Sunday, November 2, 2014

Batman Eternal #29

This cover needs to be set to music. iTunes, give me a song! Really? Johnette Napolitano's version of "The Scientist"? Hmm, okay. It kind of works. It's also turned me into a quivering ball of sadness. Thanks a lot, iTunes!

I currently have iTunes set to display the songs by artist and the second song is Al Stewart's "The Year of the Cat." So now I have to listen to that before reading Batman Eternal. Also before reading the comic, here's evidence that my iTunes is constantly high.

No, iTunes! Those are not the same movie! Bad iTunes! I'm gonna rub your nose in the Underworld soundtrack!

Well I just wasted an hour listening to music now. But looking at the clock, I didn't waste any time at all! Maybe only seven minutes! I just traveled backwards through time! I should contact some scientists with my formula for time travel! First you listen to The Scientist, then Year of the Cat, then Bill and Annie by Chuck Brodsky, then Happy Birthday by Concrete Blonde, and finally a remix of The New Kids on the Block's Tonight! And whammo blammo! Time travel! I'm going to be rich!

Although I really only time traveled backwards about the amount of time it took to listen to those songs. So I guess you could just skip listening to the songs and just spend that time doing something else. Or I guess you could wash the dishes while listening to those songs and then travel back one hour to do something you'd rather have been doing. But then does that make the dishes dirty again? And do I have to watch my past self wash the dishes while I masturbate to pornographic cartoons on the television? And if I'm within hearing range of the songs, will I time travel back again? This house is going to get really crowded! And sticky!

Currently beneath Arkham Asylum (or is it Wayne Asylum now?), Blackfire (who is possessing Maxie Zeus) is fiddling with the Feng Shui of the catacombs by trying to find the right place to set up his new Jim Corrigan. And The Joker's Daughter is tormenting some whiner in a crate that apparently needs to go to the hospital. I hope it's not Batwing because the person in the crate sounds like a cowardly, faithless atheist.

My friend Soy Rakelson used to end most theological discussions between us with, "Where's your faith?" Well, Soy. I had to dispense with my faith to bolster my willpower just to keep from slapping that stupid fucking question right out of your face. "Where's your faith?" Fuck you, that's where! As if having great faith is something to aspire to! You might as well celebrate willful ignorance!

Oh! There's Batwing. Battling some underwater horror.

Batwing finally gets back in radio contact with The Jeezly Crow Batman to let Batman know that Arkham is fucked and Deacon Blackfire has come back from Hell. Instead of hanging up on Batwing thinking it's some sort of prank, Batman believes him. But now the World's Greatest Detective has a mysterious mystery on his hands: is Hush working with Deacon Blackfire? Or has Deacon Blackfire's return from Hell just happened to coincide with the biggest attack on Gotham since the last twenty big attacks on Gotham?

I know Batman is the World's Greatest Detective but that's because he knows how to delegate. So Penny-Two and the Bat-Computer get busy trying to figure out how Arkham is involved. The first step is to figure out The Riddler's cypher that Batwing found. The second step is probably to read the cypher after it's cracked so they can figure out the third step.

Batwing discovers Deacon Blackfire invoking his grand incantation on Jim Corrigan as the followers of Blackfire begin to break free of his thrall, and the Bat-Computer finishes breaking The Riddler's code. The message is, of course, enigmatic. For the reader, anyway! I'm sure The Batman will know what it means. And then Blackfire finishes his spell.

Vengeance for everybody!

Batman Eternal #29 Rating: No change. I don't feel like this issue gave me enough story! I suppose I could read the next issue but that would be violating the order of the stack. And I've already violated it too much by leaving the last ten September Futures End books for whenever I feel like finishing the Goggles story.

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