Pandora #1

I will not refer to anything as "The Trinity of Sin."

I've never understood the story of Pandora. She opened up her box and set loose all the evils on the world. But she managed to keep hope in the box. It always seemed a bad thing that Hope wasn't set free. Was it a good thing because Hope was kept just for mankind? As a young boy reading every mythology book he could check out of the elementary school library, I always thought, "Pandora! Open the box again! You've already set everything else loose, why not Hope?! Set Hope free too!" It seemed cruel that Hope should be stuck alone in Pandora's Box, shivering and cold and hungry. I haven't reread the myth of Pandora in many, many years, so I should probably begin with that.

Pandora and the Pandora Myth are either the source of the Garden of Eden story or both stories share from an earlier source that I'm not going to spend any time looking for. The Pandora Myth dates from about the 8th Century BCE, first appearing in Hesiod's "Theogony." If the story were written today, everybody on Tumblr would fucking shit a brick. Basically Zeus was pissed that Prometheus had given the grand and useful gift of fire to mankind (and when I say "mankind", I fucking mean "man"kind. A society of men living in peace and prosperity and freezing cold darkness. But now that they had fire, they'd be unstoppable!), so Zeus decides to give them a horrible gift to teach them a lesson. That gift was the first woman and her jar of disgusting shit. Except for the jar and the initial motivation of the God, this sounds quite a bit like the story of Adam and Eve. Yahweh actually creates Eve to help Adam whereas Zeus sends Pandora to curse and hinder mankind. But in the story of Adam and Eve, Eve eventually convinces Adam to eat of the Forbidden Fruit which winds up cursing mankind exactly in the same way Pandora and her jar did. I think that means Zeus was the talking snake and he was probably actually trying to have sex with Eve. And I think Hope, still stuck in the jar ready to be released at some later date to save humankind, must represent Jesus Christ.

As I continue to read more interpretations of the Pandora Myth, I'm surprised to find scholarly discussions of whether Hope remaining in the jar should be seen as a good or a bad outcome. So as a young boy in elementary school, I was just as flummoxed by the story as other modern academics. Seeing that later in Hesiod's poem (this time, "Works and Days"), Hesiod describes Hope as being empty and no good and causing humanity to be lazy by taking away their industriousness, makes it seem as if leaving Mankind with Hope was worse than letting it escape. Hope was just another kind of evil in the jar. I like that reading of the myth. Because when I see people allowing bullshit to go on in the world because they're secure in their Hope for an afterlife, I can see how Hope can do great evil and cause much ruination. When someone prays that a child gets better instead of actively fighting against the illness with whatever knowledge and modern means we have, we see the evil of Hope. When people are taught that this world doesn't matter because a reward awaits them in Heaven, that fighting to make this world a better place matters little because our physical being is nothing and our spiritual selves are everything, we see the evil of Hope. I'll leave it at those two sentences because I don't want to slip into "The Triple" at this point. "The Triple" is standard comedic fare where you give two serious examples of a thing and then you throw in a third, ridiculous thing for the punchline. I think I learned about it from Nick at Night!

Okay, now that I'm finished with the most sparse amount of Pandora research possible, it's time to read my comic book.

The story begins in 8000 BCE, so it's contemporary with the first appearance of the Pandora Myth and the formal beginnings of what would become The Old Testament. Except according to Young Earth Scholars, none of this actually happened because the world was created in 4004 BC (since I'm speaking of Creationism, I'll stick to BC over BCE for this one). Pandora is a young woman living with her people in Macedonia when she stumbles upon a Golden Skull in a bush. She picks it up and looks at it and fucks up everything.

No wonder the Wizards are pissed at her. She set free the Seven Deadly Sins.

First off, I don't really like this beginning. She doesn't do anything. She's completely passive and doesn't do anything that anybody else probably wouldn't have done. She picks up the Golden Skull and looks at it. I suppose that's supposed to be her sin of curiosity. But I'd rather that she opened something or actively did more than just took a look at some curious object.

But then, I don't agree with punishing Judas for his actions either! So I suppose I'm not going to agree with whatever fucked up reason is given for The Question being punished as well. He's probably being punished for engaging in scientific research.

I suppose the punishment of each of the Trinity comes down to their own feelings of guilt. Judas is punished not because he did as Christ knew he would which furthered Christ's purpose but because Judas himself felt that he could never be forgiven for his part in the proceedings. And when the creatures Pandora released which destroy her tribe call her mother, she believes it to be her fault even though she merely looked at an object in the woods. I guess I can see their point since when I step on a slug in the dark, I feel awful and guilty and spend three or four days crying and gnashing my teeth for not having been more careful.

Pandora soon finds herself before The Rock of Eternity and the World's Most Wonderful Wizards.

One of the three greatest transgressors?! Lesson to be learned: Never pick up anything you find in the woods. Also never betray Jesus Christ. Those two things are equally bad.

Just as The Phantom Stranger does, Pandora wanders the world across time. She is cursed to observe the world fallen prey to the sins she set loose on it. They are her children and there is nothing she can do about it. At least not yet. I suppose some time around Flashpoint, she figures out a way to interact with things.

Pandora is basically the cause of all of the Old Testament's wrath and chaos. She tries to save those she can. Is she the force that spoke with Abraham and his descendants? Is she, herself, the Hope left over? If so, then her story ties directly into The Phantom Stranger's as she sets in motion the things that lead to Jesus Christ. And then The Phantom Stranger fucks up that one, doesn't he? Is this why they hate each other? And if this is the case, then where does The Question fit in? Who comes after Jesus Christ to question the way of things and cause more pain and misery? I suppose The Question could have committed his sin between Pandora and The Phantom Stranger as well. Should I be thinking Biblically for his identity as well? Moses questions God, doesn't he? I really don't think he'd be another Biblical figure though. Although one character from Greek Myth, one from the Old Testament, and one from The New Testament could work. It's a bit heavy on blaming the Western World for all of the world's troubles though. But just as DC's stories on a Galactic scale always concentrate on Mankind and their differences, the stories on Earth tend to concentrate on Western Beliefs and Modes of Thought as well. So I shouldn't be surprised if The Question is just another Person from The Book.

Pandora tries to save the few she can. She tries to change the minds of men and lead them away from her children's temptations. And then she goes all Kung Fu and travels the land learning what she can from mystics and sages and teachers. One teacher, in particular, is my favoritest of favorites.

I know he's not really a teacher. But that doesn't keep Pandora from learning something from him.

By 2013, Pandora has armed herself with a slew of modern weapons and ancient fighting techniques and mystical abilities. She's prepped and ready for battle against the Sins when she's visited by The last wizard of The Rock of Eternity.

What a dick.

And so Pandora sets out on a quest to have Superman or Batman help her to discover the secrets within her box.

Pandora #1 Rating: I thought this was a good start to the whole Pandora deal plus Vandal Savage made an appearance and he'll be back next issue. So I'll begin this comic book at Rank #20.