Dammit, Talon. You're choking the wrong person.
Wasn't the Purple Masked Poo Pirate one of Strawberry Shortcake's nemeses?
Maybe Condor and Starling actually had their minds swapped? So it's really Starling that has been hitting on Black Canary and trying to remain in the group. I'm pretty sure that's what happened.
Last issue the Talon Battle ended in a draw just like I predicted! Don't you hate when people point out that they were right about a guess they made? Especially when that person guesses all sorts of crazy things and then never ever points out when none of the other guesses come true? Although you've got to give a guy some credit when he sticks to his Tim Drake is Harvest guns long after the "origin" of Harvest has been revealed. Or, you know, the other "origin" of Harvest as well. Plus there's that prediction that Starling's mind is in Condor's body. When that one comes true, I am so going to rub everybody's greasy noses in it! And when it actually never comes true, this is the last you'll hear of it.
Calvin Talon doesn't kill Mary Talon because she's too much like him and he just can't be the bad guy the Court of Owls wants him to be. So he can't inject her with his Hobo Spider Serum to melt her skin. Instead, Mary suggests, through signing, that Calvin Talon take Mary Talon's mask and melt down one of the Court Scientists killed in the brawl with Mr. Freeze. If somebody ever has to use sign language to tell me something and they want me to understand it, they'd better hope the message is "The Goat in the Helicopter has Cookies for the Hungry Raccoon." Although I will probably misunderstand it, wondering why a Horny Raccoon needs cookies.
I hope Mary Turner turns out to be a long lost aunt of Bronze Tiger's.
Hopefully Condor will be scouting the island for The Birds of Prey and Calvin will accidentally kill him as well.
It could happen!
This comic book is giving me violent thoughts! If I'm ever in the news because I went on a rampage, I want this commentary to stand as proof that it was Condor's stupid mocking face that drove me to it.
Before leaving on his mission, Calvin requests a moment alone with Casey. The stupid arrogant Grandmaster Owl grants his request because he thinks he's being magnanimous. If he refused to let Calvin see Casey, The Grandmaster would look weak because it would look like he has something to fear by allowing the two prisoners to be together unguarded. Little did he know there was going to be some kinky necrophilia action going on.
Gross! An interlifecycle kiss! Sinners!
And then he's off on the second worst Caribbean Vacation ever! The worst vacation involves a Carnival Cruise. I get why they named their company that but at this point, I'd just think of something else because all I can picture are sideshow hawkers and carnies and dirty rides and screaming kids and the biggest corndogs you can stuff down your throat. And probably goats too! Maybe even goats in helicopters!
Calvin Rose quickly infiltrates Bane's prison and finds Sebastian Clark. He does this because he's a Master Escapadarian. All he had to do was think of how he would escape from the prison and then do that in reverse! It's genius! Except for the part where he blows his cover by speaking backwards the whole time.
Double meanwhile with a cherry on top, Calvin forgets that he's supposed to interrogate Sebastian Clark and instead goes straight for the kill. Luckily Wolf-Spider decides to stop him.
Unluckily, he plans on stopping him by eating him.
The next morning, I took the jar out back and was going to release the spider when I was suddenly chilled by a deep sense of fear. I kept imagining the spider coming back and it was intensely creepy and unnerving. So I got some poison spray and sprayed it in the bottle. I could hear the spider's fangs clicking against the jar. I must have sprayed the poison an inch deep and the spider was just fine, scrambling and splashing about to get out. So I grabbed a stick and crushed it inside the jar. And I felt awful. It was the most horrible feeling I'd ever experienced. I was guilty and ashamed and intensely saddened by the way I just acted due to my own fear. People smash spiders and bugs all the time and never think twice. But this was a large creature. It was struggling to survive. Killing it took a substantial enough effort that I couldn't ignore that I'd just destroyed a creature's only chance for existence. Snuffed it out. And purely for selfish, emotional reasons.
Nearly twenty years later, I can't think about this spider without tears welling up in my eyes. If our greatness or meaning or whatever it might be is judged by the effect we have on this world, then that spider's life was incredibly powerful. I'm a better person because I wanted to be a better person than some asshole that could callously kill a spider out of fear. Fear and laziness. But the lesson doesn't just extend to not harming creatures. I learned how powerful fear can be and the stupid, irrational, bullshit things it can make you do. I see our post 9-11 world and it makes me cringe and I think of that spider and I wish, I simply wish, that everybody could see they don't have to let their fear control them. When you act out of fear, you almost always act for the wrong reasons.
I've been a catch and release person with bugs for a very long time now. But spiders? Heck, most of the time I don't even catch them. I just watch them go about their business until they disappear behind the sofa or the drapes or the bookshelf. I don't mind living amongst them at all.
Although if they look like they might be one of the very few poisonous kind up here in Oregon, I'll catch and release those bad boys. My girlfriend was bitten by a spider (we think!) about half a year ago or so. But I think she just had a mild reaction and it wasn't actually a poisonous spider. It was kind of scary though! But I still didn't kill the spider that I thought may have been the culprit. He was set free in the bushes by the Emergency Room. TO CLAIM HIS NEXT VICTIM!
Talon #9 Rating: After all that bullshit, I forget whether I liked it or not! So no change!
Actually, I still don't like it much because too many owls and Calvin is undead. Change those two things and I think I'd really like Calvin Rose. Also, where the fuck were the Birds of Prey?! Come on, DC. That's just fucked up putting Canary and Batgirl on the cover. Strix was only in it for four pages and that was it! That's some misleading bullshit right there. You know what? -2 for misleading bullshit, you fuck buckets!