Green Lantern Corps #26

John just punched Guy in the face a few issues ago. He's been hanging around Supergirl too much.

I suppose this issue takes place pretty much on the heels of the Lights Out! Crossover since John hasn't been seen since then. I think. I don't recall seeing him team up to help Hal Jordan defeat PB Anj, so I suspect after he punches Hal in the face in this issue, he'll take off to go do his own thing. I have no idea what that thing will be seeing as how this comic book is titled Green Lantern Corps and Hal Jordan is the current leader of the Corps.

My mistake. I guess I just didn't recognize John while he was helping capture the Braidsmen. Or maybe he was in the toilet during the entire conflict. Although I do remember 2-6-8-1-7-9-5 being there!

John has been waiting for the Citadel from Oa (which turned out to be an escape pod) to return to Mogo with the wounded Green Lanterns that fled the battle against Relic. One of those Green Lanterns is the Star Sapphire, Fatality. While John waits sexcitedly for his reunion with Fatality, The Citadel comes crashing down on the planet where it is gently guided into Mogo's awaiting anus.

This kiss takes place within Mogo's anus.

Maybe Mogo does have an anus, you don't know! Mogo is a living planet! When's the last time you've done gobs and gobs of research on living planets, hunh? Yeah, probably never ever. So if I want to make a scientific guess that the hole which Mogo is able to open at will, like a sphincter, is an anus, I think that's just as plausible as the hole not being Mogo's anus. And since this is my commentary where I'm in total control and don't have to fear losing any anti-planet-anus sponsors, I'm going to call it Mogo's Anus. It is now a landmark on Mogo!

Once everybody on the citadel is safe and things seem back to normal, Raath or Raam or Grath or whatever the fuck his name is decides it's time to preach to John Stewart about how using the rings goes against God. "Blah blah blah end of all existence! Whine whine whine destruction of everything!" Jesus! Give it a rest already! At least John responds appropriately. No wonder he's the best Green Lantern even though everybody treats him like a second rate bitch and he always gets sent out to take care of the impossible jobs where lots of people die and he winds up feeling like a failure. It takes a strong man to take on those jobs!

See? John Stewart agrees with me! Relic's idiotic theory has still never been proven.

This argument between the Lanterns that take Relic's theory on faith and the ones that would like some actual proof reminds me of something I've wanted to mention which has no real context to comic books but it's been in my head lately so now I'm going to say it! So my friend, Bobby Henline, who was nearly killed in Iraq by an IED was an atheist until that tragic event. Afterward, he found Jesus and God or some Holy Spirit or something. I don't really know for sure because the one time he brought it up, he said, "I haven't told you my Found Story yet." And I responded with, "You mean your Fooled Story?" Yeah, I know that makes me sound like one of your cliche arrogant atheist dickholes but Bob and I have been friends since the third grade and our relationship relies on knocking the hubris out of each other on a nearly constant basis. He once shoved me over a bush while I had my hands in my pockets and I just barely managed to land on my shoulder instead of on my neck! And since I was just fine, we had a good laugh about it and how I must have looked flying toward the street frantically trying to pull my hands out of my pockets without any success. Anyway, Bob's fans and the people of his community love his inspirational story about finding Jesus. And I say, they can have him! I don't mind that when an atheist finds religion, it's almost always because of trauma. But when a religious person loses faith and becomes an atheist, it's almost always through logic and rational thought. The religious people usually think those that become atheists are somehow despairing but they should fucking know better. They're the ones that smell despair and weakness and swoop in with a properly timed, "Have you heard the word of Jesus?"

And since I mentioned "arrogant atheists," I should point out that we are not the arrogant ones. My disbelief does not do anything to your belief. Your beliefs don't matter to me. Just because I don't believe what you believe, that doesn't mean I'm insulting you or belittling you or negating your religion. On the other hand, I'm often thought of as a hellbound piece of shit sinner simply because I don't believe in Sky Cake. I suppose the reason atheists are seen as arrogant is because they believe they're actually in control of their lives while the religious see God as the one in control. So, yeah. I guess in that sense, I'm an arrogant bastard that believes the words I type came out of my electro-organic think organ as opposed to being fed divinely into my soul from on high.

Merry Christmas! Yes, I enjoy Christmas. Fucking deal with it. My favorite Christmas song is "All I Want Is To Hit A Red Dwarf" which is a mashup. But my favorite actual Christmas song is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." My favorite Christmas movie is About a Boy. My favorite Christmas Special is The Year Without a Santa Claus although How The Grinch Stole Christmas is pretty fucking good as well. I once wrote a deconstruction of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer that will cause you to never look at that show in a non-racist way again. Looking the article up on Google, I notice I wrote it on December 6th, 2000. Since then, a lot of people have also been writing on the racism of Rudolph although I don't think any of the ones I read really broach the subject as well as I did. I even get the distinct impression some of my shit was stolen by these other people! And probably because of the character I used to write the piece! "Golly gee, this here article makes some really well-thought out points. But the language and spelling will probably keep people from really getting anything out of it. He probably won't mind if I steal some of these ideas and write them up in a proper English article, pip pip!"

