Wait wait! Let me guess! He spilled a Junior Chemist Chemistry Set on himself just as he received a static shock while kissing his cousin.
I bet Scott Lobdell is a really fun guy. Boy, if I ever got the chance to hang out with him, my entire blogging career would be ruined since it's solely based on bashing Lobdell. I should probably come up with a second gimmick! Maybe I should start cyber-stalking Scott Snyder.
The armed people are rebels that Kid Flash (Bar Tor) once led. But he seemingly betrayed them, was placed in the Witness Protection Program where they wipe your memory and shoot you off into the past to have sex with one of your own great grandparents. While he was gone, he left a man named Rain in charge. This guy believes Bart is a traitor but Bart believes Rain is a traitor and his men are ingrates. So they probably should all sit down and sort this crap out.
I just ate a whole bag of Sour Patch Kids Extreme and now my stomach hurts.
No, it was revealed in Teen Titans Annual #2 that Kon didn't make it because this is Jon! Oh wait. I see what you meant. "Didn't make it" as in "got fucking dead and shit." Way to spoil Superman #25, you asshats.
I think this is a good time for the obligatory comment about how fucking stupid Raven's costume is.
Then Tim Drake begins playing Wheel of Fortune with his sentences.
It's a Before and After Puzzle! Even throwing in an extra period doesn't make this shit work. "No one wants to get back more than me but that's not going to happen. If we push her too far, Cassie, we're never going to get back to Earth." Or: "No one wants to get back more than me but that's not going to happen if we push her too far, Cassie. We're never going to get back to Earth." Red Robin, your mind got rattled during your time flip-flopping.
Would it? Why does being on Earth matter? Your father isn't bound to it.
Some military people show up to take Kid Flash into custody for mysterious reasons that everybody keeps sort of mentioning to build the tension until we can find out what Kid Flash did that has made the rebels and the rulers hate him so much! One of the soldiers wants to kill him but the lead soldier has orders to bring him in alive so she kills the soldier instead. Really? That seems pretty fucking appropriate. That's why it's important to follow orders, kids! Don't join the military if you think you're going to act upon your own conscious!
Kid Flash is strapped to a Holoprog machine which lets everybody see his memories. I don't know why these soldiers sent him back in time if they now need to see his memories. I'm sure it all makes sense if you actually care about this comic book. So anyway, we get to see one memory of Kid Flash in a green outfit with blood all over him kneeling atop a pile of skulls. Off somewhere else in the complex, Jon-el is choking the shit out of Wonder Girl. And then the Trial of Kid Flash doesn't begin because it's going to begin next month. Yeah, I bet.
Teen Titans #25 Rating: No change. Does anybody actually care about Kid Flash's origin story anymore? Each month, I suppose Scott Lobdell figured, "I'll think up something good before this month is over!" And then Tyler Kirkham starts bugging him for pages while Lobdell still hasn't thought up a good Trial of Kid Flash story, so Lobdell vamps and starts sending Kirkham yet another script that has nothing to do with Kid Flash. This is why writers need to plan stories instead of waiting for the stories to surprise the writers, Mr. Lobdell. Get your fucking act together and stop writing scripts in the same way that everybody writes college term papers: at the last fucking second.