Friday, November 14, 2014

World's End #4

Is this the scariest image of Death the World's End creators could come up with? A pregnant woman with a mullet?

I don't have a problem with mullets. I think it's about time we all stop shaming people for poor fashion choices and haircuts everybody knows look fucking awful. Let people do what they want! Besides, the only reason people with mullets get ridiculed so much is because mainstream society has designated mullets as one of the few choices a person makes that can be wholeheartedly made fun of. It's disgusting and we should all stop doing it immediately. Or we should allow that it's okay to make fun of anybody for any reason at all.

What I'm actually waiting for is for somebody to come up with a medical diagnosis that causes a person to have to have a mullet so that mullet wearers can have a label just like everybody else. That way when someone makes fun of them, they can pull out their label and reverse shame the shamer! "How dare you?! I have a condition! A condition, you unsympathetic bastard!" Sometimes I think the reason everybody wants to be diagnosed with something is so that they have some kind of defense against assholes. "I have social anxiety, you dick! You're not allowed to make jokes at my expense!"

Fuck labels. You don't need a label to defend yourself. You just need the confidence to be yourself and to shout, "FUCK YOU, YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF SHIT!" whenever anybody targets you with the slightest, most innocuous, probably not even meant the way you interpreted it comments! This ability has allowed me to survive amongst a whole host of extroverted monsters constantly trying to get me to participate in their "society." And they rarely ever tell me they have a condition when I start making fun of them!

Extrovert: "Why are you constantly inside on the computer? You should come to my party this weekend!"
Tess: "FUCK YOU, YOU NEEDY BASTARD! 'Daddy! Daddy! Look at me!'"
Extrovert: "What the hell? Are you okay? It's just, you seem to be missing out on life."
Tess: "FUCK YOU! Drinking yourself into a stupor every weekend and fucking a different face every night will be a grand legacy to leave to all of your bastard children!"
Extrovert: "Jesus. Sorry I tried to help. You really could use some fresh air. And maybe a shower."
Tess: "FUCK YOU! I'll shower when I'm good and ready and not sad, you dickhole!"
Extrovert: "Fine! I'm leaving!" (Extrovert leaves)
Tess: "Why doesn't anybody ever want to do anything with me?"

I have no idea what's been going on with Fury, Scott, and Barda's relationship with the people of Earth-2 which, I think, means I'm as confused as the writers. But it seems the writers are finally settling on an alliance between groups.

Back in Geneva, Switzerland (I forgot to look at a map! Luckily, the editors finally told me where Geneva is located. Although they're probably wrong since they don't even know where the Fortress of Solitude is located half of the time), Replacement Batman and his team prepare to enter the Geneva Firepit to look for clues. I never watched much Blue's Clues but I'm confident that the clues they will find will be fire, heat, and third degree burns. Salt and Pepper agree with me.

The scene shifts to Apokolips where my entire day is ruined by what Apokolips (the planet is a person is a throne is a thing? What?) and his sniveling court of snivelers discuss.

No! Not that! Not Scott Lobdell's boring, fucked up versions of the Silver Surfer and Galactus combined with bits of The Watcher.

This Apokoliptian Court needs more intrigue and dances and wigs and John Malkoviches.

Atlantis has fallen to Death so Aquawoman does what the World Army would in a losing situation: she launches the Armageddon Bomb. Or whatever Atlantis's equivalent to a doomsday device is. It's probably the Kraken. Or a giant squid that spins its tentacles really quickly so that it can fly and then spray hallucinogenic ink all over the world causing everyone to think their own flesh is made of delicious, gooey caramel.

And then Solomon Grundy returns to hassle Alan Scott. Because the Apokoliptian invasion wasn't enough! I suppose Grundy being the Avatar of the Grey (not to be confused with the Avatar of the Gray who is the avatar of fungus. Grundy is the Earth-2 Avatar of The Rot), he's going to be attracted to the death and destruction left behind in Pestilence's wake.

Some other things that happen: Dick and Babs decide to begin some kind of crime fighting unit in Chicago; Barda, Fury, and the Three Misters decide to infiltrate Apokolips and kill its living heart; Desaad reappears inside the Fire Pit in Geneva. None of it is terribly funny.

World's End #4 Rating: No change. Why is everything ending? Worlds and futures! At least Batman is eternal so we don't have to worry about him. But I am kind of worried about the pacing on this comic book and how much trouble it is to comment on when each thread of the plot reveals itself one or two pages at a time. I may have to change my style on my commentaries for this book and actually read the entire comic book before writing about it. What a pain in the ass you are, World's End! FUCK YOU!

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