Green Lantern Corps #22

Last issue, I was hoping John Stewart's days of tragedy were behind him. I guess he's still not allowed to be happy.

After about 8000 scans and 1 Gigabyte of information across the last year and a half, my scanner has finally decided to call it quits. It's not totally dead but I have to learn some new sailing knots to tie into the cord to keep it working. And then I can't move a muscle as it scans. And I have to hope fucking Alex next door doesn't start hopping around on his pogo stick. I have ordered a new cord via Amazon, so all should be well and good in a few days.

And let me just say this about the newest travesty America decided to think up this week: fuck Florida and fuck George Zimmerman and fuck his attorneys and fuck the jurors and fuck everybody who says, "We don't know what really happened." A grown ass man decided to follow and confront a teenager because that grown ass man felt brave with his gun as back-up and when Trayvon Martin "Stood His Fucking Ground" which, according to fucking Florida, was his Goddamn fucking right, this coward shot him dead. Reasonable doubt gets this prick off when he showed no reasonable doubt that Trayvon was up to no good which should have led to him leaving him the fuck alone? Fuck him and everybody involved. I will no longer acknowledge Florida or any business headquartered there. If I owned an American Flag, I'd get out my blue sharpie and start filling in one of the stars. Everything about Florida sucks!

Except for you, Florida readers. Y'all are okay.

Whew! That was a close one! But what are the odds that people from Florida can read anyway? My dad lived in Florida until he was two years old and didn't learn to read until the family moved to Georgia. Experiential proof of illiteracy!

Oh! The manatees are pretty cool too! And Cape Canaveral is kind of neat. I suppose the people who work there probably know how to read. I wonder if manatees watch shuttle launches and dream of exploring space one day themselves?

Forgetting Earth problems and turning toward Deep Space, the Zimmermans Zamarons are having trouble with their main power battery. What is going on with all the batteries and rings and shit?! Is this a byproduct of the Guardians being killed? The head Zamaron seems to think that some creature named Predator that used to live in the Main Power Battery has been gone from it too long, causing the light in the battery to dim.

Umm. Hmm. That's a weird thing to have living in the Love Battery! A registered sex offender? I guess it might be a prison which feeds off of the prisoner. Sort of how the Guardians fed off of Volthoom and how Parallax lived inside the Green Power Battery. Unless I have that wrong. Which I probably don't! And if somebody corrects me, I'll just edit their commentary so it says, "You're an absolute genius, Eee!" Only my best readers call me Eee!

You'd think my scanner was still broken with this serious lack of pictures!

Maru can speak with his ring! Now he can fly back to Rhoon and tell the other Rhoonians to suck it forever!

All of the new recruits get a nice little cameo as John chews them out. At least he didn't call them a bunch of Poozers. Because that's fucking racist. I think.

John gets the lowdown on Hal's promotion and the wonky batteries and Guy's defection and Kilowog's new job before he's ready to leave. But before he can skedaddle, Kilowog recruits him for a job repairing a dam on some dam world. And he has to take the new recruits along for a little training session.

Meanwhile on a moon of Cheorg, this doesn't really happen:

This Durlan pretending to be John called Fatality "babe". Which nobody does!

I'm not even sure Fatality knew this wasn't John. She just knew nobody was calling her babe and getting away with it. But I do know I'm never going to believe another DC comic book cover again because they're full of lies and shape-shifters! I also love Yrra's face as she sticks this pig.

Meanwhile, the still alive John Stewart has left Oa bringing along the four recruits introduced last issue. I guess the other four recruits are bound to hang around Hal Jordan's heels. John begins fixing the dam keeping the Sea of Boiling Seas from cascading down on top of the Nellewellians.

It doesn't go so well.

Now John is going to have to use his brains and his real life architectural skills to rebuild the dam as boiling water flows over it! Or he can be responsible for the death of another planet! Enh, why not? It's kind of his thing now.

Instead of John showing off his mad architect skills, The Khund appear and fix the dam. They declare that they are the new protectors of Nellewel! Which is a bit odd because aren't the Khund from Sector 422? That's a bit of a ways away! Although I suppose the way the sectors stack, it makes sense. I imagine sector 422 is just under sector 782. So Sector 731, where Nellewel 3 is located, isn't too far away.

Back on one of Cheorg's moons, the Durlan are acting ominous and jerky.

I don't know if the Durlans are responsible for the ring failures or if they're simply going to try to take advantage of it. They already mentioned Oa is weak with the Guardians gone. Maybe they know something about the way the batteries are connected to the Guardians.

Back on Nellewel 3, the Lanterns put up a pretty good fight against the Khund before being captured. Well, Jruk puts up a good fight. And John. The others are still finding their way! But they'd better adjust quickly because dropping to the ground every time the shit hits the fan and saying, "Go on without me!" isn't going to cut it, Old Lizard Man!

Amid some serious pornographic writing on the final page, the reader is introduced to Predator and Entity, two creatures from inside the Star Sapphire's power battery. Unless the Entity is from the Green Power Battery? They're dying and they need to find the others who, I presume, are the other entities from within the other power batteries. I guess these are the creatures that keep the Batteries going although I thought the Green Power Battery got its juice from tapping into the Big Bang or something equally and absolutely exactingly scientific!

Green Lantern Corps #22 Rating: +1 Ranking. I enjoyed my time with Jurk Jruk this issue. I thought he was going to be the least interesting of the GLC recruits. But I was wrong because he has an axe! Although if Old Lizard Man continues to just drop into a ball and cry, he might become my favorite fucking Green Lantern of all time!