Harley Quinn #11

For Halloween this year, I went as a grief stricken ball of tears and snot!

I have an idea for a new project but since I'm too busy with being lazy and thinking up new places to nap around the house, I'm going to sell it to one of you! I'll give you the idea here but you have to promise not to steal it and instead pay me fifty bucks when you use it. Here it is: a parody novel of Mark Z. Danielewski's Only Revolutions but in the voices of 90s Lobo and B:TAS Harley Quinn. And, of course it goes with having to be said because you'll probably fuck up the entire project, the historical references will all be lifted from DC comic book plots. You'll have to figure out what the theme is though because I won't spoil Danielewski's book for those that haven't read it yet. It's not some Holy Trinity thing like his first book, Why Do People Keep Leaving Me?. Only Revolutions is more like two halves of the brain trying to fuck into some semblance of individuality. Unless it's more about crazy love. Or maybe celestial bodies trying to bang? Seasonal affective disorder? I mean, I know what it is! I'm just, um, speculating to help you get in the right frame of mind before reading it! You should send me your thoughts on what that book is about so I can tell you if you're right or wrong!

Last issue Power Girl arrived because this comic book needed a guest star so readers wouldn't forget that it's part of DC Continuity and not just a story about a crazy murderer living with a tiny version of Danzig (tinier version, I mean!) and a boy that's a goat and a bunch of wax statues of murderers.

Holy crap! I don't know how old Madame Macabre is but she is fit!

Tinier Danzig and Mason Macabre head to the beach to help Harley Quinn pull Power Girl out of a crater.

And yet Mike-hole in his wheelchair was able to drag Supergirl down to the basement of his building all by himself? I know Kara has smaller boobs but that can't make much difference. I think that fucking shit-tipped-dick Mike-hole isn't being honest about who he really is! Probably a horrible super villain!

They drag Power Girl back to Madame Macabre's House of Lost Souls Paying Cheap Rent and, probably, pop out one of her boobs to take a picture to sell to TMZ. Or to just have on file to use against Power Girl when she's waving her heroism at Harley and Harley isn't in any mood to get beat down or put in jail. Although Power Girl isn't the type of woman to give a shit about people seeing her naked, so she probably wouldn't care who saw the photo. Oh, she'd definitely turn Harley into a piece of crackling with her heat vision simply for threatening her. But she wouldn't care about the nip slip photo.

Anyway, Harley doesn't seem the type that would do something that shitty. Sure, she kills jerks willy-nilly and feeds them to her dogs. She launches bags of shit across the city on a gigantic catapult on the roof. She puts hits out on herself when she's drunk. But she's not the type to fuck with an unconscious woman's body, no matter how curious she might be about the size of Power Girl's nipples and how they never seem to pop into the boob window.

I bet they couldn't even budge the material on Power Girl's suit. It has to be strong enough to withstand simply flexing her muscles and to keep her super dense boobs from flopping all over the place.

Power Girl wakes up long enough to let Harley Quinn know that she's lost her memory. Which means Harley Quinn gets to mold Power Girl into whatever personality she likes! And the personality she likes is "sidekick."

Once she regains her memory, Power Girl should keep the eye shadow.

Harley tells Power Girl her secret identity is Betty Burns, strongwoman in the freak show. This gives Power Girl an excuse to call Lois Lane a moron.

Sure, this is Making Fun of Secret Identities 101. But it's super adorable, right?

Harley and Power Girl go shopping because Betty Burns is going to need some secret identity clothes. I wonder when The Huntress is going to appear to ruin all of the fun?

After shopping, they go out to eat in the food court and I think Harley is about to ask Power Girl for oral sex when some guy begins shooting up the food court.

This is closer to how I've always imagined Sportsmaster than the way DC has always managed to portray him. And if that's The Clock King, this comic book must take place on a different world than the Green Arrow comic book!

Harley Quinn #11 Rating: +2 Ranking. I think this is what Harley Quinn should do with her comic book. Turn it into a Brave and the Bold or a DC Comics Presents format where Harley teams up with a new super hero or super villain every month. She's at her best when she gets to fuck around with well established characters ripe for parody. Tinier Danzig and Sy Borgman have been getting too much panel time in this comic book! I want super friends gracing every page of this thing!