Batwing #22

Really? Evil? Isn't that being a bit harsh and judgmental? Shouldn't it read, "Father and Son in the clutches of a philosophical viewpoint that differs radically from their own"?

Every month, I do not look forward to Batwing. He's like a straight C student. He's forgettable. Every time I grab Batwing off the top of my stack to read, I think, "This is still being printed?" Right now, I'm more interested in the copy on the back of the box of the raisins I'm eating. Did you know Sun-Maid is giving away a free book about raisins for their 100th Anniversary? Oh yeah! The book will answer all of your questions about dried fruits: "their unique characteristics, their history, and how they are grown, processed, marketed, and enjoyed throughout the world." Sounds fucking fascinating, that. If you can't wait to find out the cultural impact the raisin has had on our world, you can find out more at Sunmaid's website.

This issue is called "Daddy Issues." Oh, Lucas Fox has those too? Maybe I can identify better with him than with David Zavimbe. Although he had some pretty crazy daddy issues of his own, being an orphan and his main fatherly role model was a genocidal warlord. Maybe my problem with David was his daddy issues were way too severe. My dad was just a drunk that wasn't around very often! At least he didn't make the rivers of Africa flow red from the blood of the children.

Currently, Lucas's quiet evening at home with his family has been interrupted by a Termite Man invasion in the house.

The Marabunta kind of look like the red ant from The Pink Panther Cartoons. And David's Batwing suit sort of looked like the blue aardvark from that cartoon!

Here's a joke I remember from the elementary school playground: "What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on the ant? Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead aaaaaaaaaannt." It doesn't work as well in print.

Lucas is freaked out because he thinks the Termite Man have discovered he is Batwing and that's why they're attacking. But he's forgetting who his dad is! Obviously they need some kind of technology from Lucius Fox and are merely crashing through the windows to kidnap him. Lucas should really try to relax and stop being so narcissistic. Not every thing is about Batwing! Sheesh.

Lucas gets his ass whupped and gets called a boy. Oh fuck. These Termite Man are in for a world of fucking hurt. In a few hours when Lucas wakes up.

Shouldn't Lucius Fox's home be equipped with its own Batsignal?

Lucas has Batman training so the laser shot he took in the back only keeps him down long enough for his father and mother to be kidnapped by the Termite Men. And Lucas can't go after them as Batwing without looking like a complete failure as a son. He decides to hang around and help his family through their emotional crisis instead of hurting their feelings to save his dad.

Three days previous, Bruce Wayne was threatened by the fop owner of Seclorum. The company has something to do with diamonds and the owner, Atticus Fontaine, wants to buy back the mine that Bruce Wayne just purchased at a huge discount due to its previously being run by a half-man, half-lion God that didn't give a shit about international law. Bruce doesn't sell because Bruce loves money and he loves making enemies. He's the fucking Goddamned Batman, Mr. Atticus Fontaine. You're lucky he didn't punch your jaw off simply because you were associating with somebody who was breaking the law.

That interlude was so everybody would understand exactly why Lucius Fox was kidnapped. Because Batman is an arrogant bastard that doesn't give a shit about the safety of his employees! Although reading the Preboot Batman, Incorporated, it gave me more background on Batman tying Bruce Wayne's identity so close to his own. Catwoman, of all people, questions him about it. His answer is pretty much, "If they fuck with Bruce Wayne, they're fucking with Batman." So he wasn't too worried about it. Until Alfred was kidnapped!

So now Lucius Fox has been kidnapped in an attempt to change Bruce Wayne's mind about selling the mine. And while Luke pokes around his dad's access terminal to Wayne Enterprises, he learns that his dad does all the research and development on Batman's toys. Does that mean Luke will be able to open up to his father that he's Batwing?

Batman isn't able to keep Batwing from joining the hunt so it becomes a Bat-Team-Up. It's about this time that I learn another way Batman planned on keeping his employees safe.

If all senior members have a tracer implanted in them, doesn't that mean Bruce Wayne should have one too? I suppose for security reasons, nobody would be able to access the tracer information except in an emergency. But how many times has Bruce Wayne gone missing and nobody thought it odd that nobody else was activating his tracer? I don't think Bruce Wayne thought this thing all the way through. Or, luckily, nobody else at Wayne Enterprises has!

As they sneak aboard the Termite Man ship, Batwing mentions that his father will stop making Batman's tech if Lucius finds out his son is Batwing. So I guess my hope for a bonding over the Batman moment is never going to happen. But that also just means Batman's choice of a new Batwing was stupid. He's pissing all over his own bed. Is that the saying? He's shitting in his pantry? He's masturbating in a pile of his clean clothes?

What I'm trying to say is, his whole gig relies on Lucius and his creations and he's willing to risk it all by hiring Luke as Batwing? That just seems silly.

The Termite Men (and Women! I'm not letting those asshole Termite Women off the hook just because I'm using "men" as a non-gender specific inclusive term) begins stealing Lucius Fox's memories. They're just going to download every embarrassing thing Lucius has ever done and then sift through a lifetime of memories to get to the weapon information they really want. That was just speculation because I don't know how they can simply suck out specific memories to have instant access to. Oh wait! Yes I do! It's a comic book!

While that's happening, Batman and Batwing get to meet the newest Termite in the army: Termite Monster Man! Or Termite Monster Woman! Or Termite Neutral Gender Monster! Or Termite Pangender Monster! Or Termite Monster Trans Woman! Or Termite...you know what? I'm going back to using Termite Monster Man as an all-inclusive term. I thought we were all supposed to be coming together, not pulling apart with all of these labels. What language should really do is find a new word for "man" when you're speaking of exclusively "men" and allow the word "man" to remain a catch-all for all humankind. From here on out, I will refer to myself as a "moman". I think "he" and "his" and "him" should be the same way. Us momen should give up the generic male pronouns as the inclusive pronouns for everyone since that's how they've been used historically. I think the male pronoun should be "pe" and "pim" and "pis". Or, you know, we can keep it how it's always been and just use the third person pronouns all of the time!

I think Batwing is going to get pis ass kicked.

Batwing #22 Rating: Change? For Batwing? No way. I just don't feel any kind of attachment to this character! I shouldn't even have it on my ranking list at all since I can't say good or bad things about it! It's currently low on my list but that's because I just don't feel anything for the character. Is it a good comic book? I don't know! If I were to drop one comic book a month, it would be Batwing! Yes, I'd keep reading the Scott Lobdell comic books because at least they make my head explode. This book just makes me sleepy.