Larfleeze #5

Initially, my favorite Orange Lantern was Pharaoh Nanotoknonnen. But I'm really becoming partial to Noface Korean Ghost Monster.

This is a terrific cover because it tells you everything you need to know about last issue. Also it's painted quite nicely. I suppose you might also want to remember Dyrge, the Emo God from the other universe full of incestuous gods. I know when I say it like that, it makes it sound like a mirror universe to ours. But that one was destroyed by these gods so they had to come over to the New 52 and pee all over this party too. Not that this party has been going so well. If only DC had concentrated as much on "character building" as they did on "world building" when they began this thing, it might be more interesting as a whole. As it is, I don't really find the majority of titles compelling. Maybe that's just what happens when you force yourself to publish fifty two different titles each month. It definitely means you need a lot of writers, so you wind up having job openings for people like Scott Lobdell and Ann Nocenti. I hope nobody misquotes me and says, "Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea was heard to say, '...people like Scott Lobdell and Ann Nocenti.'"

Speaking of liking Scott Lobdell, you should head over to his Facebook Fanpage and help him get to 1000 Likes! I just checked and he's at 980! Come on! His Teen Titans sells tens of thousands of copies a month! How can he not have 1000 Likes yet! Get with it, people! He's an important Writer! Give him some credit! And tell him Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea sent you!

Currently, Larfleeze has had his ring taken away and he's chained in a cage listening to his ex-Orange Lanterns plan how they're going to go about torturing him. During the conversation, everybody's name is used so the reader can catch up on who's who. But I'll just forget that the Twi'lek is named Clypta and Glomulus is named Glomulus and the Space Tapeworm is named Nat Nat and Pharaoh Nanotoknonnen is named Warp Wrap and Noface Korean Ghost Monster is named Sound Dancer and the "minotaur" (that's a cross between a minotaur and a centaur!) is named Ceebiss and the Neckbearded Elephantopus is named Tammal Tayn.

I bet the first place he builds is a gaming shop with lots of tables and coolers full of soda where he can hang out with a handful of people obnoxious enough to drive out new people who walk in thinking, "I'd love to start gaming in a place like this while meeting new people! But, umm, hmm...not those people." Because nothing says "Good time!" like arguing over a game of Magic the Gathering about the perfect character build to eke out every possible advantage in a game of Dungeons and Dragons that is never going to be played because nobody at the table actually likes role-playing with each other. Also, the new rules suck. And so do the old rules. Seriously, who wants to sit around playing games with four or five other Devil's Advocates who "actually" everything said by everyone ever?

Meanwhile on the World of Suicidal Edwardian Robots, Pulsar Stargrave learns that something called The Council of Ten threatens his new master, The Wanderer, and her sister/brother/uncle/aunt/mother/fathers. I guess making the mystery antagonist a number opens up future story possibilities, especially The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo plot device. So you have Lobdell's "Thirteen" which has probably been long forgotten by everybody who doesn't hold Lobdell accountable for every plot thread he starts, and you have Lobdell's "Twenty" which he mentioned and then actually did something with so he might still deal with "The Thirteen" unless I've got that number wrong since it's been so long since the Star Wars episodes of Red Hood and the Outlaws. And now you have the Council of Ten because I couldn't think of any more examples. But I'm sure there are more!

The House of Tuath-Dan is like an incestuous version of The Endless. I just like typing "incestuous."

So far I really like Dyrge but I think my favorite will wind up being Errata.

Back on The New Home Planet of the Orange Lanterns, Larfleeze learns from a hallucination his real history that he's forgotten because he's been lying to himself and everyone around him for billions of years. The real history does not make him look good. But it does explain why he was chosen to be the one and only Orange Lantern.

You say selfish, I say survivor.

Larfleeze falls apart after learning the truth of his actions. He still wants to believe that he's a hero and that everything he does is for the benefit of others. Why shouldn't he own everything? Everybody loves him and they want him to be happy and successful! His selfishness creates a bubble of self-confidence that keeps him from questioning anything he does. His greatest delusion is that other people see him the same way that he sees himself.

Larfleeze #5 Rating: No change. Why is the world so cold? No, not metaphorically cold! I'm fucking freezing my ass off and I'm sheltered within a slightly more than ramshackle house! Why are there so many drafts? Can't somebody laminate this place to keep the wind from getting in? How am I supposed to concentrate on reading comics when it feels like ghouls keep caressing various body parts? And why does the cat behind me keep screaming at me, setting off the cat in my lap to return the yell?! And to top it all off, I've had a foreign object in my eye since last night! How do you get that shit out of there?! Stupid eyeballs! If only there were an internal, biological mechanism to wash stuff out of your eyes.