Wonder Woman #22

This is where I say something clever and biting about Russia.

This is the first paragraph that people skip because it's just bullshit about my life.

This paragraph gets skimmed to see if I've begun talking about the comic book but eventually gets skipped because I'm expressing my opinions as if they were the only rational and logical way to see things.

This is where I apologize for not having scanned a picture yet.

This is where I say something that isn't very funny but I typed it anyway just to have a caption.

This is where I say something insulting about women in a voice that shows I'm actually making fun of misogyny but is misinterpreted by one Follower who instantly clicks the Unfollow button and flounces away from my blog until Gail Simone reblogs my next Batgirl Commentary and the Follower gives me another chance.

This is where I begin talking about the plot. Wonder Woman is on New Genesis with Zola and Zeke and Hera. This is a rude joke about baby genitals that's actually a clever metaphor for the inherent loneliness of existence. This is where I remind people of something else I wrote.

This is where I point out how disappointed Highfather is that Orion brought foreigners to New Genesis without the proper visas.

This is where I tell a joke that I don't realize I've told five times previously across 1,200 commentaries.

This is where I point out I've never read Jack Kirby's Fourth World stories and all of my knowledge on New Genesis and Apokolips is from second hand sources and the Super Powers cartoon.

This is where I continue talking about the comic book without interrupting myself. Highfather calls Orion a disappointment which is entirely understandable seeing that he's Darkseid's son. Highfather will always love Scott Free more. This is how long it takes for me to begin interrupting myself again when I begin writing about how even Gods have Daddy Issues. This is where I point out that you can tell Highfather is a hard-ass father simply by the clothes he chooses to wear and by his Amish facial hair.

This is where I begin a new paragraph because I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

This is where I say something derogatory about Scott Lobdell's writing.

This is where I begin to wonder if I've done a commentary in this style before. This is where I say, "Fuck it! Nobody's paying for this shit!"

This is where I tell an intensely personal story that may or may not be true because it ties in, somehow, to Orion meditating on the planet beneath New Genesis as he tries to work through his anger issues. This is a joke concerning masturbation as Wonder Woman comes upon Orion beating himself up over his failures.

This is where Wonder Woman shows her true strength.

This is where I wonder if this commentary made even less sense than last issue's Aubrey Plaza commentary.

This is where I finally continue talking about the plot. Highfather decides to let the women go back to Earth. But not with Zeke, the Ender of Omnithing. This is where Wonder Woman gets pissed and begins throwing some fucking truth around but is powerless to stop Orion from taking the baby. This is where Wonder Woman quotes the Terminator.

This is where Orion stands up to his father and makes Highfather proud.

This is where I wonder if I described enough of the plot in this fucked up commentary so that I'm not completely confused when I read Issue #23 next month.

This is where I get back to the plot for the last time as I sum up the last half of the book in less lines than I spent on the first three pages. Orion and Wonder Woman return to find London burning. The First Born has ravaged the city and killed Lennox. Well, he's at least broken old stone Lennox into pieces. This is where I speculate that Lennox can't be finished for good since he needs to spend some time with his daughter, Cassie Sandsmark. The First Born is ready to finish Wonder Woman and Zeke and Orion with a little help from his army of Gnolls when yet another family member arrives: Ares.

This is where I point out that puns don't win Wars. Unless they do. I mean, wouldn't a prescient War know better than I?

Wonder Woman #22 Rating: +1 Ranking. This is where I point out Cliff Chiang is a genius. This is where I wonder when everybody will find out that Zeke is actually Zeus. This is where I remember that this version of Wonder Woman is basically a cross between Xena and Sandman. This is where I'm done.