Thursday, November 13, 2014

Batman Eternal #30

If only there were some famous quote that would fit this image so perfectly that it would be overdone so that I wouldn't want to use it anyway!

Last issue, Arkham Asylum was destroyed in a fount of existential vengeance! I think Madame Xanadu probably should have warned Batman that this could happen. You can't keep that many angry, insane, monstrous psyches underneath one roof without something suitably poltergeistian happening! Buildings are constantly subsumed by the psychic energies poured into reality by psychotic minds. It's a known fact that I'm fairly certain Neil deGrasse Tyson mentioned on Cosmos. Unless it was Carl Sagan that mentioned it on that other show, Cosmos. It's also possible I'm remembering something Velma said.

Also blasted by the Beam of Pure Vengeance: a passing 737 full of people willing to fly Lexair. Don't they know they're contributing to the downfall of Superman? Batman commands Penny-Two to launch the Batplane on autopilot and it will save the plane all by itself. That's convenient! And totally believable! What isn't believable is that Penny-Two has only recently sat down in front of the Batcomputer and she knows how to operate it without any extra help from Batman besides instructions like "Launch Batplane and execute plan Drag That Bitch To Safety."

Why is Alysia suddenly manning the Batcomputer? Shouldn't she be Penny-Three?

Oh wait! I know those tiny, weasel eyes! Fernando Pasarin is drawing this issue! Are you ready for some overly long torsos as well?!

I asked if you were ready!

Somebody in a suit with a smooth head approaches The Joker's Daughter while shushing her. I think it's either The Question or Black Mask. Probably Black Mask because The Question hasn't been very important to The New 52 so far even though he was cast as one of The Trinity of Sin who seem to be important for some reason that has never been articulated very well. It could also be her father with some new LexCorps technology strapped over his face so that he can grow a new one.

Why is Deacon Blackfire summoning every character that was ever in a Perry Bible Fellowship comic strip?

The Spectre finally awakens to tell Deacon Blackfire, politely yet firmly, that he will not be unleashing hell on Gotham. He also says it sensually because he has an enormous erection. I think. No wait, maybe that's his thigh? Or the crotch on some baggy pants? You know what? Forget about that. At least he's finally arrived to save the day! Although he's a bit too late to save Arkham Asylum.

The Spectre seals the portal to Hell and sends Deacon Blackfire back to wherever secondary characters go when they've done their job of advancing the plot past where they're needed. Batwing helps Jim escape while The Joker's Daughter goes off with her mystery date. And when I say "Batwing helps Jim escape," I mean he helps Jim escape while he remains trapped under the rubble of Arkham.

All the inmates inside of Arkham, including Alfred Pennyworth, die in the building's collapse. Except I read Arkham Manor #1 and Alfred wasn't dead in that even though it took place after this. So there is still hope for everybody! Plus, Bane was in the scene where Alfred was freaking out about the earthquake. And no way is Bane going to be killed!

Batman is on scene having just helped save the Lexair flight, so he goes running to the crater to help. While he does that, the Gotham Police arrive to arrest him and/or shoot him. What the fuck is wrong the the Gotham Police? Can people stop writing them as spineless, corrupt pawns that do nothing but abandon the good people of the city and ignore violent crime and villains while trying to kill and/or arrest the only person making a difference?

At the bottom of the crater, Batman encounters The Joker's Daughter who is all dressed up for Halloween as her father on the day he killed Jason Todd. It's pretty creative! But then the comic book ends without Alfred having been saved so I'm going to have to point out how editorial was wrong in Arkham Manor #1 about the events taking place after this issue. We've got at least one more issue to go because Alfred should probably be accounted for.

Batman Eternal #30 Rating: No change. In this issue, Arkham Asylum collapses and the Gotham Police are once again portrayed as dumb fucking assholes. That's pretty much it.

No comments:

Post a Comment