Red Hood Loves Arsenal #2

It's a fart joke! With mimes! In France! Sublime!

Last issue, Roy Harper and Jason Todd accepted a job with Tara Battleworth. She works for the government or something. She's less a character and more a means to introduce new plots to the comic book. Red Hood and Arsenal can't be seen as anti-heroes anymore. They need to be accepted into the mainstream. But since Red Hood uses guns and guns kill people (or people with guns kill people which is just the douchebaggy way of saying guns kill people), Red Hood needs to be working for the law in order for his killing to be within the acceptable parameters of legalized murder. He's just a soldier and soldiers aren't responsible for the people they kill, right?

Anyway, Jason and Roy are now legit! They're likeable even! I mean, if you love Narration Box after Narration Box of them thinking things to themselves and then clarifying their thoughts to themselves and then explaining the clarifications of their thoughts to themselves. It's super hilarious and really helps the reader get into the mind of the characters. And the pictures are to get into the pants of the characters.

I want to argue about the Batcave not having a shower but I think it's the "steaming hot" that makes his statement true. Obviously Batman only takes cold showers.

Jason Todd uses some seriously lathery crotch cream! Maybe that's his shaving lotion? The entire lower half of his body must be covered in hair.

Roy Harper helps dry Jason Todd off with his napalm flame thrower. It's so cute and fun-loving! These two scamps!

The blurb introducing the characters states that Roy Harper was "laid low by his addiction to alcohol." That's too bad. I liked it better when he had an addiction to heroin. But I think the Reboot softened him up so that he only managed to be an alcoholic and not a trainspotter. Is that what you call somebody addicted to heroin? If not, why was that movie called Trainspotting?! Maybe they mentioned it in the movie but since they were speaking a foreign language most of the time, I must have missed it!

I want to say the comic book is better and more understandable if you ignore the Narration Boxes. But I can't because what the hell are they talking about?! How does Roy go from "teflon body spray" to "practically famous"?

When Jason Todd narrates "Look at this place: he's never going to grow up," I look at the place. It looks like a well-organized garage or workshop. You know who I think of when I see something like that? Adults! Particularly adult men but then I was born in 1971 and women weren't allowed in garages or workshops until around the time Danica Patrick began driving race cars.

The rest of the Narration Boxes just prove that Scott Lobdell doesn't remember anything except the sentence he's currently writing. I believe you let Roy Harper talk you into all of those things because you leave all the decision to Roy Harper, Jason Todd! Duh!

Oh hey! Here's more proof that Lobdell doesn't pay attention to anything he writes! Jason and Roy head over to ask Tara Battleworth for a job (because they don't have it yet! That bit at the end of the first issue was a sneak peek into the future) but she's rescinding her offer.

Oh really? She didn't know they were outlaws in their first encounter?

I guess the Interpol file only had good things to say about them?

Wait wait! It only gets better! Here's the moment she actually offers them a job with her:

She knows they're outlaws! She didn't need to do any more research!

I know Scott Lobdell/Red Hood/Arsenal fans will be able to do the logical contortions to explain away (or just completely ignore) little things like this. Plus I think DC's penchant for "fixing" comic books when they go to trade will take care of some of this as well. I have a feeling Lobdell continues to remain lazy in his writing because it can all be fixed up later in the trades. And these really are nitpicky things because I love to nitpick. But every bit like this builds a case to show how much a writer cares about what he's writing. To me this is just more proof (along with many more examples which can be found in the last few years of my commentaries) that Lobdell doesn't give a shit.

Back to the comic book, Roy mentions how "outlaw" fails to account for any nuance. Well, you're the one who decided to call your little outfit the Outlaws! And, might I add, I'm the one who pointed out that y'all never referred to yourselves as "outlaws" for most of the run of the comic until you suddenly began mentioning how you did call yourself "outlaws" and now it would seem to work better if you'd just kept from calling yourselves that, right? Ah, forget it! I keep trying to not be distracted by these little things and just comment on the story and characters but I can't help it! I have a compulsive need to find inconsistencies in Lobdell's work! So much so that I almost always try too hard in one or two places (like this outlaw thing!) and that always leaves me open to criticism of my criticism on that one stupid point I couldn't help making! But nobody ever goes over every point I bring up because 95% of them are unarguable!

Tara Battleworth offers to give Roy and Jason an audition. But she doesn't know their real names which seems odd since they're in her office without any kind of disguises. I guess she doesn't know you can use the "internet" to find matches of pictures of people? And that's just a tool available to anybody! She's a high powered Washington DC something or other with access to lots of secret technology! Plus she mentions how she must know everything! And after all that, Jason Todd still Narration Boxes, "I can't tell if she's bluffing. Tara Battleworth is that good." Of course she's bluffing! You're in her office out of costume! She knew who you were as soon as her cameras saw you!

Oh wait! I'm forgetting that Roy Harper is a technological genius! I'm sure he's equipped them both with some kind of Spyral face altering techno-doodad.

Now remember, kids: Tara Battleworth is that good! That's truly some of the best organic character building I've ever seen!

Hey! Let's get back to that evicted thing! Remember how they were evicted between the time they got a briefcase full of money and their battle with mimes in France (which they haven't gotten to but it'll be important in a second!)? The first issue ended with Roy and Jason battling mimes on the Eiffel Tower with a caption that said "One Week Later." I guess that means Roy invited Jason to live with him after not having paid rent for a few months. And I guess he forgot about rent after getting that briefcase full of money and spending it on a napalm gun and teflon shower gel. I guess Roy really hasn't grown up at all, has he?

"It's a thing I do for my sobriety! I buy some junk on the street, cook it up, tie myself off, and don't shoot up! Totally normal!"

The "audition" in Paris is a simple flash drive recovery from some diplomat or something. It's so easy that Red Hood and Arsenal decide to beat up a bunch of terrorists and arms dealers while they wait for the diplomat to get off of work. Tara doesn't like it.

No, they don't work for you! Not yet! This is an audition! Maybe your clients should be less concerned with why they haven't done the job yet and more concerned why you sent two untrained, untested, unloyal loose cannons on their job?

One note on the arist, Paolo Pantalena: he's trying too hard to be Kenneth Rocafort. Nobody should try to emulate Kenneth Rocafort. Nobody.

Then there's this scene over dinner in the Eiffel Tower where the Mime Swarm attacks and it makes me think this: Holy fucking shit I hate this comic book.

This comic book is less cute and clever than it thinks it is. It's more like when you start up your lawn mower and you inexplicably turn it on its side and then you get down on your hands and knees and you slowly stick out your tongue and stick it into the blades?

Red Hood and Arsenal defeat the Mimes and the guy controlling the Nanobot Mimes (always nanobots!) with his mind. But two of the mimes are saved from oblivion by Tara Battleworth. I think. I'm sure they'll become evil versions of Red Hood and Arsenal later. In the meantime, I guess Red Hood and Arsenal set up a website where people can hire them? Or maybe they're still accepting jobs from Tara Battleworth? Or...well, whatever the source, they accept a job in Detroit via the Internet. Then they say some more things that aren't funny.

Red Hood Loves Arsenal #2 Rating: -1 Ranking. I really went into this issue hoping I could just read it and comment on the story without picking it apart but that failed. It always fails. It isn't totally my fault! It takes two to fail! I blame Scott Lobdell's writing as much as I blame my horribly cynical need to tear everything apart. But then what did I expect from a comic book that put a fart joke on the cover?