All Star Section Eight #2

I know you can use the Lantern ring to make a baseball mitt, a one ton weight, and a sex doll...but alcohol? Come on!

Last issue, Batman turned down an offer to join Section Eight. This issue, Green Lantern turns down an offer to join Section Eight. Did I miss anything?

One thing I missed was that this issue is called "It's Not Easy Being Green" which is just a lazy title. It's probably been used as many times as Gorilla Warfare. Unoriginality is a plague that eventually visits most writers, even ones like Garth Ennis who is known for always being innovative and exciting because he never steals ideas from anybody but himself. Like how many times have you read a comic book by anybody other than Garth Ennis where somebody is sodomized? Pretty much never, right? And how many comic books have you read by Garth Ennis where nobody gets sodomized? Practically never! See? Total original, that guy.

This is the first ever presentation of on-panel fingering of a butthole in a mainstream comic book. If you discount the seven or eight times that happened in Preacher.

At one point during the comic book, Six Pack blacks out and hears somebody trying to council him for his alcohol. But he's able to maintain his fugue state, return to Noonan's, and continue his quest for Green Lantern. It's a good thing writers are still allowed to make fun of a serious illness like alcoholism. Although, if we're going to be frank about it, is alcoholism really an illness? Isn't "reality" the real illness here? Alcohol is just a friendly reminder that we don't have to be shackled to the horrible life we've made for ourselves! Instead, we can drink until we forget our families and our jobs and society's expectations of us. And sometimes some people imbibe too much friendly reminder far too often until their entire world falls apart. But then they start a new life and stop drinking because the real problem was the old life which walked out on them when they were drunk all of the time and the new life is an empty slate and a reason to start over! Yay for alcohol! You solved the problem yet again!

That's what Six Pack is doing! Alcohol allows him to be the super hero he's always wanted to be instead of that boring old life as an art critic.

Section Eight dress up like Green Lanterns so they can attract the attention of the real Green Lantern. It's one of those plans that is the exact opposite of foolproof. But at least Guts dresses up in a Slutty Vampire Costume (which is really just female underwear). So that's hot?

This comic book is just a twenty page reminder how disgusting it is to be a human being.

Bueno Excellente stops masturbating because he's suddenly challenged by a rival suitor. It's a mystery who it might be though because the scene changes before anybody but Bueno sees the suitor.

Meanwhile, Hal Jordan stops by to battle a space dinosaur so Six Pack is going to get his chance to recruit him!

Garth Ennis should write a comic book where the Justice League just sits around badmouthing Batman.

Green Lantern is scared away from the interview by Section Eight because he...um...I don't know, thinks he's getting Punk'd or something? Maybe I'm too deep in the heart of my disease to understand what just happened. Stupid reality. Where's my medicine?!

All Star Section Eight #2 Rating: No change. This comic book is exactly what everybody who picked it up expected it to be. It's full of sweating and barfing and jerking off in dirty, desperate, despicable places. At least Garth Ennis put a dinosaur in a space helmet with a lightsaber in it or I might have slit my throat and just ended it all. Humans! Ugh. So gross.