I probably wouldn't write an article in a stereotyped voice like this at this point in my life but at the time, it really gave me the freedom to try to look at America with a different set of eyes. I didn't write all of the articles by The Cavortin' Bastard but I'm still proud of a few of the ones I did write, most especially the Rudolph article, the X-Files article, and my thoughts on September 11th written just four days later which encapsulated my feelings which I still feel today. It's easy to look back on what you believed when you're thoughts and actions are motivated by rational thought instead of motivated by fear or political maneuvering.

Anyways, that's a small glimpse into some of the shit I was doing thirteen years ago. If you have a problem with any of it, you can email it to the guy who wrote it thirteen years ago.

Back to Green Lantern, Salaak has gotten word that the Khund have given Jruk's homeworld of Oranx an "offer" of protection. So Jruk, Feska (who should probably check in on her son soon), and Arisia are chosen to go deal with that situation in a nice, calm, talky-talky way. While they do that, John and Hal are going to have a "talk." I put talk in quotes because remember the cover!

Meanwhile, those fucking Durlans are everywhere!

Arisia and Feska learn that Oranx is a Dismemberocracy where politicians fight to the death to decide who has the better way of running things. What a dream system! Anyway, the councilors are about to decide whether or not they will ally with the Khunds. The decision will be made by combat to the death although things might change now that Jruk and the other Lanterns are here. Since this is a Green Lantern Corps book, they can't just sit on the sidelines watching the violence! They are going to have to partake of it!

But first there's that other combat to get to! You know the one! The one portrayed on the cover! Between Hal and John! Geez, aren't you paying attention? Maybe I shouldn't speak directly to the reader as if you were an unperceptive moron. That probably drives away potential followers, doesn't it? Oh, fuck it! Who cares?! I'm not writing this for you anyway! I'm writing this for future me so that I can remember all of these stupid comic books!

Man. There's a lot more pain in John in that last panel than has been alluded to in The New 52.

This is where The New 52 really kind of falls apart. I haven't been given enough information to really get a read on John's "It shouldn't have been you, Hal!" But that line makes me think John has been terribly hurt by Hal's actions in the past and John just can't understand how the Guardians have put this man in the top spot. I know he's scared for Guy and he's concerned for Yrra and those things are directly related to Hal's actions as well. So maybe that's all there is. But the way Green Lantern has really kind of continued from the Preboot to the Reboot without any real changes, it makes me feel like I'm really missing something else between these two.

"...everything except the will to rebuild."

These two pages are a really fucking nice moment between these two guys. I especially like Hal's "I deserved that. Probably" line. And the idea of keeping John the Architect around to rebuild. I like seeing these two patch things up and would love to see Guy Gardner amongst them. Kyle I really don't care about. He's fine off flying about with the Bohemian Guardians and Carol Ferris! Anyway, John sticks around to plan the new home of the Green Lanterns and Mogo creates it.

Meanwhile on Oranx, Arisia is having that moment I had earlier where I said the Green Lanterns can't just sit and watch! But that's what they're doing! Sitting and watching! And Arisia is complaining about it! While Jruk is telling Arisia that they can't interfere, Feska assassinates one of the gladiators. Of course with all the Durlans running around, we all know it isn't really Feska. She's still walking off her anger at Jruk treating her like shit earlier that I didn't mention because of patriarchal reasons. So Feska is probably in big trouble. And maybe Arisia and Jruk too!

The diplomatic mission kind of falls apart at this point and even though Jruk gets his ring to prove that a Green Lantern was not behind the assassination, Vrokull (the Durlan disguised as an Oranxian) declares that they will ally with the Khund to protect them from the Green Lanterns. Jruk knows this place is no longer his home, a place that would not believe his friend Feska, a place that would threaten to kill her. He flies off hand in hand with Feska to head home to Mogo. Umm, Arisia third wheels along with them.

And back on Mogo, a bunch of Durlans have already infiltrated the Green Lantern Corps' new home and are planning their plan to destroy the Green Lanterns.

Green Lantern Corps #26 Rating: +3 Ranking. I think Van Jensen and Robert Venditti have some pretty tight control on this comic right now. I like that Stewart doesn't quite buy into Relic's theory but he's going to have to deal with those that do. And I like that John even mentions how some Lanterns are afraid to head into space because their rings might fail them. Because the problem with the rings really was never satisfactorily solved. We could assume that after the Spectrum was refilled that they just went back to working. But the causal link was never actually established so, really, the smart thing would be not to find yourself in the vacuum of space just in case these rings aren't quite fixed. Plus John knows he needs to deal with training the new recruits and figuring out how to help Guy. He's got a lot on his plate in the upcoming months and most of it will probably be ignored as the Durlans wind up attacking. Anyway, I have good feelings for the future of this series.