Justice League of America #2

That logo bites.

At the end of the last issue, the god of Krypton arrived on Earth. This happened after some aliens posing as The Infinity Corporation showed Superman a pile of dead other dimensional Supermen and then tricked the Justice League of America into battling the Parasite. During that fight, Green Lantern and The Flash got knocked through a wormhole to Oa and Wonder Woman went missing. According to this cover, they'll be back in time for the big fight with Rao.

This issue begins with Superman instantly buying the whole "god" thing and joining forces with Rao to "help him." Superman thought Rao was a myth right up until this moment and yet he totally buys into the Kryptonian god act? Superman doesn't ask why Earth needs to be saved. Superman doesn't ask what needs to be done. For being the Best Friend of the World's Greatest Detective, Superman hasn't learned a God Damned thing!

Superman might agree to this but Batman will nip it in the bud pretty fucking quickly.

The media reports on the arrival of an alien ship are realistically portrayed in the comic book. They work the crowd asking inane questions and, in so doing, find out nothing about the alien ship. They do find out that two people are in love and a blind man can feel and see the intense radiation coming off of the ship. They also report that the ship looks threatening but broadcast a message of peace across all wavelengths and all media. So what you're saying is it disrupted communication all over the world?! And the United States Government hasn't thrown a few nukes at it? What are they waiting for? It's not like they've ever trusted Superman in the entire run of The New 52, so why believe him when he vouches for the aliens?

Also, Batman really looks ridiculous walking through a crowd of people, none of which are dressed in an animal costume.

And just like that, Aquaman is my favorite character!

You would think Aquaman would believe in Poseidon since one of his best friends is the Greek god of war. I would think he would have asked her about Poseidon and she would have told him what a huge douchebag he was. But I imagine that Aquaman and Wonder Woman don't really spend a lot of time talking with each other. I bet that scene in Finch's Wonder Woman where Diana hugs a teddy bear while telling Aquaman that being a woman in the modern world is really, really hard is the only real conversation they've shared in the last five years.

Aquaman allows the Kryptonian missionary to hang about the place trying to convert Atlanteans to Raoism. If I were Aquaman, I would have made a kingly decision and thrown him out on his ass. Not because I think the Atlanteans would need protection but because why even allow somebody you know is a total fraud to run around annoying the populace? Missionaries are the worst of the worst. They're culture murderers. They're no better than aggressors that would sweep through a town and raze it to the ground. Missionaries destroy just as much as pillagers and vandals. It's just that after missionaries are through, the buildings might still be standing but little left of the people and their culture remain. Besides, this Prophet of Rao probably has magical alien mind control abilities which the Atlanteans will be more susceptible to than the rest of the world. Why else would he target them? Maybe they have other resources Rao is interested in? Like dolphin semen and dried Dugong dicks.

Here's a joke I just made up! What's the difference between the missionary position and missionaries on a mission? The first gets you fucked in the vagina, the second gets you fucked in the ass.

Since God spoke to Moses? I think that's Perry's hint that he doesn't care if somebody fabricates the entire story.

Rao wants to start a ministry with Superman's help and Superman seems up for it. Either he himself was (once again!) mind-controlled or he's the biggest dope in the super hero community. My guess is that when he touched Rao, his mind was manipulated in some way. Superman really needs to figure out a way to protect against being controlled by other people. All it takes is one wanna-be Hector Hammond to take over Superman and the world is over. He might not be a danger in the xenophobic, racist way that Lex Luthor and, apparently, 97% of the people living in the DC Universe think he is but he's definitely a danger to the planet if he can't stop getting brainwashed and taken over by magic.

Batman and Cyborg head back to the Batcave to do some research and have some tea. The tea is Earl Grey and the research is on how to kill Rao. That research is easy because Batman already has a large file on how to kill Superman and he's pretty much a Kryptonian god too, right?

Batman wants to know Rao's agenda and Cyborg seems to think it's peace on Earth. Except Rao simply said, "I have come to save you." That's pretty vague! Jumping to the conclusion that that means "peace on Earth" is the kind of non-detective bullshit that Batman wants to avoid.

Lois Lane keeps busy writing the article for J. Perry Jameson. It's full of misused punctuation and sentence fragments. It might have been written by me!

Rao invites a bunch of people aboard his "cathedral" to speak with them. After the run in with Ulysses and the big trick he pulled getting loads of people onto his ship, shouldn't Superman have some doubts about this? That was another person visiting Earth and promising peace and eventually turning out to be a fraud. That's how it always happens! It never deviates from that model! Batman should have thrown a batarang at it as soon as it arrived since he's going to be doing that eventually anyway. And he knows it!

This is definitely not The New 52 Earth because when has anybody trusted Superman at all during the last few years?

Look, I don't care if this story doesn't exactly fit into the current timelines happening in the other DC Comic books right now. In the long run, that doesn't matter. But what I would like is some consistency in the world and the character in stories told within just a few years of each other (without, you know, a Reboot between them).

Rao sends his prophets to "pray" a bunch of sick people to health and all he asks in return is their unending fealty and faith. Some compassionate god! If he were really compassionate, he'd do it without demanding anything! The greedy son of a whor...err, I mean, virgin, probably.

Rao continues to suck Superman's dick and tell him everything he wants to hear. Batman mopes and pouts around the Batcave worried about all the horrible people Rao is healing. Shouldn't he be judging and condemning?! Stop being so loving and compassionate, Rao! Bruce can't handle it!

Clark finally remembers that Diana disappeared that first night along with Hal and Barry. He doesn't seem too worried because he's a horrible boyfriend. Also he's probably under some kind of mind-control, remember? The issue ends with Diana waking up amidst the destruction of Olympus. Whoops! I guess Rao is just here to feed on Earth's gods and gain their power. I imagine Jesus Christ and Allah are probably dead already too. And whoever the Mormon's worship. Cowboy Jesus Christ?

Justice League of America #2 Rating: No change. I think this is an Elseworlds book, right? It must be because I barely recognize anybody. Even Alfred was all, "The Bible says great things about God, Master Bruce!" It can't be the real New 52 universe because Aquaman is the greatest character I've ever read in this book! If this Aquaman were allowed to marry New 52 Mera and they could star in a comic book called Aquaman Loves Mera and they could have lots of adventures and be bad-ass, it would probably sell at least one copy because I'd buy it. If I remembered to put it on my pull list.