On Earth 16, Darkseid is a goat.
Hmm. Maybe one Darkseid Goatman is problem enough.
Soon, Animal Man finds himself fighting side by side with the aliens speaking in the crazy fonts against Darkseid Goatman. I wonder if these guys are with Justice League Canada?
Animal Man and his new alien buddies run for cover, hiding in a tiny cave which the gargantuan Darkseid Goatman cannot fit into. Buddy decides he should probably make friends with the other creatures trapped in the cave with him.
Why would you try to shake its hand? You just ripped off one of its tentacles with that hand! How does it not see this as a threatening gesture?! I would pull out my penis and swing it around to mime, "See? I've got tentacles too?!" No, on second thought, it might decide to get even and rip it off.
I mean "Bridgewalker"!
The name Bridgewalker sounds like the English translation of a euphemism for gay that's used by people in a foreign country. Like how in Germany one of their phrases for homosexual is "he's from the other side of the shore." Bridgewalker sounds maybe like its a literal translation of this alien race's slang for bisexual.
Bridgewalker goes into a long spiel about how Animal Man has now been chosen to be the next Bridgewalker on the Seed Planet which is the source of all the power behind the Red and the Green across the entire universe and how if the Seed Planet ever dies all life will die and how the Bridgewalker keeps it safe and blah blah fucking fuck me blah blah blah. It's all layers, man! You thought you were the shit master of everything, didn't you, Daddy-o? But nooooo! You later learned the Totems were the big boys on the block! But guess what?! Even they don't know that there's something greater! A living planet of semen, bitch! Your ass is now master of the Planet of Seed! Now keep it safe or else everybody in the universe will be shooting blanks when they orgasm and females will be releasing little shells of nothing into their uteri each month! Unless it works differently on other planets which why should it if there's a Master Seed Planet behind them all?! Right?
Maybe! But Buddy Baker responds with a "Fuck that shit!" and Bridgewalker is all, "NO?! Did you just refuse, motherfucker?!"
And then Bridgewalker is all, "Oh, yeah, I see your point. Fuck. Sorry, dude."
Animal Man #26 Rating: No change. Bridgewalker is a fucking idiot. He calls together a bunch of Green and Red Avatars from all over the Universe to fight in some kind of cosmic deathmatch to see who will replace him. And for some reason he calls Buddy and Buddy wins. Buddy isn't even an Avatar of the Red! He's just a chump! A tool! A nobody! It should have been Maxine that wound up on The Seed. I suppose news travels slowly in The Red and The Green since even The Seeder still thought Buddy was the Avatar when he decided to try to kill him. There might also be an age limit to live on a planet made of semen, eggs, seeds, and pollen. What if Buddy had allergies? I bet a visit to The Seed Planet would have made his head explode.