupted by The Fist of Cain because they want to earn points for killing an alien. Everybody knew Superman was an alien before all this shit went down, right? Lois's article must have really played up the part about how he was losing his powers and he's totally vulnerable to being killed now. She's the worst!

Dick learns more about what's happened to Superman during the brawl, like how he's no longer faster than a speeding bullet and also how that speeding bullet can hurt him. He also learns that bit about Lois being a real jerk! Although I still think Lois did the absolutely right thing with HORDR_ROOT trying to use Superman's secret against him. I think she just panicked and did it before talking it over with Clark. They could have come up with a plan that left everybody feeling happy and secure instead of fearful and ignorant.

I wonder if that's how Dick used to describe Batman?

Since Dick and Clark are worth so many points, they decide to take the battle away from the urban center to avoid destruction, death, and chaos. You know, the way heroes would do.

Batman has the same problem with his sidekicks.

Dick directs Clark to drive to a piece of highway still under construction after it was destroyed during the fight between Batman and the Jokerfied Superman. Come on, Superman! This is why Batman and all the other fearmongering assholes have an argument about you being dangerous! Every time somebody fucks with your head, it's another potential apocalypse! Either figure out how not to be possessed, mind-controlled, and brainwashed, or go live on Mars!

Yes! Mellow at best! When is the last time we've seen Mellow Superman?! Okay, that time he stopped the guy with the gun in the alley while he had no powers. But he only did that because he had no powers! He should be acting that way even with powers!

Superman can't actually be careless in battle. He's so powerful that he never knows exactly how hard to hit his opponent without killing him. Which is actually another reason why he shouldn't be striding into conflict throwing punches! Although when it does come down to fisticuffs, Superman has to do a lot of math. He has to throw a lot of soft punches to calibrate how hard he needs to hit the person to simply knock them unconscious. It's a mental strain to brawl if you're Superman.

The Fist of Cain goons are sucking down some Venomade while they fight so they aren't as easy to defeat as Dick thought they would be. Although the woman biker was taken out by Dick turning off his Hypnos and flashing her a smile. I guess she wasn't a lesbian. Or smart. But then, none of these Fist of Cain goons seem very smart. And they just keep getting dumber because the next Fist of Cain member they meet is their newest recruit: Blockbuster! Superman ghost rides the motorcycle (actually named "Lana" for probably psychosexual reasons) with a Spyral bomb on it into Blockbuster. Dick and Clark get away in the chaos of the explosion to find some way to defeat Blockbuster. It can't be too hard to do. Batman has been known to do it and he's no better at fighting bad guys than Dick Grayson! Although he's way better at fighting bad guys than depowered Superman.

Clark once wrote a bio on Blockbuster for The Daily Planet so he reminds everybody about Rob Liefeld's story in Hawk and Dove #6! Oh such good times!

Superman has an idea! Maybe Dick Grayson, partner to Batman for hardly any time at all, can build one of those Hypothalamus Inhibitors that Batman used on Blockbuster during the encounter told at the beginning of this comic book. Surely Dick Grayson learned about electronics and gadgets and car engines during that time, right?

Sure you're just a guy, Dick! But Batman is just a guy too! It's just he's a guy with Lucius Fox's phone number!

Hey bad writers! I know a lot of you read stories written by good comic book writers and think, "But that's exactly the kind of stuff I write! Why does Twitter hate me?!" This book is a good example of the little details that lift up a story and make it more than just a hero beating a bad guy. See how King and Seeley's use of symmetry ties together both halves of this story while simply and organically comparing Superman and Dick Grayson? It's elegant! Well, it might not be elegant exactly. It's kind of a standard writing technique. But it's standard because it fucking works! Earlier Batman said Superman isn't just some guy. And now Dick is claiming that he's just some guy. But Superman is going to point out how he's way more than some guy while Superman literally is just some guy right now! Also that Nightwing story was a nice touch. Also also, Superman once ran around in disguise as a Kryptonian superhero called Nightwing based on Batman, so that ties it together even more for the huge nerds reading this.

Superman wants to call in help from Lex Luthor. But Dick Grayson has integrity! He would never be caught working for a criminal like Lex! Unless Batman asked him to nicely and he was just working undercover and he had an opportunity to bang a bunch of hot college girls. I think it's okay then.

Seriously though, Lucius Fox would be an easier call to make.

Clark makes the call and Lex plays the hero. Although he's a creepy hero who still doesn't believe Lois Lane's article about Superman being Clark Kent. Mostly he doesn't believe it because he didn't think of it himself. But I think he also doesn't believe it because Lois Lane's blog is terrible, if her articles in the Doomed story arc were anything to judge her work by.

Clark and Dick subdue all the now depowered bad guys and leave them for Commissioner Batman to pick up. All that's left is for Superman to say goodbye to Grayson in a way that I can't really be snarky about.

Although I can bitch about Alfred having two hands. I bet Lucius Fox built the new one for him!

Grayson Annual #2 Non-Ranking Annual Rating: This is where I'm supposed to say something that begins with "If you're not reading this comic" and then ends with something like "I hope your newborn baby gets cancer." But I won't write that because you should be reading this comic book. And if you aren't, it doesn't bother me at all. You're just depriving yourself of a really good super hero comic book written by people who know how stories work. One other thing I liked about this story is that Superman and Dick Grayson reached out for help when they needed it. They knew what they needed to stop the bad guys and they didn't let their egos or personal reasons for hating Lex Luthor (like how he murdered Dick and attempted to murder Superman several times) interfere. Too many writers think writing a super hero is just about making him a bad-ass with tough one-liners. This issue may have been called "Just a Guy" but it's about two guys who act like heroes. Unless the reason it was called "Just a Guy" was because Lex Luthor was supposed to be thought of as just a guy Superman is calling to deliver a package. No big deal! No reason not to call him. He's just this guy, you know?!