Uh oh! Somebody pissed off the Spider Women of Spider Island!
Back to Mister
I don't think the creative team eats a lot of lollipops because it isn't the sucking sound that annoys other people. It's the constant clicking of the lollipop against the teeth that drives them nuts. Although "suck, suck" is much funnier than "clickety clackety" and gets the message across better. Also every person reading is imagining a dick in Dick's mouth. By the way, I'm a sucker, not a hater. Um, of lollipops!
We haven't seen a lot from Checkmate in The New 52, so this could be interesting. Or it could just be a lot of "Get them, Pawns!" and "Yes sir, Rook sir!" and "Who let Bishop in the children's ward?!"
Meanwhile at Saint Hadrian's finishing school, a lot of curious girls are coming into their sexuality and practicing kissing on each other and practicing fucking on thick candles. Um, I think. That's what goes on in finishing schools, right?
Holy crap! There's a b-b-b-b-b-boy in the building! Where'd Matron lock up those candles?!
Dick probably won't think he's so lucky since he has a lot of secrets he's trying to keep from everybody at Spyral and Saint Hadrian's. These dripping young lasses might stumble upon one of his Bat Devices! And then where will he be? Oh! Probably having sex with an underage vixen that's blackmailing him into having sex with her or else she'll report him to Mister Minos! Gosh, what a horrible turn of events that would be!
Dick's sucker was actually a means to try to pick up some DNA samples from Mister Minos. I know a better way of sucking that would get a bigger sample! Um, anyway, the sucker was sent off to Batman for analysis and Bruce discovered that Mister Minos keeps a supply of tiny, hungry nanobots that eat all of his DNA so that he doesn't leave any forensic evidence anywhere. Gross. I bet Mister Minos just masturbates all over his office because he knows his little robots will clean it right up for him.
How cute. They're having a bit of a tiff.
Oh! They're college girls! Even better! I mean, obviously even better because of arbitrary laws about sexual activity and very specific ages!
Pornography should be my generation's "At your age, we had to walk uphill in the snow to school."
Old Tess: "When I was your age, I had to find my pornography in the bushes down the side of a steep creek covered in poisonous snakes and spiders! And we didn't get to pick what kind of porn we masturbated to! Oh no! Beggars can't be heterosexuals! If it was gay male porn, you just squinted a bit and pretended that was a woman's hairy asshole. Oh! Speaking of hair! I don't even know the first time I saw actual female genitalia and not just bush! I once found a magazine called "Girls Who Eat Cum" which was just shot after shot of penises shooting their load onto women's faces. Not a tit or snatch in sight! Did that stop me? By golly, no! I treasured that porn like it was, well, like it was porn! Porn was gold in those days! Oncet, and yes I meant oncet, I found a black and white porn cartoon of Santa's elves fucking Missus Claus. That was all I had for weeks and it was enough! I hid it in the branches of a fucking tree at my elementary school! Okay, I guess it was enough because I wasn't actually masturbating yet. But I could get a boner! Good god could I get a boner! A boner like you never saw before! Young and eager and straining at the waist band of my underwear! Giddy with the possibilities of future sexual adventures! Sexual adventures like, well, I don't know! I guess my ding dong would rub up on the woman's nether hair or something?"
Uh oh! They're onto Dick! Good thing Helena has a crush on him! She'll never rat him out!
Trade four inexperienced girls for one tiger of a woman like Matron? Baws yes!
Later, Dick gets reprimanded by Mister Minos for exposing himself to the young girls on campus.
Come and knock on our door! Take a step that is new! Where the faces are hers and spirals and unmemorable! Three's company too!
The issue ends with Helena getting Dick Grayson to chase her across the rooftops. Helena has an elementary school crush on Dick Grayson! Except Helena will know what to do once he catches her.
Grayson #4 Rating: I'm not rating the issues this month. I'm just revamping the rankings. Across four issues, Grayson has been a surprisingly charming and fun book. Tim Seeley and Tom King understand the character. They seem to have a plan to fit Dick Grayson into a world that he, at the most fundamental levels of his character, doesn't fit into. Plus Midnighter has been a supporting character!