Swamp Thing is acting less dramatic than me when around smokers.
Hey! This comic book has a Teen Plus Rating! That means the commentary has to be Teen Plus enough to attract the cool kids! And cool kids love masturbation stories!
Hmm. Who else can I piss off by saying I hate a group they fit into? How about Mexicans?! Man, I can't stand how they live in Mexico and speak Spanish. It's so annoying when I go to a Mexican restaurant and half my dinner plate is covered in rice and beans! It's like, what do they expect? To actually fill me up by paying a reasonable amount while listening to jaunty music? And what's with the salsa and jalapenos? Stop serving me such delicious stuff, you generally shorter than the average American fuckers! Could you at least stop deep frying your tortilla chips? Because you're making me fatter than I find comfortable!
But just when I'm stuffed and slightly drunk on margaritas and fuming and ready to let loose with a slew of racial epithets, I'm served fried ice cream. Holy fuck! How do you do that?! What kind of Central American Magic did you bring with you to this country?! Oh, you know I can't stay filled with false hatred for you!
Wow, that was awful of me. I just reduced a whole culture to the Americanized version of their restaurants. Go ahead. The "Unfollow" button is right up there in the corner. I deserve it. There are just some things you shouldn't be flippant about. And Mexican food is one of them.
So, who's left that wants to hear about Swamp Thing? Hands?
Hey now. You watch it in public, Mister.
The Seeder also uses magic shortcuts because the seed he plants grows a whisky tree and I'm almost certain that Whisky Trees went extinct ages ago.
One famous monster? Is he talking about Grant Morrison?
It's like having Jesus enter you in front of the whole congregation!
But this is why I really want a Whisky Tree!
Inhibitions? What are those?
While John and Swamp Thing discuss how to deal with the tree, the revelers go from merry to maudlin to murderous. I think the Whisky might have gone bad. Can whisky go bad? I know it's already gone bad which is why it's good. But what about whisky plucked from a tree like a fruit? Can that ferment and become Super Whisky?
I should comment on the bloody spectacle happening at the revelry because I love The Swamp Thing for being a horror comic book and I don't want to simply pass up the horrific moments with a few offhand remarks. The conflict takes a typical drunken conflict where somebody might get a tooth knocked out and immediately escalates it into a skull crushing, boot stomping gore fest. And all the other sots watch with glee as a man is murdered. It's mostly disturbing in how quickly the conflict turns from a bunch of guys laughing it off to a bunch of maniacs full of bloodlust.
Suddenly I don't want a Whisky Tree. I don't even want a Loquat Tree anymore.
Swamp Thing #22 Rating: +1 Ranking. Charles Soule has a bit of a carefree take on The Swamp Thing which I really like and find refreshing. And I can't get enough of the plants treating him like a rock star. Well, I suppose eventually I'll get enough of that. But I like it so far! And Constantine turning into an actual threat that Swamp Thing is going to have to deal with is a nice touch. I thought maybe this would be a short story with The Swamp Thing defeating The Seeder at the end but it looks like The Seeder is going to be Swamp Thing's Arch-nemesis for the long haul. He'll defeat Constantine and then probably have to head back to deal with Cappucino before heading off on another quest to stop The Seeder.