Green Lantern #22

Blatant cross-promotional tie-in foil cover trading card collector's edition issue.

I'm actually sort of surprised that Larfleeze #1 wasn't released with fifty two variant covers and each of those variant covers released with foil, embossed, three dimensional, moving, and glow-in-the-dark covers. DC should have at least promoted all of those covers and then simply released the normal version with a press release that Larfleeze bought up all the rest.

What I'm saying is that comic book companies should lie to their customers more often.

This issue is called "'Green' Lanterns." Get it?! They're new recruits! So they're green in two different ways! It's a good thing I'm here to point out these things!

Last issue, Hal Jordan was disappointed in the looks of his new recruits simply because they were small in stature and cute and fuzzy, not to mention super sexy if we're talking about the one with the octopus face. RAWR! This issue begins with Hal Jordan screaming at these poor new recruits.

Oh shit! Sharknado!

My favorite alternate "Sharknado" type movie title was written by The Tweet of God on Twitter: "Tarantulavalanche." Not only is it an awesome word; it's also super duper terrifying!

I suppose Hal is being hard on the new recruits because he doesn't want them to die like that other one died. One of them died last issue, right? Oh no! He died "soon" and not "now"! Good thing I can't remember which one (I'm pretty sure it's the schwa looking one!) so it'll be a surprise when it happens again! So now these new recruits need to figure out the rings on the fly! Oh, they also have to figure out how to fly!

This one is my new hero.

Jim Shooter: "Are you kidding? Your new hero?! This is ridiculous! Green Lanterns are a serious, cosmic police force and they're engaging in slapstick?! And why the fuck is Mel Jordan's head sticking up outside of the panel?! DC is awful!"

Saint Walker and a Star Sapphire that I've never been introduced to join the battle against Larfleeze. All the power rings short out for a brief moment but when they kick back in, the Star Sapphire is ripped apart by Larfleeze's Orange Constructs. No wonder I was never introduced to her! The ring heads out to look for a replacement and decides the female prisoner that was pitching woo with the Warden of the Sciencells should be the next Star Sapphire. He opens the cell, the ring transforms her into a Star Sapphire, and she murders him.

This reminds me of this song.

Grabbing that link wasted a good thirty minutes as I watched a bunch of Concrete Blonde videos and an interview with Johnette. When people ask what my favorite whatever is, I generally can only give a list of the top five or ten favorite things in whatever category simply because they all change so often with my mood and where I'm at in life. But Concrete Blonde has been my favorite band for twenty three years now. Longer if I include having heard God is a Bullet on 21 Jumpstreet and having the song stuck in my head for a number of years before I discovered it was Concrete Blonde who sang it. That happened my first year in college at Portland State University. A friend of mine left his Doors tape in my room. It was taped off of an album with another band, Concrete Blonde, on the other side. The next day when I hopped in the shower, I thought, "Let's see what this Concrete Blonde sounds like." To my surprise, a familiar song came blaring out of my ghetto blaster. I had finally found the band! The next day, I took the Max down to Lloyd Center (this was before it was an enclosed mall! Holy long ago!) and picked up Bloodletting. I've now seen Concrete Blonde three times and Johnette alone once during a free lunchtime concert in Pioneer Place in downtown Portland. Hearing that voice live simply brings tears to my eyes.

Wait! Who was my favorite Green Lantern? Because I lied! It's octopus face! Move over Vampire Tig and Emerald Empress! I have another comic book crush!

Doesn't it look like Kilowog is disemboweling and feasting on the Orange Construct he's fighting? I bet Orange Lantern Light tastes like orange cream. Mmmmm!

I love these fight scenes! There's just so much to look at and Billy Tan is doing a wonderful job! The art is detailed and crisp and gorgeously colored, so kudos to Rob Hunter, Jon Sibal, and Alex Sinclair! I don't often mention the colorists and that's a shame because they do so much work. But I'm still learning to be a proper fan and just barely remember the names and stylings of the pencillers! Learning the colorists is like a Master's Level Course and I'm still just a sophomore! I may have been reading comics for about thirty years but I've never been very good at learning the history and remembering names except of my very favorites.

Oh, and Robert Vendetti's writing is fun! I'm thrilled DC found this man and hope they keep him happy. I'd love to see him stick to Green Lantern for a really nice long run. Maybe not a Geoff Johns sized run! But a couple dozen issues would be nice!

Hal Jordan's plan is to send out the impounded ships on Oa and fool Larfleeze into thinking they're fleeing with lots and lots of goodies. Larfleeze confuses his own army by commanding them to be in two places at once, and that's when the Green Lantern Corps attacks and defeats them! Larfleeze retreats with a typical, "I'll be back!" and nobody celebrates because the dead Star Sapphire is lying right there in the middle of everything and ruining everybody's good time.

Green Lantern #22 Rating: +3 Ranking. What more can I say? I'm really enjoying Green Lantern now that Geoff Johns is off it and I don't need to know ten years of story to understand what the fuck is going on!