Justice League United #11

This comic book cover is trying way too hard.

The last issue of Justice League United came out in March so I don't remember what was going on. Hell, I don't even remember who was on the team aside from the people on the cover (at least the ones I recognize!). I do remember that Justice League United were engaged in a time travel battle for a future that--let's face it--doesn't actually matter. People from the future really need to stop going back in time to fix the future. As human beings, we discover strange and wonderful things constantly as we get better and better at understanding the universe we live in. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that time travel will never work in such a way that somebody can go back in time and change the future timeline from which they came. If time travel is ever possible, all "time travelers" will accomplish is erasing themselves from the current timeline. The other scientists would shrug their shoulders and perceive the experiment as a failure and go on trying to figure out where they went wrong while the time traveler is currently in the past (some past but not the one he came from! Not anymore, at least, since his arrival changes everything) strangling baby Hitler.

I saw that Travel Foreman was the artist since his name was right there on the cover. But by the time I got around to opening up the comic book, I forgot that he was the artist. And then I opened the comic book and his art punched me in the equilibrium. It's like being on a boat while looking into a Funhouse mirror. After saying that, I also have to say how it's also quite beautiful because Travel Foreman lovers will read my experiential account of seeing his art as shitting all over it when it wasn't at all so eat dick. One thing I've learned from writing on the internet for eighteen years is that only people who completely misunderstand everything they read use the internet.

Although I think Jeromy Cox forgot to color in one of the costumes unless Maxine the Disembodied Head joined the Justice League.

Doesn't Miiyahbin look great in this shot? Just beautiful. And the disembodied head might actually be wearing an all black suit but I just can't tell from this page. I typed that because anybody who has read this comic book and already knows what the fuck is going on with her is probably already writing a comment which reads "You're an idiot" and that "You should keep your comments to yourself until you've read the whole comic book" and "Do you know that Jeromy Cox is trying his hardest! Love his mother"?

The new concept for Justice League United is that Adam Strange hangs out in the Zeta Beam looking for anomalies called "Breakers" that can destroy the universe if the Breakers themselves are not destroyed. To destroy each Breaker, Adam Strange must assemble the perfect group of heroes, different for each Breaker. In this issue, he and Justice League United will have to convince Swamp Thing, Etrigan, and Mera to join the battle with Equinox and Maxine the Animal Girl. Unless that's not Maxine. Once again, I'm spouting off ignorantly before gathering all of the facts! Kind of like how every single other comic book fan other than me does when they sit back and judge every story by the solicits alone.

Animal Man picks up Mera by pointing out that a lot of people mistake him for Aquaman so if she'd like to make that mistake too, he's free for the evening. Although right now that would mean she'd simply kill him. But Mera agrees to help Justice League United if they help her find Aquaman later.

Stargirl is in charge of gathering Swamp Thing.

Travel Foreman's characters actually look age appropriate. Doesn't he know he's drawing comic books?!

Poison Ivy is the red head in the black costume and it makes sense now! Those vines are part of her costume and not just an outgrowth of Swamp Thing! It was like one of those visual illusions where you think you're looking at two nuns discussing Christ but then you blink and realize it's actually a five-guy circle jerk.

Alanna Strange picks up Ivy at a club in a way different than the way that every fanboy just read the beginning of that sentence. Batgirl is after Ivy but Alanna pops in, promises to get Ivy clear if she helps the Justice League, and then pops out.

Equinox rescues Jason Blood from a bunch of mummies and he agrees to help her. He also strokes her ego a bit by already knowing who she is. That's pretty good, Blood! I could barely remember how to spell her name! Although it is Miiyahbin which isn't exactly the most common name outside of Canada. I bet in Canada, Miiyahbin is the equivalent of Brittany.

Justice League United lost Supergirl, Martian Manhunter, and Green Arrow. That's too bad because Green Arrow and Animal Man were becoming the next Abbot and Costello. I guess Supergirl had to leave because she needs to plan for a comic book that won't confuse people coming from the television series this Fall. And Manhunter has his own book to deal with. So now the team is Equinox, Animal Man, Stargirl, Adam Strange, and Alanna Strange. That's not much of a team. Although Adam Strange is now some kind of Doctor Manhattan living up in the Zeta Beam manipulating the universe. And Equinox is possibly as powerful an elemental as Swamp Thing although she lacks experience.

The entire team winds up in Lake Erie battling big red blobs of protoplasmic goo that come from a huge island of protoplasmic red goo which doesn't belong in our space and time. The team walk around on it until it swallows the Swamp Thing and everybody shits their pants.

Justice League United #11 Rating: +2 Ranking. The good: Jeff Parker is trying to give this team a reason for its existence aside from a bunch of heroes accidentally bumping into each other in Moose Creek and saying, "Yo! Let's team up! Holla!" The bad: I don't know what the bad is. Is there any bad? This thing is much better than Lemire's time travel story whose only purpose was to make Brainiac think, "I hope I didn't lose my relationship with Supergirl that I already had because I changed the past!" Oh wait! I know what could potentially be the bad depending on how Parker uses it! Adam Strange in his new role as the guy who moves the plot along by mystically knowing things that the characters have no other way of knowing which would keep them from ever doing anything (unless, I guess, they turned their television to Channel 52 News which is constantly telling characters exactly what they need to know at just the right time). This is a perfect place for new readers to hop on or for old readers that dropped the book to maybe give it another chance.