Sinestro #6

I gazed at this cover for about fifteen seconds wondering where the story was going with this horned version of Sinestro before I realized it was a Monsters of the Month Variant.

It's times like these, when I pick up a new copy of Sinestro to read, that I think, "What the fuck am I doing with my free time?" After three years of reading every comic book of DC's New 52, I can't say that I'm enjoying it the way I did when I began with four months of new titles, filled with magic and mystery, stacked up helter skelter in my office. Now I know what I'm getting. And I especially know what I'm getting when I pick up Sinestro. A tepid, mediocre, bland take on the character where I'm sure to be reminded, at least once per issue, that Sinestro and Hal Jordan are truest friends and most hated enemies! That's when I say, "Get Lamp coin? Give me some advice!"

That's good advice! I'm glad the other side didn't come up since it says, "It is pitch dark and you can't see a thing."

While I've enjoyed doing these commentaries for the last three years (and I'm not sure how much I could have enjoyed DC's Comics without doing the commentaries), I need to make a change. I took Athena's advice yesterday and finally threw out my beat up, holes in both soles pair of pink ROOS I found in a used clothing store a few years ago. Now it's time to walk a different path for awhile. I still want to keep up the comic book commentaries in some form since I can't remember what's happening from month to month without it. If I give this up entirely, I'll probably just stop reading comic books again.

I'm not quitting today! And don't completely blame Cullen Bunn for this (although, really, he's to blame); I've been a bit burnt out for awhile, and I can't ignore how hard Judas's death hit me. If I can find whatever it was that let me not give a shit about each commentary back when I started so that I could actually get through four or five comic books per day, I'd like to maintain that level of review. I probably became too aware of my audience which caused me to stop writing completely for myself. I became too self-conscious when a commentary was just a general rehashing of the events even though that's exactly the reason this blog came into existence. So that I could look back and remember what happened the previous month before I read each new comic book.

So I'm going to work on finding a balance between comic book commentaries and a few other projects I'd like to work on during Issue #36 month. Maybe I'll find this is the thing that I enjoy above all of my other hobbies. But before I learn that, I have to read Sinestro #6. At least it's part of the Godhead story, so maybe it won't be excruciatingly mundane.

Is this going to become an Arctic/Antarctica situation?

Cullen Bunn has been consistent with New Korugar being in Sector 3567 (I think!) but some other Green Lantern writer placed it in Sector 3052 at some point. I don't know where that was or why so I can't back up my statement! I can only say that when I read it at the time, I remember thinking (and possibly commenting!), "I thought New Korugar was where Necropolis had been in Sector 3567?" It's possible the mix-up simply happened because Sinestro's hideout was in Sector 3052 and some writer and his or her editors had not been paying attention. I added the pronoun "her" because I'm sure at some point a woman will write a Green Lantern comic book.

The Yellow Lantern with the crazy eyes and the pointy chin begins reminding Sinestro how Sinestro was humiliated by a woman because that always seems to be helpful in most situations. Remind the sexist (probably racist), psychopathic, egomaniac control freak that he's a complete failure. Especially since it just happened a few minutes ago. "Hey, hey! Remember just now how that chick punked you! HA!" It's as if these characters know their story took a month long break and that the people observing it needed two wasted pages worth of reminder to sum up the action from last month. Hey DC?! How about you either add a free page that gives a plot synopsis to help readers catch up or just stop wasting ten percent of your comic book having the characters remind each other about events that just fucking happened to those characters?! I already paid $2.99 for that story last month. I think providing a 20% refund for fans that show proof of purchase of Issue #5 is the least you can do. I'll expect my sixty cents within the next fourteen business days. Thanks!

Is that a euphemism for oral sex?

Everybody thinks Sinestro wants to find this woman that attacked her so he can date her. I'm not sure where they're getting this feeling. Did he have a huge Parallax while battling her? And you can't tell his emotions by looking in his eyes since they just look like glowing yellow washers. And that moustache is just fucking stupid. And that military haircut is so severe. Is he trying to look like the kind of guy that smashes shot glasses into the faces of people minding their own business?

Sinestro consults his Magic 8 Ball to learn that death is spreading like an infection. I would have chosen sexually transmitted disease but then I read Death's pamphlet on HIV and I love to steal things other people say but get them completely wrong when I do it. Conveniently for DC Comics that wouldn't want the end of Godhead ruined by Sinestro's Magic 8 Ball, the darkness that consumes the future keeps her from seeing the future.

This issue is called "Sacrifice" which seems strange because Sinestro wouldn't know a sacrifice if the bloody altar it took place on bit him in the stupid moustache.

Sinestro has a spy inside of Arkillo's ring called Despotellis, another shitty name I won't remember. It's apparently nicknamed The Worldkiller. I guess because Warren Ellis loves to write about despotic world killers? I don't know if that's true but since I said it, it probably is.

The Worldkiller is a tiny little thing. Is its name supposed to be ironic? Like calling a fat guy Slim? Or does it manage to kill worlds because people see it and become paralyzed by how cute it is before it eats their faces? Anyway, Sinestro learns from it that the Indigo Lanterns and the Green Lanterns are currently being defeated by Bekka of New Genesis and her army. Bekka is Orion's girlfriend. Unless she isn't.

Sinestro fixes Arkillo's hand and gives him a fake Yellow Lantern Ring (like how he gave Hal one in the early issues of Green Lantern) so that Arkillo, the Kilowog of the Yellow Lanterns, can get a small band together to help the other Lanterns. For some reason.

Is that another euphemism for oral sex?

Somehow the Yellow Lanterns get from Sector 3567 to Sector 2814 instantaneously. It's as if the Indigo Lantern's power of teleportation isn't fucking special at all! Any Lantern can seemingly get anywhere in the universe in mere seconds. Who needs the fucking Indigo Lanterns? Compassion is for losers!

When did Isamot become a Yellow Lantern? Quit yellowwashing Green Lanterns, DC Comics!

It's a good thing the Yellow Lanterns arrive to fight the majority of the battle against the New Gods since the New Gods can't be defeated. The Yellow Lanterns have lots and lots and lots of faceless, strange creatures that can be used as fodder so it looks like the death toll was massive. That's probably why the Yellow Lanterns get the weirdest looking creatures. Because every time the reader sees one, you get the vague sense that you've seen that crazy three faced creature before but can't be sure that it's the exact three faced creature you saw die in an earlier issue.

But...but...but...?!

Does anybody else have a free copy of Sinestro they can send me so I can finish my commentary because I just tore mine in half and pissed on it.

Wait, I think I can salvage the last few pages. But I'm getting my own piss all over me just to finish this commentary! You all owe me.

Sinestro sets the rings of the worst of the Yellow Lanterns to self-destruct as the best of them retreat with the Indigo and Green Lanterns. Then lots and lots of warriors of New Genesis die covered in pieces of weird aliens, leaving Bekka as pissed off as her boyfriend. Maybe.

Sinestro #6 Rating: +1 Ranking. At least I wasn't bored by this issue, which is high praise for Cullen Bunn's Sinestro!